3 months later, and we're still in the same position..

[TooFarAway]

Well, let's be real here. I don't think you like people telling you to break up with her. Lmao, who does. If you love someone, you love them and want to stay with them no matter what the heck people say. You're looking for an answer that will solve the problem without you breaking up with her right? Like someone said, the best thing to do is to talk to her. Be honest, seriously.
The thing that's bothering me is that usually if you were a girl friend of mine I would say, "If he makes you happy, then I'm happy. It's your choice, just be careful bla bla bla." But with the looks of things, she is definitely not making you happy LOL. I think you need to sit back and re-evaluate your relationship here, ESPECIALLY, if even after you've spilled your feelings and told her that she's being unfair, she still acts like a child and continues being a little brat. Because as above posters have said, she's just being plain abusive.
I don't know but I think if this problem carries on, you'll eventually break up with her. I mean she's just being downright insensitive if she keeps acting that way and no one wants that. Look, you have much more important things going on in your life and your relationship with her is a hindrance. Your feelings of love will fade and you'll find someone better for sure.

[rubydissolution]

Well, let's be real here. I don't think you like people telling you to break up with her. Lmao, who does. If you love someone, you love them and want to stay with them no matter what the heck people say. You're looking for an answer that will solve the problem without you breaking up with her right? Like someone said, the best thing to do is to talk to her. Be honest, seriously.
The thing that's bothering me is that usually if you were a girl friend of mine I would say, "If he makes you happy, then I'm happy. It's your choice, just be careful bla bla bla." But with the looks of things, she is definitely not making you happy LOL. I think you need to sit back and re-evaluate your relationship here, ESPECIALLY, if even after you've spilled your feelings and told her that she's being unfair, she still acts like a child and continues being a little brat. Because as above posters have said, she's just being plain abusive.
I don't know but I think if this problem carries on, you'll eventually break up with her. I mean she's just being downright insensitive if she keeps acting that way and no one wants that. Look, you have much more important things going on in your life and your relationship with her is a hindrance. Your feelings of love will fade and you'll find someone better for sure.

This all of it! You are not happy. Anyone who reads your post can see that. You are past the stage where all those little things are doing it for you. She's stressing you out. If you don't call she gets pissy, if you don't talk she gets pissy...you can't win here. Unless she starts putting an effort to the relationship it's doomed to fail. Sit down and ask yourself, am I truly happy? How long can I keep this up? This clearly isn't what you want in a girlfriend, you want someone who will put in as much effort as you do.

It took me a while to realize how unhappy I was in my previous relationship, but when I did I felt such relief. There was so much freedom being single. No fights, no being talked down to, no putting in all the effort and receiving nothing in return. It let me focus on myself and find what I really wanted in my SO. I think you need to do the same, but I'm not going to push the issue.

I can't offer you any advice to save the relationship as you have already talked to her about the issue and nothing has changed. So gl.

[ThePiedPiper]

All I can really add is that no one can change her for you, and no one can make her change. Your post reeks of resentment, so that's why I said you seem to end up pissed off because she's not who you want her to be. That's not a bad thing. Anyone should hope to have a partner who puts in as much effort as they do. That said, she isn't that partner. You've spoken to her about it and fought with her about it and it's still been going on for 3+ months. There's unfortunately a point you have to call it quits. Take it from someone who's tried in these situations way harder than I ever should have: it's not worth it. It takes two to tango and you can only do your part. She's made it clear she's not going to change, so at this point, you can accept the way that she is now and that this is the way it's going to be, or you can break up with her. It's not a fair situation or a fun situation to be in, but at this point, it's past the talks and trying to work things out. This is who she is, fundamentally, and you can either live with her how she is or you can't. It sucks, but sometimes there aren't solutions to one's problems. :/

[Dezface]

What TPP said. You can't force someone to change. She's made it clear she's unwilling to. Either you accept her how she is or you leave the relationship.

[Moon]

Matt, I'm really sorry you're going through this. She sounds a bit immature, and has a Disney idea of how a relationship works, she needs a serious reality check. It's time for a big, huge, serious discussion, where you lay it all on the line for her, she needs to know that everything being "your responsibility" is outrageous and unattainable. Relationships need much more of a 50/50 compromise, and she's far from pulling her weight. Tell her you love her, but you need more from her to keep the relationship sustainable, because you're really starting to resent her, which is a relationship-killer. Yes, she'll get upset, and it might be a messy conversation, but it's one that you need to have, and let her know you're serious, and it's the last time you'll have it. Remain calm, and stick to your guns, no matter what, make very sure that you've been clear about what you need, then see if it sinks in. You can wait for her to call you, make sure she understands you mean it, and don't give it. It'll be hard, but it's the only way I can think of to fix this. Good luck!

