Depression-- how to tell my SO?

[mellif]

I think I'm becoming depressed, and I'm not sure why. I'm attending college with decent grades. My life is good, my SO is more than I could ever ask for. He's even visiting for Christmas, which I'm super duper excited and grateful about. I'm not sure why I'm unhappy, but I haven't told anyone yet. I feel as though I'm falling apart, and I feel guilty telling anyone about it, since I have no reason to be sad. I'm not sure if I should tell him, or stick it out and wait for the depression to be over.

It's starting to take over my life. Sometimes I start crying from the smallest sad thoughts, or no reason at all. It's stressing me out, and, after talking with a psychologist about recent hallucinations, I'm beginning to suspect the hallucinations are being caused by it. I hate this depression especially because I know how important it is to stay positive, and try to 'choose' happiness. I don't want to burden anyone with my sadness, especially my SO. Yet, it stays in the back of my mind, clinging onto me like a sore bruise.

Should I tell my SO? I'm afraid of telling him. I feel like it'll put more pressure on our visit, and he'll worry more about me than he needs to. Yet I also feel desperately isolated by everything going on with me emotionally, even from my SO. I feel out of touch with my logical judgement on whether or not I should tell him now or maybe after the visit-- any advice?

[11MikesGirl21]

I suffer from anxiety and chronic mild depression. It literally affects everything I do and how I act. A lot of the time, it's the reason why I do something. Had I not told my fiance about my diagnosis...I don't think he would be as understanding as he is with me. I ask a lot of seemingly needless questions to have the most knowledge about it. I can't plan for the worse, so he takes care of that for me. It does cause tension sometimes, but I am trying he knows that I am.

This is something you at least have to try to make known to your SO. You said yourself, it's starting to take over your life. And I would imagine your SO would want to know the status of your mental health. By your banner I can see that you do have a kinda new relationship, so that may be what is holding you back from telling him. Completely understandable, but it still is a good idea to let him know that you are having a tough time, are seeking help for it, and just want to keep him in the loop.

[karishma10]

Hey girl! firstly your relationship began on my birthday woot! As for the issue at hand, I agree with the reply above. The fact that it is consuming your life can directly affect your relationship with him and although he is important, you are number one. To ensure your happiness and wellness you need good support, and telling him may make you feel better. I have huge trust issues and it causes me to be upset all the time and highly sensitive, sometimes i don't even want to talk to my SO even though I can't go an hour without talking to him. Sometimes we just set aside time to talk or he lets me cry it out with him, it definitely just takes time and i am lucky that he is so understanding. I can truly say I always feel better after talking to him. Best of luck darling, Smile .

[Mims27]

You should definetly tell your SO. Telling my SO about my anxiety and low self esteem was one of the best decisions I've made. Yes she may have seen me at my ugliest and lowest but she also was amazing support. She was also a great push for me to seek the help I needed.

Meanwhile, if you need someone to talk to, you can always message me. Good luck!

[OperaDiva]

+1 for telling him. In my case, I told my SO about my problems before we even go together (I think I was half-afraid half-hoping he would get scared and back off). He took it incredibly well, and later told me "I don't love you in spite of your problems, I love you with all of it."

[Fretboard_Magic]

Kind of interesting you chose this moment to create this thread, because I just realized earlier today that I'm experiencing something similar(not quite the same, nevertheless a form of depression I'd say) myself. Well, first things first: please DO tell him. I had a discussion with my girlfriend about what I've been experiencing. The best move ever.

The past several days haven't been too pleasant for me in that I just couldn't really feel anything other than a general "blah" feeling. It must have been harder for my girl, though. She must have thought I was drifting away or something. I've been busier now that it's December, and that has kind of caused us to start talking less in general... But I just haven't really been around even with my work schedule taken into consideration. Lately I've been finding myself not being all that talkative when I'm talking to my girlfriend via Skype. And I'm EXHAUSTED all the time.

Well, I didn't really know what it was until earlier today when I was talking to her and just felt like on the verge of crying. It was like this, though; I wasn't feeling talkative so I started telling her I had to go get some work done(btw, I work at home very often). I think she'd been under the impression(albeit inaccurate) for the past several days that I didn't want to talk to her any more, so she became concerned and asked me to stay online and talk to her for a little longer. I agreed, but that was when I started feeling really...well, depressed. I guess I felt depressed because I just wasn't feeling anything, wasn't feeling motivated in life, and it felt like I was operating on autopilot(all of this I told her earlier today). I think she finally understands why I haven't really been too engaging. It just sucks though, because I think I ruined her weekend in a way with this depression BS.

I'm just trying to be patient about it. I asked my girlfriend to be patient with me, and being such a lovely girl that she is, she is being so supportive. But the bottom-line is that I chose to discuss this with her rather than becoming quieter and quieter, or snapping at her. I know I probably would have made those mistakes had this been in the past when I was less careful. But I'm glad I didn't make those mistakes, and instead was able to actually talk about it. It means I was able to follow through with what I've always said, which is "communication is one of the most important things in a relationship".

