My second Long Distance Relationship

[FoxxieKay]

Hello fellow LFAD people.
My name is Katie, and this is my new post so I'm a little nervous about this, being a noob and all :P
My boyfriend's name is James, and immediately upon actually taking time to talk with him...I felt the connection and he had me hooked.
I'm sure there will be a lot of the people reading this most likely thinking, " Wow they haven't been together long at all" but you have to start somewhere, people.
The date we made our relationship Official was December 19th, 2013, which is why I say it's very early in our relationship.

I've been in a LDR (long distance relationship) before, and it didn't work out. However, I know exactly why it didn't work out..and it's because we both kind of just gave up.
James and I have talked about it, and we're willing to stick through this so we can be together and close our distance some day.
We know it's going to take time, and it isn't going to be easy, but we're willing to do it.

I came across this site by doing a simple Google search of " activities for long distance relationship partners to do together".
I saw there was a forum and decided to join earlier in mine and James relationship because I feel like it will be good to have a good support group
of people that know the ins and outs of a LDR and know all the complications and hard times of it...as well as the fun good times.

I'm going to try getting James to join the forum as well, because I think it could be a fun thing.
Please, don't hesitate to respond to my thread or send me a message...I really want to meet people here but I'm a bit nervous.

Here's a few questions I have.

1. How long have you been with your Significant Other?
2. How many times have you seen in each other in person if you've even met yet.
3. Could you please tell me your love story summarized or not summarized, I don't care..I just want to hear other's story...it really helps motivate me.
4. Any tips that you'd like to give me for mine and James relationship, Life, or for using the forum?

I thank you for taking the time to read this lengthy post if you did so. I'm sorry it's so long. I just wanted to get an introductory post out here I guess. =\

[jana89]

Hello Katie, welcome to LFAD forums I wish you good luck with your new relationship, really hope you will make it work this time. I am in LDR for something over two years and hope to close distance in summer 2014. I have met my SO while studying in Denmark and I loved him from the first moment I have seen him. We started dating officialy about two months after we have met. We try to visit about every 4 months, but for example now we are apart for 7 months (last visit was August and we will meet in March). It sucks, but you have to go on. My advice for you would be to have patience, communicate with your SO as much as possible and donīt let other people to undermine your relationship. As for forums, feel free to PM me Also, there is a special part just for people posting their love stories, you might be interested in that

[mellif]

Hi Katie!! Welcome.

1. 5 months

2. My SO and I have met 2 times. We live 6 hours apart, but we've been so lucky and these visits somehow worked out.

3. We met on an online video game-- I had always seen him around the community (it's a small game) but never really talked to him. Then, while playing, he joined a voice Skype call with me and 2 other players. We both felt a slight connection, and hung out within the group of friends. Eventually we started talking more one-on-one. I realized that he had a girlfriend, and he had a past with smoking pot; but I already had a crush on him. I also knew that there was something special about him. I kept talking to him, and sometime in June he tells me that he broke up with his girlfriend. Then, a week or two later, I decide to confess to him. We both admit that we really liked each other, but I could tell he was avoiding the topic of dating, so I didn't pressure him. 2 weeks later, we still weren't dating and I was getting worried. I then hear from a friend that he's actually 15, instead of 16 which is what he told me. I confront him about it, and told him that I didn't mind at all, but he needed to be honest with me so we could figure these kinds of issues out. After he understands, he asked me out.

We've been dating since. It's been a bit bumpy sometimes, with depression and anxiety issues on my part and family issues on his. But really, as long as we stayed honest with ourselves and to each other, we were able to figure things out. We might've gotten annoyed with each other at some points, but (so far) we've always been able to discuss it rather than argue or fight.