[Heavenly_Love12]

Goodness! I'm sorry you are going through this and are in this kind of relationship. It certainly does not sound healthy! I think you definitely need to talk to your SO about how you are feeling in a calm way. I understand that you are frustrated, tired, and upset but being harsh and yelling only causes people to tune the other person out.

If talking to her does not resolve anything, you have to ask yourself if anything will change. You have to be selfish sometimes and consider your own happiness. I don't understand why you have to make the first contact all the time. I know my SO will usually contact me first because of the time difference and he's up early for work but we both put in effort and do things for each other. A relationship is not one-sided and that's how yours sounds. If you need to, take some time to analyze what you want out of this relationship and life. You're young and have a lot on your plate. I know I'm only 4 years older than you but trust me, I have changed and matured a lot in that time, as has my SO. We dated when I was 19/20 and he was 20/21. We were CD and together for a bit more than a year. Looking back on it, neither of us was mature enough or in the position to be thinking like we were and that's something that I only saw with time.

I do hope you are able to reach some kind of compromise with her. I agree with her getting some hobbies or working more to give her something to do. She might be lonely and just lashing out at you because there's no one else. Have a heart to heart and try extremely hard to get her to Skype you. It is a lot better to have conversations like these face to face. Good luck!

[Kiyama]

I third everything Piper said. I'm so sorry for how crappy you feel right now and I know how difficult it is to let go of someone when you're still in love.
The thing is that I don't believe that there is a way for you two to go back to "normal"-that's if you ever were.
You seem to be past the point of no return. You tried everything you could but she can't or won't change. Your first post sounds so bitter and harsh. You even talk about disgust you feel sometimes. That's not how you should talk about the girl you are madly and love with. Like Piper I don't think you will be able to shake those feelings off, especially because nothing will change. Sometimes we wish so much for someone to realise how little it takes to change and to just do it and to be the person we want them to be. Unfortunately we cling on to a fantasy instead of facing reality and to what _is_. This is your reality and she cannot be your fantasy girl

[Ahava]

It sounds like one of those relationships/situations where the other person (her) is not happy with themselves/their life and expects the other (you) to change that for them, but the thing is they will never be happy/you will never manage to do things 100 % right to their satisfaction.

I think as Moon and others have suggested, the only possible thing that can help is to give her a cold shower/reality check. She needs to be woken up from her dream and if that doesn't help, call it quits.

[BigMatt93]

I would just like to thank everyone for their responses. I got a lot more advice then I could of ever hoped for. I'm sorry that I'm not replying to everybody with an individual reply like I usually do, but everybody's posts and opinions seem to be similar in content, So i'll just write out one reply. Again, I can't thank everybody enough who replied to this topic and gave me advice. I'll admit, Some of it wasn't what I wanted to hear, But I appreciate it none the less! I do agree with what everybody has said about it being time for her and I to sit and have a serous conversation, So that will be my next course of action and I'm going to shoot for the best but ultimately, I realize and understand what it could come down too. Whether I chose to keep on going on with this until I completely burn myself out or I'm open, honest, and lay everything on the table and she realizes how I'm feeling and I would hope agrees to help pick up some of the slack, But if not, As I mentioned... If there is no compromise or agreement between the two of us, I understand what may have to be done.

[Ahava]

Just a thought! If I was in her shoes, because I'm not that good at talking about issues face to face (I handle stuff way better written down) and if I was confronted with something like this I would probably end up "locking myself" or shutting the other person of. So in my case it would be better to receive the "news" in a written format say an email so then I could read it in my time, read it again and again and have time to digest.
So if your so is anything like me in this case, it might work to tell her that you guys have some serious stuff to talk about and that if she wants to continue the relationship she should be cooperative and tell her that you are going to write her a long email that you want her to read thoroughly have a few days to think about and when she is ready, address the issue and talk, or she can email you back.

[BigMatt93]

Ahava - Thank you for the advice! I was originally thinking something like that, but my SO isn't very techy and honestly? I'm kind of surprised I've gotten her to email as much as she has throghout the relationship. I also think that issues like this although can't be done face to face like they should be, I feel like it's better to be verbal about it and have an actual conversation about it.