Am I being selfish?
To start off this is my first post so a big hello to this wonderful community, I'm really looking forward to having a place to share and vent, since my anti-LDR friends don't understand and think I should end it just because we are LD! Ridiculous, right?
I met a guy online on a game we both play and we hit it off instantly. We are both 24 - he works full time and I part time while in college. We've 'known' of each other for years, and been talking for a little over 4 months now, and we made it official about 3 weeks ago but boy does it feel like we've known each other forever (that is how much we just click-we text everyday and Skype every night and are very close) He started talking about coming to visit me back in October during the only week I had off from school before we were even dating (officially, since we acted like it anyway) but the plans got cancelled because his job told him he couldn't take those days off anymore, after approving him the week before. (Made me suspicious, but I trusted him because what is a LDR without trust, right...)
I was crushed, but a rare opportunity presented itself which was me getting a weekend off not long after that (I normally always work weekends) so he said he would come visit me then to make up for it! Again, he never came and also never even mentioned it or gave an excuse. According to him, October is just a bad month every year >.< There was also a moment where he withdrew and stopped calling and texting for a few days and talked about ending it. We pulled through, and I found out later that he has abandonment issues and thought I would leave him once things started getting serious. He DID apologize to me for acting that way (and was genuine, and I know guys who have not been from past experiences) and said he wants to prove to me that I can trust him and wants to earn back my trust and that he doesn't want to act like that ever again and knows it was wrong. Things went back to normal and we made plans of seeing each other in January when I am on break *IF* I don't take a winter class.
From October to now we have gotten incredibly closer and stronger, and even discuss living with each other one day in the near future which is very exciting for me since we both want exactly the same things. Fast forward to tonight when I find out I'm not taking the class, and he can come visit! After mentioning it he says now he can only come for THREE days-down from the original 1-2 weeks he originally said! WTH?! So now I'm very hurt. It seems like something is holding him back and when I asked he said nothing is. He said he had more money back then but I'm calling BS because I know he has money. He JUST bought an expensive tablet, which would've been the other few days in a hotel right there. He mentioned very early on how he is a smart saver and has a lot of money saved to one day buy a house. In October he went to his friend's wedding where he mentioned how he spent over $600 on hotels for other people just because they needed them....(He is the type who has to come in and save the day when there is a problem) And he buys me gifts every so often.
So WHY doesn't he have the money for our visit? Am I being selfish or paranoid? Should I just be happy he is even making plans? It hurts because when I think of going to visit him in the summer I would definitely make at least a week happen, and I don't even have a full time job like he does! I need to let him know how I feel so it doesn't cause resentment and ruin the trip/relationship but I don't want to sound selfish/ungrateful. I also feel like he is going to cancel again in the back of my mind.
My question is how do I bring it up without sounding like I don't understand, and should I even at all? How do I handle if he cancels a third time in a row?
It might seem from typing this that he isn't invested, but we talk every single day about everything and he always wants to help in any way he can, and even told his friends that I also know from the game that we're a couple. I know he is invested just due to the sheer fact of how different he's acting with me compared to his past relationships so I know this is just a roadblock. But I also don't want to continue if it sounds to you guys that this is headed for a bad ending.
I met a guy online on a game we both play and we hit it off instantly. We are both 24 - he works full time and I part time while in college. We've 'known' of each other for years, and been talking for a little over 4 months now, and we made it official about 3 weeks ago but boy does it feel like we've known each other forever (that is how much we just click-we text everyday and Skype every night and are very close) He started talking about coming to visit me back in October during the only week I had off from school before we were even dating (officially, since we acted like it anyway) but the plans got cancelled because his job told him he couldn't take those days off anymore, after approving him the week before. (Made me suspicious, but I trusted him because what is a LDR without trust, right...)
I was crushed, but a rare opportunity presented itself which was me getting a weekend off not long after that (I normally always work weekends) so he said he would come visit me then to make up for it! Again, he never came and also never even mentioned it or gave an excuse. According to him, October is just a bad month every year >.< There was also a moment where he withdrew and stopped calling and texting for a few days and talked about ending it. We pulled through, and I found out later that he has abandonment issues and thought I would leave him once things started getting serious. He DID apologize to me for acting that way (and was genuine, and I know guys who have not been from past experiences) and said he wants to prove to me that I can trust him and wants to earn back my trust and that he doesn't want to act like that ever again and knows it was wrong. Things went back to normal and we made plans of seeing each other in January when I am on break *IF* I don't take a winter class.
From October to now we have gotten incredibly closer and stronger, and even discuss living with each other one day in the near future which is very exciting for me since we both want exactly the same things. Fast forward to tonight when I find out I'm not taking the class, and he can come visit! After mentioning it he says now he can only come for THREE days-down from the original 1-2 weeks he originally said! WTH?! So now I'm very hurt. It seems like something is holding him back and when I asked he said nothing is. He said he had more money back then but I'm calling BS because I know he has money. He JUST bought an expensive tablet, which would've been the other few days in a hotel right there. He mentioned very early on how he is a smart saver and has a lot of money saved to one day buy a house. In October he went to his friend's wedding where he mentioned how he spent over $600 on hotels for other people just because they needed them....(He is the type who has to come in and save the day when there is a problem) And he buys me gifts every so often.
So WHY doesn't he have the money for our visit? Am I being selfish or paranoid? Should I just be happy he is even making plans? It hurts because when I think of going to visit him in the summer I would definitely make at least a week happen, and I don't even have a full time job like he does! I need to let him know how I feel so it doesn't cause resentment and ruin the trip/relationship but I don't want to sound selfish/ungrateful. I also feel like he is going to cancel again in the back of my mind.
My question is how do I bring it up without sounding like I don't understand, and should I even at all? How do I handle if he cancels a third time in a row?
It might seem from typing this that he isn't invested, but we talk every single day about everything and he always wants to help in any way he can, and even told his friends that I also know from the game that we're a couple. I know he is invested just due to the sheer fact of how different he's acting with me compared to his past relationships so I know this is just a roadblock. But I also don't want to continue if it sounds to you guys that this is headed for a bad ending.
Comment