Okay, never diagnosed, but I would say that I have some big "daddy issues." He and I don't get along well most of the time, and he treats me like a second-class citizen or a sibling competition, and can degrade me very much emotionally. I don't want to publicly berate him (since, I suppose, there are reasons for the souring of his temperament, but not reasons for how he can behave towards others), so I will stop now.
How does this relate to my LDR? Well, I very much don't want to end up with someone like my father and felt that, other than some moodiness or acid sense of humour, my SO is nothing like my father. He is generous, without expectations for return. He is polite, sets big goals and works hard (with some procrastination along the way) to reach those goals. He hears me out and encourages me on whichever path that I choose. However, now that he has had trouble sleeping and also now that his term has started and he is in serious composition mode, he has become snippy. I thought I could deal with that patiently, but I got my feelings hurt tonight. Not to go on too long, but I have had trouble with the "real" job search, post-graduation (with various obstacles like health and such going on). My parents are polar opposites about it, where my dad (very hypocritically, I might add) thinks that I should do the lowliest job I can just so I can make any money and be out of his hair, while my mom wants me to reach for the stars and nothing less. Granted this situation, my SO has been very good about finding a middle ground and also being a listening ear. Today, I heard back from an email that I had sent near the beginning of the summer (with a reminder a couple days ago) to a place that would be amazing and ideal for me to work at right now (close to home, so I can save money on rent, in a community I know, training in a specialization of my discipline, looks like a great environment, etc.), which was really exciting. I am still hoping to be considered for one of their higher up and permanent positions, but what they have suggested (a tour, meeting the staff/ doing observations, and a serious talk about an...on-call position) is a start and they sound very positive. I thought my SO would be excited for me, but he said the basic sort of "oh, that's good"...with no real conviction behind it and was kind of prodding if this would happen and would lead to anything of substance (not his words, but it was implied). At some point in the conversation, too, I was talking about the profession I had trained in and how there are pc terms for things now and he snarkily said "oh, well, that's so optimistic to say that"--I feel like he has become jaded with the process and my joblessness (seriously, though, we aren't married, living together, and we don't have children...it's not like it affects him that much), where I am already feeling that way and really need him to be my rock and inspiration!
You know, I would have called him on being kind of snarky about it, but both of our phones were having wacky reception issues today and so sometimes I gave him the benefit that he might have continued on a more encouraging path as my phone fuzzed out or something, but I am not so sure. *Sigh* I guess I am feeling disappointed that he could have some very dad-like qualities, after all, and rather snarked at unnecessarily (I called him today, and answered the phone earlier when he called to let him know I was driving back home to speak to him, so we really are working on our communication stuff...and I couldn't think what else would be up his craw so much that he would be that...inconsiderate). 
Oh my! I need to sleep...dentist's appointment bright and early and I am once again typing away way late tonight...today (well, you know what I mean).
How does this relate to my LDR? Well, I very much don't want to end up with someone like my father and felt that, other than some moodiness or acid sense of humour, my SO is nothing like my father. He is generous, without expectations for return. He is polite, sets big goals and works hard (with some procrastination along the way) to reach those goals. He hears me out and encourages me on whichever path that I choose. However, now that he has had trouble sleeping and also now that his term has started and he is in serious composition mode, he has become snippy. I thought I could deal with that patiently, but I got my feelings hurt tonight. Not to go on too long, but I have had trouble with the "real" job search, post-graduation (with various obstacles like health and such going on). My parents are polar opposites about it, where my dad (very hypocritically, I might add) thinks that I should do the lowliest job I can just so I can make any money and be out of his hair, while my mom wants me to reach for the stars and nothing less. Granted this situation, my SO has been very good about finding a middle ground and also being a listening ear. Today, I heard back from an email that I had sent near the beginning of the summer (with a reminder a couple days ago) to a place that would be amazing and ideal for me to work at right now (close to home, so I can save money on rent, in a community I know, training in a specialization of my discipline, looks like a great environment, etc.), which was really exciting. I am still hoping to be considered for one of their higher up and permanent positions, but what they have suggested (a tour, meeting the staff/ doing observations, and a serious talk about an...on-call position) is a start and they sound very positive. I thought my SO would be excited for me, but he said the basic sort of "oh, that's good"...with no real conviction behind it and was kind of prodding if this would happen and would lead to anything of substance (not his words, but it was implied). At some point in the conversation, too, I was talking about the profession I had trained in and how there are pc terms for things now and he snarkily said "oh, well, that's so optimistic to say that"--I feel like he has become jaded with the process and my joblessness (seriously, though, we aren't married, living together, and we don't have children...it's not like it affects him that much), where I am already feeling that way and really need him to be my rock and inspiration!
You know, I would have called him on being kind of snarky about it, but both of our phones were having wacky reception issues today and so sometimes I gave him the benefit that he might have continued on a more encouraging path as my phone fuzzed out or something, but I am not so sure. *Sigh* I guess I am feeling disappointed that he could have some very dad-like qualities, after all, and rather snarked at unnecessarily (I called him today, and answered the phone earlier when he called to let him know I was driving back home to speak to him, so we really are working on our communication stuff...and I couldn't think what else would be up his craw so much that he would be that...inconsiderate). Oh my! I need to sleep...dentist's appointment bright and early and I am once again typing away way late tonight...today (well, you know what I mean).
Comment