4. Remember to think about the long run-- the time you spend together apart is nothing compared to the time you'll have when you close the distance. Believe that it will happen rather than maybe. LDRs are a battle worth fighting for, and you don't want to give up just because of the distance. As far as the forums go, just remember to respect opinions and differences in the ways other relationships are constructed. Something might strike you as odd or wrong, and it's perfectly ok to debate against a point with logical reasoning-- but don't take things personally and lash out, or people may get thrown off or upset.

[piratemama]

Advice - just recognize upfront it's hard to be in a ldr, but it's really worth it, too. You have to talk to yourself a lot, when you start to doubt, lose faith, or lose trust. Trust unless given a real reason not to do so. Do all you can to keep connected with him. You did well to start googling ways to do that. When you have concerns, share with your SO, but do so with respect and rationally. If you two have to go a long time without talking, emailing, or Skyping, then agree ahead of time to do something to feel connected (ex. set your alarms to go off at same time, write letters to read during that time, etc.). Read through this forum and find others that you like and admire the way they post, then you can PM them for advice when you get really down. Focus on the good on the relationship and your SO.

Welcome to the forum.

[Heavenly_Love12]

Hi Katie! Welcome to the group! I found this forum the same way you did and it has been quite a blessing! It's always great to be around those who know first-hand what you're going through or talking about.

Here's a few questions I have.

1. Technically, we officially started dating again on November 23, 2013 but we had dated off and on for 6-7 months or so long distance. Looking back on it, neither of us was in the right place to be in a relationship, especially an LDR, and it played a part in us breaking up. There will be more info about our relationship in #3

2. We haven't had a visit since we got back together but saw each other last year for two weeks. In 2014, we're hoping for 3-4 visits (2 are all ready planned)

3. Here's our story, I'll try to not write a novel here.

My SO, Aaron, and I met back in high school My junior year/his senior year, he asked my best friend to Homecoming. That was one of the first times that I was introduced to him. My second semester of college, we started talking after taking the same quiz and scoring similar on MySpace (anyone remember when MySpace was THE thing?) We dated for 3 months and decided to take a break during the summer. That didn't really work and we started dating again in July. We were together a year and then broke up. There were a few things going on at the time, mostly he was in technical school for the Air Force and I was three semesters away from graduating with my Bachelor's degree. He didn't want me to transfer schools or give up things to be with him so he ended it. I didn't find out his thinking until a couple years later though and always thought I'd done things wrong. I still cared about him and loved him though. We didn't talk for two years after that. It was too painful for me to do so when he seemed so happy and began dating someone else.

In July of 2012, he messaged me on facebook. He apologized for how he acted at the end of our relationship and stated that he understood due to having been put through something very similar. He wanted to be friends and said that he still had feelings for me. We began dating long distance after a couple months. He was back home in Texas and I had just gotten to my first duty station in Alaska. We broke up in May due to having issues we both needed to work through. We stayed friends and became best friends during that time. He wanted to try dating again in August but I didn't want to risk losing our friendship and to be honest, I was scared that if we tried dating again, things could end up horribly. I decided to stop not doing something based out of fear and we officially got back together on November 23rd.

I have loved my SO since 2009 and even during the two year we didn't speak, I prayed for him, cared about him, and still loved him although it wasn't an "in love with him" type love. I always believed he was the one for me and wanted to spend my life with him. I still feel the same and things are looking good

4. As for advice, my biggest one is communication! My SO was horrible about opening up to me all the time I've known him until after we broke up in May. He started being more open and now, he tells me things that he tells no one else. You have to talk about any concerns, worries, insecurities, etc. that you have and have an open mind. You have to trust each other and stay strong throughout difficult points. If you have an argument, don't hang up the phone or log off of skype because nothing gets resolved that way. Being optimistic is a must too! No one wants to be long distance forever but there are reasons why some close the distance earlier than others. Have your own goals and dreams, stay busy, and always make time for each other.

[CutieTii]

Hello there Katie, Welcome to the forum ^^ I was looking for bracelets and found this forum and found it useful. ^^

1. I have known my SO for a year before dating. 3 Years together in LDR and 1 year and two months for being in closed distance.

