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blowing off some anger (at myself)

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    blowing off some anger (at myself)

    Argh. This is just a ramble.
    My SO submits his doctoral dissertation in less than a month now, and his busy-ness is reaching insane levels.

    Even with his workload, he manages to find time for us pretty much every day, to at least skype goodnight for 20 minutes, and usually there's a bit more time with yahoo messenger or whatever. And somehow, in my 'time of month' crankiness, all I could think about and dwell on was all the things he hasn't had time to do for me like he normally would. Stuff like sending me sweet emails for when I wake up, or having movie date nights on skype, or whatever else.

    I just got feeling negative about it, like he's losing interest or something, when logically I know it's because he's exhausted and stressed. There's actually no indication that he's losing interest, and our conversations are still great, everything is fine except that there's less time and less of the stuff I got used to having. So it's totally me just overthinking and putting a negative spin on it.


    Stupidly, I made a snarky comment or two about it to him on yahoo messenger last night, and he even said he was feeling attacked. Fortunately I kinda realized how bitchy and selfish I was being pretty quickly. I apologized, and we talked about it a little bit, and we were pretty much fine by the time I went to bed. (And I had an email waiting this morning, which was unexpected and shows once again that he really is putting in effort, since I'd mentioned I missed his morning emails to me.)


    I'm just annoyed with myself for making some unnecessary drama and being so needy about it when normally I'm pretty good about not doing that. I try to keep relationship expectations realistic, and discuss things non-attacky when something isn't working for me, and this was just like..a breakdown of all of that. Being kinda selfish, ungrateful, not being understanding, and being bitchy/blaming him about it.

    Ugh.
    The funny thing is, like I said, we're basically good with it, we talked and things are alright. I'm just mad at *myself.*

    Anyway.
    That's my Thursday cranky rant.

    #2
    I admire you! I need to work on being more like you! Just know that what you are going through is completely normal and everyone breaks down sometimes. Distance just sucks. The good thing is that you realize your mistakes and try to fix them or get over them. That is a good quality to have.

    Hugs! Hope you're feeling better.
    sigpic

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      #3
      I think feeling cranky and unwanted can happen to everyone. Distance makes this harder, when we can see how our SOs are busy (they just tell us about it, but we can't see it firsthand) and the imagination can be a terrible thing. I think the fact that you realized you had been snarky and apologized is great, though. The capacity to work through little hiccups like these and knowing how to apologize are great skills in relationships

      At least he'll be done soon! I bet you're ecstatic about that!
      So, here you are
      too foreign for home
      too foreign for here.
      Never enough for both.

      Ijeoma Umebinyuo, Diaspora Blues

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        #4
        Thanks guys.

        I'm feeling a little better about it, and looking forward to just getting some time with him tonight.

        And yes, I can't *wait* until he's done with his phd! The workload those students have is just insane. It's kinda put me off from ever wanting to do a higher degree like that, lol.

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