So yeah, you probably didn't need to listen to me ramble on, but I just thought I'd tell you communication is important, lol. xD All the best! :-)

[Ahava]

My vote goes for telling him.
I've suffered from depression a lot in my life, luckily not too bad anymore, but yesterday was a bummer.
I must admit I don't always tell my SO the whole truth if I have had a bad day in that sence. Like yesterday I slept most of the day, just didn't feel like doing anyhting and was tired. I did tell him I felt down yesterday, but didn't mention about the above.
There are some stressing and depressing issues in my life at the moment.

I hope you find the help you need and definately you should tell him. Hugs!

[MZVIRGO82]

First off, I am sorry you are feeling that way-I hope things get better for you.

I would definitely tell my partner if I were you. It sounds like you have a good relationship, so if you are feeling down-let him be there for you. In addition to that I would suggest maybe talking with a professional. You mentioned being in school, most college campuses (assuming you attend a university and not an online program as I'm not sure how their access to health services would be) have counseling centers or student health services areas that you should be able to (for little or no cost as it is usually built into the health fees students pay) talk to a professional.

I hope you feel better!

[jana89]

Tell him, tell him, tell him ... If it would become worse, as I really hope wont be your case, he would probably find out anyhows. In the beginning of my relationship I had something that I was ashamed of and I felt like I have to tell it to my bf, but couldnt get to it, because I was afraid of his reaction. But this problem made me behave in certain way that my bf got frustrated of and we got into a moment when I had to tell him .... and know what? He was sooo full of understanding and helped me so much to get over it and I will always respect him for the way he treated me back then. Im positive that your SO wont judge you, so just tell him Good luck and stay strong

[80anthea]

Definitely tell him, if you'd broken your leg or were vomiting you wouldn't hesitate to tell him. Depression is a mental ILLNESS, the brain shouldn't be treated any differently to any other part of your body being ill.

[Tommy C]

Hi mellif, you were one of the nice people who greeted me when i first joined and actually recognized my avatar First of all hugs to you. You should talk to your SO and tell him what's going on in your head. For one thing he may notice your mood and think its something he did so it's best to open up about it.

I'm actually going through what my therapist called a "major depression" over the last 4 months and am pretty much unbearably hopelessly sad all the time. I can't sleep, I've lost 20lbs and I've been crying randomly all the time, even at work and in the car for no reason. My depression is so bad that I had to go see a therapist and started antidepressants for the first time in my life. If its affecting you a lot i suggest seeing a professional and looking at antidepressants. Mine hasn't started working at all yet but I'm hoping something will help me.

One of the few things that helps me a little is talking to people about it but most people really don't want to hear about it or understand and I usually have no one to talk to because I don't want to burden them. Anyway I wish you the best and know that others are having the same issues and know what your going through. If you want to talk about it as well you can pm me.

[mellif]

Thanks so much guys for the feedback <333 Really helped. I told him. He listened to me, and told me that if I ever started feeling really sad, that I should tell him and he'd try to help out. Made me feel much better. Glad I told him, because it would've been much more painful for me if I hadn't. I feel like I don't have to deal with the emotions all on my own now. It's nice. c:

[Deleted]

I'm glad that you told him! My SO knows about me too. By knowing about your issues, they can find ways to support you. In my opinion, it's always best to be open and honest in the long run.

[Lovebee]

I'm a bit late to the party, but good for you for telling him, and even better that he was understanding and supportive. It really is wonderful to have somebody to go to when times get tough. I battle with depression on and off, and my SO has been through it too. It affects 1 in 5 people (some people say the statistic is higher than that) and it is nothing to feel ashamed of. It is wonderful that your SO is there for you, because you're right - it sucks to be alone in depression.

I would definitely recommend some kind of talking therapy, and if that doesn't start to make a dent in your low mood, then I would suggest trying antidepressants. Sometimes they're helpful in getting out of that deep, dark place.

All the best, and hope things improve for you. I found the Dancing With The Black Dog blog very helpful. x

[stormy]

I agree with the responses I have read... let him know!
I have actually been struggling with my depression this week (was diagnosed with Major Depression Disorder -- blah blah just a name to say I've got sad people issues haha -- as a young teen (I'm a fan of keeping things light)) I told him about my past awhile ago but was still scared to tell him that I was struggling this week.
I had a full on mental break down... crying on the floor in the middle of my living room on the phone with my mom who had to use her mommy magic to get me up and at 'em. I did not want him to know, I was worried that I would scare him off, the crazy that I am.
Well I told him, in a text. His response? "Baby! No!!!" then a few minutes later "I am here when you're ready to talk" and we did later on and he was so supportive and empathetic that I am almost tearing up now.

"You could never scare me away with something like that". *swoon*

Are you taking a chance... sure, but either way if he is your partner, he will know. Might as well include him. <3