2. We never met in our LDR time but when he did come over we was living together on the very same day upon meeting. ( We never did anything sexual for a long time and slept in different rooms and beds till some months we actually started to sleep in a single bed, very comfortable.. ish xD)

3. We meet on a Online action game, We just met in a random room and he liked how I stood up for myself and how I fight ( within the game of course) We just felt an connection and decided to keep in touch. We was taken at the time till a year later we broke up with our exs and we just started to be more in love feelings, We never asked if we wanted to be in a relationship, It just happened and I was glad it did. If I was real truthful, I started to get love feelings when he was with his ex and no I did not string my ex around. I did love him too but my SO somehow it felt different. We had so much in common so I had to be cold against my SO to protect us from doing something bad to both our relationships and not to destroy our new one if it came to it. Then we couldn't fight it anymore and it just happened. Like I said up there ^

4. Advice I can give is communication like everyone will say. But you need to take advantage of technology use it to help your relationship. Do things you two have common in, Going for walks, Reading, Watching youtube together and movies.
Reminder, You should get a unlimited internet price plan so you can use internet on your phone whether its for facebook chat. If you both have smartphones even better you can use free messengers on your phones to chat together while away, If you two use computers often use skype, voice each other.

Me and My SO skype call everyday whenever we could talk to each other till we go asleep. We used Whatsapp when we wasn't near a PC.

[differentcountries]

Hie, welcome to the Forum
1 I have been with my boyfriend 3 months.
2 We met when I was at holiday and he worked. Apart from that, we have met once. Next visit is in a month. I hope to see him every 6-8 weeks during 2014.
3 He waited me and my friends' tables , came on to me and before I left we had started a relationship
4 Forum /Page: Read the tip Page, is it 103 tips now? Answer the threads of others. Make a search for threads.. Notice tips on gift making and letter writing. Buy a pair of LDR bracelets.
Relationship: Use Skype or similar. Make deals on how to be in contact, still be generous as to tolerate a change in plans. Get each other gifts. Ask each other curious questions. Tell about yourself willingly. Get involved in family and close friends, learn from these other important relations. Make plans for the next visit. Exchange info about your daily life and also about dreams for the future.

[FoxxieKay]

Ooft! I didn't expect THIS many responses! It's so amazing thank you all SO much.
I love the advice about keeping communication open that pretty much all of you gave. James and I have discussed it and we told each other that open communication is definitely a must. and if we're upset about something we will discuss it instead of bottling it in and letting it erupt like volcano.
Someone mentioned having an unlimited internet data plan on a cell phone...and we both have smart phones...I'm not sure what plan he has 100%..but my plan is through virgin mobile and it's unlimited talk, text, and internet data....soo I'm good there. Definitely is a must though. Gotta have ways to communicate without having to be in front of a computer 24/7.... Though it is nice being in front of a computer and falling asleep together on video chat, I must admit.

I will forever cherish each and every one of y'alls responses....and when things get tough...I'll always read through this to keep myself strong and to read over the advice when needed.

Please feel free to pm me any time all of you.
=)

[BabyGund]

I could have sworn I replied to this earlier....I typed it all out. Huh.

