Trying to Find Yourself Whilst in LDR

[her]

Any suggestions? Finding yourself in a relationship, refraining from breaking up.

[snow_girl]

I feel like you should have that figured out before getting into a relationship.

[Zephii]

I don't understand how people can struggle to find themselves, especially within a relationship. We humans grow and change every day. Every now and then you just have to sit down, take stock of your life and access if it's going where you want it to go. Do you know what makes you happy? Do you know what kind of things/hobbies you'd like to be involved in, in the future? Do you have a life outside of your SO?

I guess it depends what part of yourself you need to find?

[Black_Halloween]

I feel like you should have that figured out before getting into a relationship.

I agree with snow on this one. At least you should know some of your likes/dislikes, opinions ectect.

[conejita_hada]

Do you mean like how to deal with maturing as an individual while in an LDR?

People are constantly evolving over their lives; communication with your SO is necessary to make sure that as time progresses, both of you want the same/similar things from the relationship. I had a very different perspective and thoughts between 18 and 25 years old. My ideas on what I wanted out of my life were already pretty well founded, at a place I was comfortable with, prior to meeting my SO. He, too, decided on his career and where he wanted his life to go prior to meeting me. As we began and continue in our relationship, we both agreed with a sit-down discussion that we would each pursue the dreams we had for ourselves individually before meeting (career/education-wise) though we have shifted our decisions on other aspects (location, where to raise a family, when to raise a family, etc.). All of it though, we have figured out through open communication. We grow together and allow each other to grow as an individual. It's okay to want to figure out who you are, under your avatar says you're 17. That is the perfect age to start your discovery of who you are and what you want to do in life, just make sure both you and your SO want the same out of the relationship at that time, whether it be casual dating, a steady relationship, or having marriage/life commitment in-sight. You both should be on the same page about what stage you are at in life.

[her]

I guess I should've expanded a little.

My SO and I.. well, we met by supporting each other; though neither of us knew it at the beginning. Long story short, he recently has started to find out about himself. I feel left behind, but I know it is just my problems. I support him in wanting to find out about himself and I know that it's due time that I need to as well. If this is to ever work out in a healthy relationship.

My life has been tied to him. We've always been on the same page, both wanting a future together. But in the process to get there, we do need to find out what we truly want in life.

I'm just wondering what steps other people've taken to find themselves and who they truly are. I know this is a step in my life that I have to face in order to get anywhere.

[differentcountries]

There are many ways to find out these things. I belive it comes down to getting to know yourself. Do you know the answers to questions like:
- What gives you pleasure (food, drink, people, silence, sex, travel etc)?
- What are your love languages (do you feel most loved by compliments, gifts, services, time together or touch)?
- How to you plan to support yourself?
- What do or would make your life meaningful (religion, ideas, family etc)?
- How do you relax?

There are tests you can take, like versions of the Big 5 (5 personality traits) or you can read about the love languages or about Non-violent communication (you have to know yourself to communicate)

There are physical ways to do it, like sports or yoga

You can talk about life with friends or aquintances

You can write an entry in your journal/diary every day (or week) about your feelings and try to figure out what you feel and what made you feel that and what you plan to do about it (to make it last or to make it go away or to just let it be)

You can expand your social circle, or start to be alone more (whatever you are not doing at the moment).

The most important thing is to be curious about yourself, and curious about how things can be done in different ways. Then hopefully you will not be so tied up in old images of what you are/should be like and how things should be done.

[Malaga]

I don't understand how people can struggle to find themselves, especially within a relationship. We humans grow and change every day. Every now and then you just have to sit down, take stock of your life and access if it's going where you want it to go. Do you know what makes you happy? Do you know what kind of things/hobbies you'd like to be involved in, in the future? Do you have a life outside of your SO?

Depression makes you sink into lethargy and you honestly lose sight of who you are. There is nothing you really care about in your life, so it's hard to know what makes you happy if you're never truly happy, and it's hard to know what interests you if you don't see the point in anything. It's great if this never happens to you, but it is actually quite easy to get ambushed by apathy and recovery is hard and takes a long time. Some people use their SOs as a crutch and it gets them through a certain time, but it's obviously not a solution and over time it only contributes to feeling lost. I take it the OP realises that and is looking for help to change it.

I understand the OP when she talks about feeling left behind. One of my (irrational) fears is being left behind - but this is just a fear of change. You feel pressured to match his progress or you'll drift apart. If you have a healthy, supportive relationship, the first step is to realise you're putting that pressure on yourself, not him. It's not a measure of your worth for him. You feel like you should 'find yourself' and that's actually a good thing, but what spurred you is fear rather than inspiration. But as I said, this fear is irrational.

I think you should try leaving your comfort zone from time to time. Think of doing something that scares you and then do it. It doesn't have to be bungee jumping, at least not at first, but for example you could approach someone you don't know at work or at school and start a conversation. Sometimes it'll be awkward, sometimes it'll be liberating. But there's never any progress made if you don't leave your comfort zone.

Good luck xx