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    #1

    Frustrated with friends not understanding

    I have always relied on my friends since moving out to CA since my family is far away. To me, they are my family. I am a very good friend to the people I care about. My BF and I are going on 2 years and suddenly my friends are completely unsupportive and in my opinion being unreasonable about what my expectations should be. My one friend asked if he got me a diamond for Christmas...why does he have to ask me to marry him?? I don't need a diamond! I did get diamond earrings though
    She also knows he doesn't have a sitter or friends or family there so it's easier for me to make the trip out to see him. Every time except once he's paid for all or at least half of my airfare. She said I need to tell him I'm not coming out there anymore and that he should have to come here. She basically said I should give him an ultimatum about closing the distance, which I don't feel the need to do.
    I can see from the outside looking in that being in an LDR looks and seems like a waste of time...we sacrifice SO much to be with that person. The thing is, if I didn't think it was worth it, if HE wasn't worth it then I'd be gone on a heartbeat. Of course I wish it were different. I've lost a few friendships to be with him, I'm alone a lot, I can't talk to him whenever I want...the list goes on and on.
    I truly think that unless you have had/are in an LDR you truly have no idea and cannot possibly understand why we go through this.
    Has anyone else found their friends aren't supportive anymore?
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    #2
    I take it he is responsible for small children? If your friends have less experience with children they might not see why he is reluctant to uproot them.
    I made love to him only twice, she thought and looked at the man laying asleep beside her. And yet still it is as if we have been together forever, as if he has always known my life, my soul, my body, my light, my pain
    - Paulo Coelho, "Eleven minutes"



    "Bız yüzyılın aşkı vardır" - We have dated since Sept. 2013. To see our full story, click here https://members.lovingfromadistance....and-our-visits

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      #3
      I feel like your friends act more like family in this case. Have they ever met your SO? Maybe them saying he should be coming her once is to finally meet him.

      Relationship began: 05/22/2012
      First Met: 03/21/2013 - 03/30/2013
      Second Visit: 06/06/2013 - 08/21/2013 ~ Proposal: 07/06/2013 ♥
      Third Visit: 10/09/2013 - 01/08/2013
      Closed the distance: 11/20/2014 ♥
      Married: 1/24/2015
      Became Resident: 9/14/2015

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        #4
        I understand completely. I get no support from any friends. for a long time, most of my friends refused to acknowledge his existence even. If i ever spoke about him they would ignore it and change the subject, i even had one friend back me into a corner(metaphorically speaking) and ask me all these questions about meeting someone else and wasting time on someone so far away. That's actually why i became a member here. I needed support, and someone i could talk to about things.

        Just ignore them, and eventually they'll see this is what it is and they can't change it. it doesn't matter if they don't understand. I ignored everyone, and they're slowly getting over themselves.

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          #5
          I'm sorry your friends are putting you through this. Sometimes people are very judgmental of things that they do not know or understand and offer their opinions even though no one asked for it! I don't have any close friends but one of my former close friends has strong opinions on me being with my SO. I understand that we haven't been close for over a year and she is just going off of what she had been told in the past and witnessed though. You just have to keep things like that in mind and try to see things from your friend's perspective. I know it is difficult to have someone you are close to, not support your relationship but you know what you're doing and that this is the right man for you. In time I believe that she will either see that or you will have decided to not worry about what she thinks. It is your life and happiness after all
          Our love story:
          Attended the same high school 2004-2007
          Dated CD: June 2009-July 2010
          Reconnected: August 2012
          Began dating LD: November 2012
          Engaged! March 2014
          Closing the distance: December 2015

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            #6
            You know what? My friends don't understand many aspects of my life. What I do is I try to tell them my point of view. If they continue to nag I'll politely (or impolitely depending on how much I value their friendship) tell them that I've heard their concerns/ideas but I know what I'm doing is best for me.