Anywho,

How long have you been with your Significant Other?
J and I just celebrated 8 months on the 22nd -- this is also my second LDR, which explains why I joined in 2010 but this relationship started in 2013.
How many times have you seen in each other in person if you've even met yet.
Just once, at the 6 month mark. Our schedules, with FT work, kids, exes, etc. Our original plan is to keep it to 6 month intervals, though we may have opportunities to see each other more often than that.
Could you please tell me your love story summarized or not summarized, I don't care..I just want to hear other's story...it really helps motivate me.
Uhmm....we met online, via social media. We were members of the same group. He would say he was attracted to my vibrant personality; I simply thought he was cute and funny. And I told him that! And he sent me a message. And the rest is history. Within 5 days we were in love (what us old folks call love). And I call us old folks because he's 16 years older than me.
Any tips that you'd like to give me for mine and James relationship, Life, or for using the forum?
As everyone mentions, communication is key. The biggest lesson I've learned is that he is not a mind reader and I am not either. It is imperative that we both ask for what we need. We may not always get it, but at least it is out there and we can work through it.
Work on your vocabulary -- because you can only describe cybersex so many different ways (I'm surprised we manage to find new ways after 8 months!)
Be prepared for negatives from friends and family. Though mine are mostly supportive, his are not. Get familiar with their objections and have rebuttals.
Tips for the forum -- just get out there and get active and you'll meet people. Some have been here a long time. Despite me joining in 2010, after that LDR ended I was gone for almost 2 years, so I feel like I'm just getting back in and meeting new people again.

[Spooks]

HELLO!!! Welcome to LFAD!


1) Three years and counting.
2) We met ONCE before closing the distance for one week. I think we beat some sort of record, haha
3) Daniel and I met in a chatroom called Teenspot. We both had the same group of friends and one night we just clicked and fell in love. We spent the first week staying up until the wee hours of the morning talking about everything and anything. TWO years later (Yes, thats right) we met for this first time and three months later he moved in with my parents and I. Crazy huh? :P
4) ....Don't forget to have a V8! :P haha just kidding...(but really..dont or else a random person will hit your forhead). Since the others beat the communication card to death, I'm going to say to have FUN together. Play games via skype (online or off), come up with silly pick up lines to tell each other..anything really!

Best of luck to the both of you

[Rugger]

Welcome to LFAD!

How long have you been with your Significant Other?
We've been together 4 years as of November 21, 2013. We started dating in 2009 and start our LDR in May of 2009 when we graduated from college. We were LDR for 2 years and change before My SO moved here. We closed the distance August of 2012. We currently live together in New York with our kitten, Zelda.

How many times have you seen in each other in person if you've even met yet.

We met the first semester of our senior year of college. We were dating around 6 months when we went LDR.We lived 6 hours from each other. We visited every month for 2 years ish.

Could you please tell me your love story summarized or not summarized, I don't care..I just want to hear other's story...it really helps motivate me.

We intiatially met our junior year at a rugby mixer. He was there with his best friend and his best friend's twin sister, who as going to join rugby. She was wasted and I was taking care of her. I didn't get his name. I re-met him a couple of times the beginning of our senior year- at a toga party, at the gym and then finally Halloween. I worked up the courage, kissed him and told him to call me. He called the next day and the rest as they say, is history.

Any tips that you'd like to give me for mine and James relationship, Life, or for using the forum?

Communication. communication. communication. It's really the backbone of any LDR. Also trust. If there is no trust, there is no relationship.

About the forum, please here are very very honest and can be blunt. Don't take it personally. If you ask for advice, don't get angry when people give it.

[Shae17]

How long have you been with your Significant Other?

Um I would say 2 months (8 years off and on kind of).


How many times have you seen in each other in person if you've even met yet.

3x since 05 (explain more in a second)

Could you please tell me your love story summarized or not summarized, I don't care..I just want to hear other's story...it really helps motivate me.


I met my SO in 2005 we went to the same high school and honestly couldn't stand one another. We fought and argued all the time lol. I was best friends with his sister during our senior year of high school and somehow we ended up dating... We still trying to figure who asked who out. Right after graduation I decided to move 8 1/2 hours away to go to college and he decided to stay in our home state. We try LDR than but it truly didn't work. We were soo young and just really finding out who we were. We remain friend over the years and the love for one another remained. However at the failure of our first LDR we decided to never try again. How ever the 2 times I went to visit home we would hang out and realize the love was still there. Finally a month ago we decided to try LDR again since we are older. I just got back this past week and honestly I'm more in love with him than ever because we keep communication open and we allowed ourselves to know one another through the years. I am visiting him next month and we are basically rotating every month some months will be twice a month due to special occasions. Yes a bit expensive but I just cut back on shoe shopping for more time with him. It took us a couple years to realize what we have but we love one another. We are already discussing closing the distance March 2014.

