More than a little lost, need help

[LostFalls]

Hello,

I am posting after being lost for a bit and I now admit to myself I need a bit of direction. I have been in a long distance relationship for about a year. We met online and slowly grew more and more fond of each other, taking this period into account it has been almost two years now. She was currently living overseas and seemed content the way we were, we have had unpolished plans for me and her to start a life here in America. I visited her over the summer for about two weeks, I felt like we connected a great deal and she felt the same. We usually chat every day around the same time and have done so for almost two years now. We have had our bumps along the way but never like what happened about a week ago.

I should start by saying that she was finally granted a visa and made the decision to come to the States, her friends in her country have relatives in the US and offered her a job….on the other side of the country. Being a rational person and taking into consideration how hard it would be for her to find a job in my area I supported her decision to take a job 3000 miles away. I had thought we were ok the first few weeks, I made sure she had everything she needed to start successfully here. I should add that not having a job would have driven her crazy, she wants to work and put up her fair share.
I don't usually throw around the phrase I love you, I believe its important to say it often but not so much that it just becomes more words. Almost two weeks ago now I ended one of our daily chats with it and only got an emote in response, so I made a light joke about it meaning "you to" She responded that it did not mean that she was just saying thank you. Then it all came out, she doesn't feel anything, about me, about her dreams, about pretty much everything. She said she wasn't happy since the moment she landed, work didn't turn out to the level of pay she was expecting and she felt awful having to ask to borrow money from me. I knew she was feeling homesick, as our conversations had been very short for the weeks leading up to this but she always said things were fine. She says she doesn't want to tell me to go, but she also doesn't want to be the one who asks me to stay while she feels like this. I don't believe it is someone else, I am a jealous person, but I don't think its about this. We talked for about an hour and never really landed on anything in particular that happened, just that she simply stopped feeling for anything. She doesn't want to make plans, she doesn't know if she will still come here in a month or so like we had planned.
Now we have talked a few times since then and I do my best to not bring it up, I don't want to pressure her. I have not always been successful. I personally find it hard to believe that after 2 years of on and off planning someone would simply shut down. I don't know when to bring it up again, my work doesn't allow for me to travel that often and honestly I don't know if it would change anything if I made a surprise trip. She knows that I still love her, she knows that I still plan on doing my best to make our future a good one. Up until she said she can't say she loves me because she feels for nothing I was willing to take the hits and keep on going. Now I feel like the wind has been knocked out of me, I jump between wanting to prove her wrong and feeling the ache that I should let this go and begin to disengage.

I don't know what to do it has been the worst two weeks of my life
Does anyone have any advice?

[silvermoonfairy3]

An overseas move, a new job, basically totally changing everything in life can be quite a stressful experience. She could be experiencing some symptoms of depression in addition to homesickness, as she adjusts. I would say to give her some time and some space, let her figure things out, and see if the homesickness and everything improves, or if this really isn't the right path for her and she'd be happier doing something else.

You could suggest to her not making any big decisions about the two of you right now while she's still adjusting to the new situation, and to just take some time to feel settled with work and living here and such first.

[LostFalls]

I understand as much, I have a few great fears which I know I can't do much about

She chose to go there and isolate herself to a certain degree choosing money over me (which I understand but it still hurts)
It also feels wrong her choosing to change things when she hasn't even given my side of the country a try, if that makes sense
It is very hard for me to sit back and wait, I am worried she will think since I am still supportive I agree that we can shift our status and still possibly be friend (which I couldn't do) I want to jump in and fix things, which I realize I can't.
I am going to suggest what you said over the next week and see what happens

[Fretboard_Magic]

I half agree with Silvermoonfairy. It DOES sound like your girlfriend is experiencing depression. But I don't know about the giving-her-space idea... I mean, I agree with her that you shouldn't put her under pressure in regards to your future plans and things. I personally DO think, though, that you guys should talk about all the things that she's going through, about the emotions that she's feeling(or not feeling), about her wishes, dreams, whatever. Above all, however, I think you should LISTEN. I think she would appreciate someone to talk to, but more importantly someone who would listen to her vent. Someone who would sympathize with her. She needs an outlet for her frustrations, and you can help by being a part of that. It doesn't matter if you can't actually come up with a solution; what she may appreciate more than a solution is someone who listens, sympathizes, and understands. Basically, be her best friend. An ideal relationship is one where the two romantically involved parties also becomes best friends in the process(if they weren't already prior to that).

Aside from that, I'd say be patient about this. In any case, I hope it all works out one way or another.