Losing hope

[klove]

Starting to feel like me and my long distance boyfriend just isent going to work out.Having this feeling really sucks Im starting.to feel down starting think maybe weve met at the wrong time in are lives :'( Hes sooo busy and has so much bad going on in his life and me the same way a little bit idk what to do!

[differentcountries]

If you both have stuff going on, maybe you can support each other? Even if he is busy there might be some time for the two of you to grow closer.

[klove]

Thanks but its just not that simple for us . He's just havent been mentally here like he was since his parents died and i cant help but understand that ! I mean if someone loses both parents he probably will careless about loseing me right?..

[differentcountries]

Does he get any help?

He might care more about loosing you, but at the same time he might more easily appear cold because losses can make you close up.

[silvermoonfairy3]

Thanks but its just not that simple for us . He's just havent been mentally here like he was since his parents died and i cant help but understand that ! I mean if someone loses both parents he probably will careless about loseing me right?..

If someone loses both parents, they might care MORE about losing a partner or SO, not wanting to keep losing stuff. Or, they could close up and be distant because they're dealing with a lot of pain and don't want to keep being close to people that they now assume they will lose, so it's a defense mechanism.

I was pretty emotionally fucked up for awhile after my dad died. If it had been both my parents, I can't imagine how much worse it would have been.

Were you having relationship issues before his parents died? If so, then unfortuantely it could be a catalyst.. I've seen people hit their "life is short" moment after their parents die, and realize they need to change things they aren't happy with, like getting a divorce in a so-so/unhappy marriage.

If you weren't having relationship issues beforehand, it seems a little selfish to be concerned about him being distant or whatnot after major life change of losing his parents. If I were you, I'd try to be supportive and not smothering, and let him work stuff out.
Good luck!

[LadyDaemon]

If you weren't having relationship issues beforehand, it seems a little selfish to be concerned about him being distant or whatnot after major life change of losing his parents. If I were you, I'd try to be supportive and not smothering, and let him work stuff out.
Good luck!

I agree with this. I get that it's important for you to have him there,but he just lost both of his parents. You need to let him come to terms with that and let him do what he's going to do. Everyone deals with death differently,some are very outward about it and others are very internal. He sounds like one of the internal ones. He deserves as much time to himself as he needs to grieve. If you need to talk about your day then that's what friends,family,blogs etc. are for. Those can take the place of going to him about everything temporarily until he deals with what he's going through. But also recognize that death of loved ones,particularly parents,can change a person and sometimes because of that it can end a relationship. I'm not trying to discourage you or say for sure that's what's going to happen,but I'm saying be prepared to deal with the fact that he and your relationship may not be the same after this.

[NikkiP]

I definitely agree with what the rest of the ladies have said.

[piratemama]

I'm sorry you are feeling so down. It's hard when you feel like your SO isn't loving you the same anymore. However, he probably feels just as strongly for you as before. Guys often show love differently. If he is processing some problem or hurt, he can't really do much else. I've noticed my SO seems distant, when he is trying to work out a problem. Then, when the problem is worked out, he's back to normal. His feelings for me never changed, although it seemed that way.

Have you talked with him about how you are feeling? You could ask him how you could best help him through this time.

[squeeker]

I agree with what has been already said. That said, I think maybe you should look at this from a different perspective. Maybe you have met each other at exactly the RIGHT time, the time you need each other most.

When my SO and I first met, that first year was especially tough for my SO, there was some really tough financial and family issues carrying on and also my SO has had a really tough past because of family and financial issues as well. It can be tough, and at times maybe my mind has hovered around the "is it worth it?" and feeling helpless and not knowing what to do. But I think you need to remember that it would be VERY tough to lose both parents and your SO probably really needs you right now. But also he might need space to work through it. Try and be available to him but try not to smother him, because depending on how he is feeling and taking it he might need less or more help.

Relationships take time, there are good and bad things that happen in all relationships. Maybe the bad things "usually" happen once you have been together a longer period of time.. but if they happen at the beginning of the relationship, they can test your relationship right away.. do you love him enough to be with him through the good and the bad? Just something you may want to think about. Good luck.

[kikidee]

I'm sorry what you are going through, but you need to be supportive now more than ever to your SO. Relationships can't be perfect all the time. Life happens. You're supposed to stick with someone through the good and the bad because you love them. But most of all, communicate with him about this and tell him you want to help him. Good luck.

[Yaaamiii]

No words of advice aside from what's been said, but I hope everything works to what's best for the both of you. He may need to seek therapy, nothing wrong with that. Best of luck and sending good thoughts your way.

[pretty ll vacant]

Death is a hard thing to deal with but I think you should want to be there for him even more. Let him know that you're going to be there for him if he needs you and give him time to deal with things. You guys should come together and be there to support each other when things start going bad. I don't know how to really describe it but my bf and I have been through a lot with each other and I feel like moments like that end up bringing us even closer. I'm so sorry that you're dealing with this and I hope you can have patience and figure out what you want. Maybe you should ask yourself if you really want to be with him. If the thought of him not being in your life at all saddens you, then you have your answer. Stick by him, I'm sure he'll appreciate it and he probably needs you more than he is able to express. I hope everything is okay.

[Chris516]

I think I can identify with the title of this thread.

When I received a 'thank you' email, for the flowers I sent my SO for Christmas, the end of her email said 'LOTS OF LOVE!!!!!', and 'deepest gratitude'. That sounds like another step away, even though she said she wanted to come out here in the Spring.

I am losing hope myself.

So, To the OP, I feel for your situation.