Any tips that you'd like to give me for mine and James relationship, Life, or for using the forum?

If you really trust and care for one another you can make it happen. Stick to it and have a strong open communication with your SO. Good Luck

[kikidee]

Hey Katie! Nice to meet you. i'm always here to talk so don't hesitate to leave me a PM, I love chattin it up with other peeps on this site!

How long have you been with your Significant Other?
Well my signature says it but basically 6 months and 3 weeks, though we have known each other for 5 years but only got close in late 2012.

How many times have you seen in each other in person if you've even met yet.
Again in signature xD 3 times.

Could you please tell me your love story summarized or not summarized, I don't care..I just want to hear other's story...it really helps motivate me.
My SO and I met 5 years ago because we had a mutual online friend. We were dating different people so we just were friends, I'm glad we didn't date during high school because I was so immature and bleh. We both agreed we probably would have f***'d it up back then.
Fast forward to August 2012 and we reconnected and were both single. He called me just to chat and after some talking we realized we actually began to have feelings for each other and recognized we had a lot in common. He's in the Airforce and is stationed a few states away, and while it is closer than where he originally is (Kentucky) he can only take leave so often and it can get pretty full of other people's requests. Also he is signed on for around 4 more years so yeah :/ It's been the best relationship I've ever been in even if it does get really hard, I just know I love him more than anyone I've ever loved.

Any tips that you'd like to give me for mine and James relationship, Life, or for using the forum?
Communicate everything. Plan special dates for just you and him time. If you really love them, love them for who they are completely. Love isn't about selfishness, it's about you loving them to be happy. Not to go so far as abuse or to let them walk all over you, just to always want to make them happy. Good luck :3

[abna1]

Welcome to LFAD, Katie Am sure you'll enjoy it here.

How long have you been with your Significant Other?
About 1 year and 10 months

How many times have you seen in each other in person if you've even met yet.
We met in person and then I've been able to go back an see him twice after that.

Could you please tell me your love story summarized or not summarized, I don't care..I just want to hear other's story...it really helps motivate me.
Very summarised: We met when I was in volunteering in Ghana, fell in love and decided to give it a try as crazy as it sounded to us back then. Am so glad we did.

Any tips that you'd like to give me for mine and James relationship, Life, or for using the forum?
Have fun and don't get discouraged by hard days. It's easy to let them get you down, but just remind yourself why you're doing this. It will be worth it !

[Chlo]

Welcome to the forums, Katie!

How long have you been with your Significant Other?
Just over 8 months now, not as long as some of the others on here, but this is my first LDR and it's going well!

How many times have you seen in each other in person if you've even met yet.
Sadly, we have yet to meet.

Could you please tell me your love story summarized or not summarized, I don't care..I just want to hear other's story...it really helps motivate me.
My SO and I met on an online game, World of Warcraft to be exact. Some people may laugh, but hey, love happens in the weirdest of places.
We've known each other just over a year, but ever since we met we've spoken to each other quite a bit. First, it was just in-game, typing and stuff. Eventually convinced him to stop being so shy and that I don't bite and he started actually talking to me properly. He made a Skype account for me, and we got to know each other pretty quickly after that.
We spent hours upon hours Skyping and playing games, but we got closer and closer. It got to a point were we find it hard to play games without one another, haha!
I remember the night he actually asked me, (I won't go into detail, I doubt many would understand) but he was so sweet, and I haven't regretted a day since.

Any tips that you'd like to give me for mine and James relationship, Life, or for using the forum?
Communication, trust and compromise!
And I completely second what abna1 put!

Feel free to message me if you feel like talking about anything!