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    #1

    Separation? for real?

    Hello everybody! I hope you can give some advice..
    The story goes like this, we´ve been together for 2 years..
    we´ve never met, but we truly love each other. After lots of good and bad times, we had a silly fight and he stopped talking to me
    then yesterday he emailed me saying he was tired of my insecurity and my paranoia and being in a long distance relationship..
    I know im insecure, this is my first relationship, but i was trying to improve my confidence; he said he still loves me and that maybe we can try again
    when i become more mature and we can actually be in the same place..
    i was totally heartbroken..
    Now i dont know what to do..
    i tried talking to him, but he wont answer me..
    we had planned meet in july, and my mother even let him stay at our house..
    I really feel we can work this out, i have thought about trying to visit him and see if we could work it out, but idk..
    Help please! :/
    Tags: None
    #2
    If he asked for a break I would give it to him. I know it's really hard but sometimes it actually helps. A LDR is a lot of work and I honestly feel I need a break now and then but I don't think it means I love my SO less.

    And as far as insecurities go, you can't be loved by someone else till you love yourself. True saying. Maybe just take some time and try to build your self esteem and better yourself in areas you think you need to improve and if it's meant to be I'm sure you guys can try it again. If you keep messaging him you'll probably just come off as too needy, and that's the last thing you want to do. I hope you can figure it out. We're here for ya.

    Comment

      #3
      First of all, the distance is not your foult. Not his, either. But distance is something to deal with together.
      Second, of course you are immature, you are young. I was a mess at 16.
      Maybe you are not suited for each other, maybe he can't handle long distance, maybe you could benifit from something that would Improve your self confidence, I dont know. But if you can fix whatever went wrong in that last fight you might be able to grow closer.
      Dont let this be a break. Either you are together or you are not. If you break up and he decides he wants you after all, you can think about it if he stops namecalling and start working together with you on your issues.
      Last edited by differentcountries; January 4, 2014, 02:06 PM.
      I made love to him only twice, she thought and looked at the man laying asleep beside her. And yet still it is as if we have been together forever, as if he has always known my life, my soul, my body, my light, my pain
      - Paulo Coelho, "Eleven minutes"



      "Bız yüzyılın aşkı vardır" - We have dated since Sept. 2013. To see our full story, click here https://members.lovingfromadistance....and-our-visits

      Comment

        #4
        Everything what Kitten_Mittens said. Great advice.

        Comment

          #5
          I can see where your SO is coming from if you are constantly paranoid and insecure about the relationship; two years is a long time to put up with that and can be emotionally draining, like everything he does is not good enough for you and you still doubt him and the relationship. I suggest you try to come up with steps - like a plan - to get better in terms of paranoia etc, and allow yourself to trust him and have a healthy relationship with no insecurities. It might also be a good idea, once you've thought this through, to let him know what steps you are taking so that he knows you are serious about making things better.

          Good luck!
          So, here you are
          too foreign for home
          too foreign for here.
          Never enough for both.
          Ijeoma Umebinyuo, Diaspora Blues

          Comment

            #6
            Originally posted by Ejoriah View Post
            I can see where your SO is coming from if you are constantly paranoid and insecure about the relationship; two years is a long time to put up with that and can be emotionally draining, like everything he does is not good enough for you and you still doubt him and the relationship. I suggest you try to come up with steps - like a plan - to get better in terms of paranoia etc, and allow yourself to trust him and have a healthy relationship with no insecurities. It might also be a good idea, once you've thought this through, to let him know what steps you are taking so that he knows you are serious about making things better.

            Good luck!
            This! Insecurities and paranoia are just too much to expect anyone to deal with, first relationship or not, and makes you get really tied of being in the relationship. If he constantly has to allay your fears, and attempt to comfort you, he's not getting much for himself in this relationship, so why stay in it? It causes a lot of resentment. Give him his space and take the time to deal with your issues, then maybe try again later.
            Our separation of each other is an optical illusion of consciousness. ~Albert Einstein

            Comment

              #7
              It sounds like a problem with communication to me. I'd try to talk with him, but calmly and rationally. Leave out the tears and emotions. Explain what you need and why you are insecure. Then, ask what he needs and listen. Hopefully, he'll give you the chance. Both of you need to know an LDR is hard and causes more doubts and fears by its very nature. Good luck.

              Comment

                #8
                Thanks for all the advices, and yes, i need to give it time; im gonna work on my self esteem and when i feel ready i´ll ask for a second chance..
                I feel we can still be together!

                Comment

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