Holiday blues? Overthinking? Trying to get out of this rut...

[folclor]

I guess I get contemplative late at night, so sorry in advance if this mostly train-of-thought post gets convoluted.

It's the week before Christmas and that's nice and all... but I have a job in customer service (cafe server at a book store where we serve starbucks coffee, etc) so I see the worst holiday attitudes and the best. Every year at about ...well, now... I'm usually arriving at Edmonton International Airport in order to spend 2-4 weeks with my boyfriend. This time is the first (and possibly only) that my boyfriend is coming down to Texas to see me. But because of that, I'm on edge. When I'm the one travelling, I can do stuff to pass the dead time between work shifts. I can pack and repack my bags, I can go over my itinerary, plan food stops and the like. I find that all this dead time I have between shifts at the cafe is setting me up to think too hard about things.

His plane is supposed to arrive at 11:29PM on Sunday, December 22nd and he's returning to Edmonton on January 3rd. He won't be here quite two weeks... but almost. We're supposed to make a plan while he's here for me to move to Canada because after this we won't see each other until May (unless something miraculous happens). As silly and stupid as it sounds, because I'm not the one travelling this time, I'm thinking (and obsessing a little bit) about how short of a time we have together this visit.

Mrr... I don't even feel excited right now and it's 4 days to him being here. I know I am excited and I know that seeing him will be a rush of...everything we've always felt before, but I can't shake this overarching gloom. I'd rather spend the time leading up to this by daydreaming about the fun we could have or seeing him again or...just anything that's not "but he'll be gone in 13 days."

I think he's sympathetic. He's started doing things like interrupting his time with friends or family to purposely send me texts or IMs to tell me he wishes I was with him. But talking to him about this issue specifically yields the same, "Just don't think about it, act like it's not just for 2 weeks" response he's always given me.

Maybe I'm just being silly... or perhaps it's that it's so late...

I don't know whether I'm asking for advice or sympathy on this. I guess I don't really need 'advice,' per say. I have been doing this almost 3 and a half years now... So, no, not looking for advice... maybe for sympathy.

Anyone else ever feel like this?

[jana89]

My bf was supposed to come for Christmas. Then because of my studying we changed plans and he is coming in March. We thought we will have some really nice celebration of my graduation, but I am forced to prolong studies for few months because my thesis is not done yet. Now we do not even know if he will be able to come for my graduation, when it finally happen, because he is working ... This all suck. Guess we cant think too much about it. Just enjoy being with your SO from the first till the last moment, I believe it is gonna be amazing

[OperaDiva]

Well, it is early morning on this side of the ocean

I think I had a very similar line of thought last night (my plane was delayed) and today (I saw my SO last night but won't see him today and tomorrow...) I'm starting to think LDRs have their own dynamic - being in love but not able to touch, sharing in a way CDR rarely do, traveling in body and spirit to meet our SOs, saying goodbye - and it creates its own ups and downs, but they are not the kind of ups and downs that you can get used to, not really. Last night I was caught in this weird whirlwind of emotions - scared, happy, is he going to be there, how do i look, etc.
But then, you look into their eyes, and you know it's worth it.

[piratemama]

I know this isn't what you want or need to hear, but be thankful you are getting time with your SO. I won't be with mine at all this Christmas, and I miss him terribly. I'm jealous that you will have almost 2 weeks together, and you will be planning to close the distance. To me, that would be the best Christmas ever.

But, for you, every bit of gloom and concern will wash right away as soon as you see your SO.

[lyonsgirl]

It's so easy to focus on how long you have together and how little time you get to see each other. I was so quick to say, "we only got to see each other for 3 days" when we were LD. I had to force myself to change my train of thought - because it was making me depressed and negatively impacting our relationship. Instead, I started thinking, "We got to see each other for 3 days!".

It's really hard to do, I know. I honestly still struggle with the fact that he isn't leaving, and neither am I. It never gets easier, I don't think, but I do understand where you're brain is going. Try flipping the tracks on that train, and head down the other way - rather than focusing on how "little time" you get to see each other.

[sarahjane1992]

I know this isn't what you want or need to hear, but be thankful you are getting time with your SO. I won't be with mine at all this Christmas, and I miss him terribly. I'm jealous that you will have almost 2 weeks together, and you will be planning to close the distance. To me, that would be the best Christmas ever.

But, for you, every bit of gloom and concern will wash right away as soon as you see your SO.

I second this! All I want for Christmas is to have time with my SO. But with the combination of expensive tickets, my work schedule (I work in retail too) and weather/fight delays, I won't get to see him for Christmas. Saturday will be 2 months since our last visit and we have no set date for our next visit. It could be another 1-2 months.

[BabyGund]

It's an hour til he arrives so I hope you are more excited for seeing him and enjoying his company. That's the most important part.