uplifting my boyfriend

[klove]

So me and my bf been LDR for like 5 months now and in the mist of it he has lost both his mother and.father due to cancer! So for thanks giving i notice it was like 4 days straight i didnt hear from him. The day before thanks.giving he was saying how much it would suck to see other family memebers with their parent's and he just lost his ! So for christmas im thinking of getting him edible arrangements chocolate covered strawberries sent to his house and writing him a love letter and adding a key ! In hopes that he will get it right before christmas and itll cheer him up atleast! I wouldnt even care if he got me nothing because im doing this because i want to and i dont like to see someone down i love to uplift! So are those good ideas for christmas gifts?

[snow_girl]

I understand you are trying to lift his spirits, and I think it's a cute idea. Just don't get upset if he doesn't get too excited about it. Spending Christmas without both his parents is going to be extremely hard and I wouldn't be surprised if he just wanted to forget about the whole day all together.

[klove]

Your right he probably does but i know him'he'd rather me be there with him bit.if he cant have that knowing i care he'll love it! I cant replace his parents and i will never try but i show him what a real women is like <3

[Zephii]

For a long time after my mum died (also cancer. She was a sole parent) I couldn't stand to hear people talking about their parents (and it still upsets me to hear people dissing theirs even years later) because I didn't have any. Though it is a natural thing that we outlive our parents, the pain was still very great. My sister and I didn't celebrate Christmas that year.

It was also hard to take comfort from people - especially those who either still had their parents, or who lost them at a much later age (Seriously when someone in their 40s says "I just lost my parent too, I know how you feel"... uhm, no, you don't. It's a world of difference to lose those people mid-life than it is when you're barely an adult yourself.)

I'm not telling you this to dishearten you, but to help you understand what he might be feeling.

Like Snow Girl said, don't expect much of a reaction from him. It's hard to find the energy to appreciate things at first, when you're hurting that bad, and so you might get the impression he didn't like it.

It's a good gift though, nothing heals the heart like chocolate. It's the food equivalent of a hug!

[klove]

Yess you make perfect sense! Makes me see what he have been feeling ! I might just back off and let him mourn how he wants

[Laural007]

My SO lost both his parents over 12 years ago and on all holidays he really just wants to be alone to deal with the loss of his parents. We have very minimal communication, but I do make him text me periodically just to let me know he is ok. It's a sweet gesture and I'm sure he'll appreciate it....even if it isn't exactly on Christmas. Just be patient and supportive.

[CanadianGirl]

My deepest condolences to your SO, wow. Everyone handles grief differently, but personally, I couldn't bear any celebrations or major life events for years after my father passed. I really just wanted to lock myself away and it took ages before I could actually feel remotely happy again. It's been nearly 9 years and it still stings when people ask me about my "parents" or when I see families with loving fathers. That kind of sadness isn't easily lifted, but you should still carry on loving him just the same. I'd still send the present, but wouldn't expect any real mood change.

[klove]

Okay thanks for the insites I will just be supportive <3