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              #7
              I have only a couple of close friends that I share my business with, and they are completely supportive. They don't really understand how the LDR is done, but they can see how happy I am now. My problem has been my mother. She is as supportive as she can be and wants me to be happy, but she is old-fashioned and has problems with it. She's constantly saying how that's not the way "she did it." She expects the LDR to be like a CDR. She asks lots of questions, and it gets old. My daughter is very supportive and talks with my SO on the phone and Skype, too.

              But, I have some friends, those that I'm not as close with, that wouldn't understand. I simply don't tell them. Most people can't understand what we do and why. They think we don't know our SO's because we don't live in the same town. I think we know our SO's better than some people know their spouses. The nature of the LD makes us share more of ourselves with our SO's.

              Don't let your friends push you into losing love. They might be jealous, who knows?

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                #8
                As I wrote in different thread, during those 2 years I´m with my SO people said tons of horrible things about us. I used to be sad about it, but I have learned not to care any more. My close friends are supportive. My family is bigger problem with my mum trying to find me a boyfriend in our town, so I would not leave her ... but she made huge progress since I started to date my SO, so I am actually being positive about her attitude . If I get to talk about being in LDR, people usually have lots of questions and don´t consider it real relationship; to me it sometimes seems like if you can´t have sex every night, you are not in proper relationship . As lilcupcake said, just ignore the stupid stuff people say and be happy for what you have

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                  #9
                  My friends don't understand. When we get together over wine, they love to discuss my relationship ad nauseum. Gives them something more exciting than the mundane humdrum of their own lives, I suppose. I shrug and laugh.


                  When we love, it isn't because the person's perfect, it's because we learn to see an imperfect person perfectly.

                  True love does not worry about the distance between, for the heart and soul travels through one's words

                  When two people are meant for each other, no time is too long, no distance is too far, and no one can ever tear them apart.

                  1 universe, 9 planets, 7 continents, 194 countries, 50 states and 10 provinces...and I had the privilege to meet you.

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                    #10
                    Most my friends have not been supportive at all. And my family pretty much acts like my SO doesn't exist. It is really upsetting. It seems his friends and family are WAY different. They always ask how I am and support him completely. I don't get why some people just want to judge the relationship and say it isn't worth it. They just need to learn to trust that you know what you're doing =] and I hope they do soon.

                    And I think it's hard to keep costs completely fair in any relationship. As some people have more bills, make less, ect. IN my relationship my So will be paying for most the trips for a few years until I graduate Uni. After that, I will be making most the income.

                    Comment

                      #11
                      Originally posted by Kitten_mittens View Post
                      Most my friends have not been supportive at all. And my family pretty much acts like my SO doesn't exist. It is really upsetting. It seems his friends and family are WAY different. They always ask how I am and support him completely. I don't get why some people just want to judge the relationship and say it isn't worth it. They just need to learn to trust that you know what you're doing =] and I hope they do soon.

                      And I think it's hard to keep costs completely fair in any relationship. As some people have more bills, make less, ect. IN my relationship my So will be paying for most the trips for a few years until I graduate Uni. After that, I will be making most the income.
                      Friends that judge and criticize aren't really friends at all.

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                        #12
                        It's really not about uprooting the kids...he doesn't have people he knows or can trust to watch his kids if he comes here to visit as we can't afford 3 tickets. He does want to move here. He just has safety concerns regarding his ex wife who lives near me. They haven't met him, but I do think it's more they are tired of hearing me complain about him not being here, lol. My family is super supportive even though they have never met him. We have been together long enough for them to see how good he is to me and how happy he makes me. Even his ex MIL and I are friends. I made a decision to stop being sad about him being here and to just appreciate having him in my life. Things will work out on their own and it's usually when you give up trying to control it, right?? I met him and wasn't even looking and either was he.
                        Thank you everyone...finding this forum has already helped me immensely!!!!!
                        Last edited by JannaRN99; January 2, 2014, 05:23 PM.

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