Gentleman or Lady?

[noodle]

After just reading a few blogs about people trying to close their distance and previously reading threads of the first meeting etc I have noticed that mostly it's the girl/woman who basically does the first step and goes to see him.

Seeing my self in the situation that I want to go see my SO and that I basically don't care that I'd be the first one, but that my parents (especially dad) insist on him coming over first and mentionin reasons like: he'd proove he really loves you and we could then start to respect him since he's here and introduced himself.

So whats the deal?
Does he have to be a gentleman and come visit me first?
Or may I take the chance and be a lady and do the first step?

What's your opinion bout this? And if you have closed the distance/visited your SO etc how did you decide who will be the one movin or comin to visit the other one first?


I personally thing that nowadays, in the year 2010, it's normal to have a LDR (even if you've never met your SO) and that distance doesnt matter anymore, thanks to Skype and cheaper flights. And also I think its not a big deal anymore if the women do the big step. Our world has modernized hasnt it?

[MTK]

I dont see why gender should have an effect on who visits who first. If you are in the position where you can see your SO then take it, it doesn't matter if you are a woman or a man.
And me and my SO have had long talks about who moves where and the likes and it is just a matter of finding a compromise between the two people in the relationship and not going about it with an archaic view of the gender roles.
It's about who has the means to pay for a flight ticket. I would be pissed if my SO declined a visit from me because it wasn't gentleman-like.

I am not sure that it is normal to have an LDR in this current year but more people have been exposed to it and shows a better understanding of it.

[paulawriteslove]

My boyfriend is the one that visited me first. I was going to take my senior trip and do a road trip with my friends and stop by Texas to see him, but our plans changed. He decided to surprise me and drove up to see me. Looking back on it, I'm glad that he came here first because my parents got to meet him and trust him. So now whenever I want to go see my boyfriend, there isn't a problem with my parents. They absolutely adore him!
For the whole moving situation, it's unknown. He has a good paying full time job in Texas, but if an opportunity arises in California he says he'll take it in a heartbeat. But if that doesn't happen, we're waiting until I finish school and then I might be moving down there.

[nicole]

My SO insisted on coming over first, and for other reasons other then being the gentleman. I've already done the meet the parents thing a while back for him, so he wants to do the right thing and formally meet mine. He's old fashioned that way, and I do like that side of things, makes me feel special. =)

Also, he actually has a job whereas I will be looking once school starts, so for now he is the only one out of the 2 of us who can afford to buy a plain ticket. This gives me enough time to save up and buy a ticket for my visit in Easter. It worked out well for us in that respect, he bought his ticket the day I left, on the condition once I had the means I would pay for mine. For when it comes to moving, for now thats on me, all my plans are in america, we both want to end up in Chicago, so it makes sense that I'd be the one to move, however, we have discussed, if my plans fall through, he will start looking for jobs in England, even though I hate living here, I'm sure him living with me would solve that problem lol

[Caity]

I visited my SO first because I wanted to go away for a bit, cause we don't have the money to travel very much, and i didn't want our first meeting to be ruined by my 5 younger siblings annoying us all the time. Even though he has more money and could've visited me i chose to go to him cause i wanted to travel and see Holland. It shouldn't matter what gender goes to visit first, the circumstances in each relationship are different and it should be decided between the couple with who wants to visit or who has the money and time for it. =)

[Moon]

I went first because I'm the adventurous type, and he's not He's also very shy, and if it were up to him to take the first step, we'd still be waiting! I don't think it makes a difference who goes first, it just depends on your individual circumstance more than anything else.

[pytsip]

I find this kind of interesting that you came to this conclusion, basically because of the psychological differences between men and women. Most men are more on a physical basis, where as women are on a mental basis. If based on that, it would be the men who would make the first move to be closer just because of the physical aspect of being with their SO, where as women would be more content with having the mental, verbal and emotional connection that skype, facebook and other things offer.

However, my feelings on it go back to my post about me studying abroad and how I don't want to be the one to leave him, he was able to do it. He was able to leave, but I'm torn that if he comes back that I'll not be able to leave. I know that we'll still be able to have that connection when I do go abroad and that skype will make it easy to talk with him, but it's just the thought of how I'm going to wait 8 months until I see him and I don't know that once we're together again, if I can be the one to leave him this time.

At the same time, travel is cheaper, but it's still a $1600 plane ticket to Shanghai China, and that doesn't include the train ride from Shanghai to Hangzhou where he is. As a poor college student, I can't afford that. I can afford it for my study abroad because of student loans and grants, but I don't have the money to just up and pay for a $1600 plane ticket, a tourist visa, a train ride, etc, and I know that he definitely can't afford it considering that he just paid for it back in April to get there.

[LadyMarchHare]

I never noticed the pattern. To me it's just a matter of who has the money and the time, not who has what set of genitals. I'm the girl and I'm going to be the one doing the visits but I don't have a job, I saved up money for the trip since March, and even with college I'd have the time. He doesn't have that luxury and I'm OK with that though I kinda wish he'd move here since I love this state's culture so much and I'm not keen on living in Florida which is Mother Nature's call-boy during Hurricane season.

I know both my mom and best friend are adamant "the man come see his woman" but I think that's stupid. I want to get over my fear of planes and doing stuff on my own and know I did it for him.

[NaNi]

I'm in a same-sex relationship... am I still allowed to answer? Ha. I agree with LadyMarchHare on this. It's not about being a "gentleman", but more who has the time and the money. I visited my SO first because I had money saved up.

[Zephii]

I'm the chick, and I made the first meet-in-person flight. I took the risks. A lot of people thought he should come to me first. But, women are more motivated for relationships... it's how we're wired. And if you wants something, you dont sit around waiting, you go get it!

On the other hand, everyone seems to think that as the woman, it's proper for me to be the one to move to close the distance. The woman goes and joins the man and his family. And that's ways outdated too. But, for the time being at least, that's exactly what I'm doing

[Tanja]

What's your opinion bout this? And if you have closed the distance/visited your SO etc how did you decide who will be the one movin or comin to visit the other one first?

With us it was easy, Andy came to see me first because:

1) I couldn't afford to fly there
2) I'd never flown before and was/am terrified of it
3) No-one knew about him at that point so I couldn't just hop on a plane and leave my daughter and animals with someone, my parents would've probably sent Interpol after me

He's been the one visiting me because of circumstances and he will be the one moving too for the same reason.

[noodle]

I'm in a same-sex relationship... am I still allowed to answer? Ha. I agree with LadyMarchHare on this. It's not about being a "gentleman", but more who has the time and the money. I visited my SO first because I had money saved up.

of course you can answer x) I honestly was thinkin of you guys while I wrote the thread and wasnt sure how to ask it since I really noticed that like from the not-same-sex relationships on here most of the females did the "first step". sowwy
@Zephii: I agree with you on the "go get it" aspect haha
And I also agree on the "who has the money goes first" that's why I dont mind goin to see my SO first etc
But then I get to hear "if he really loves you he'd do EVERYTHING to come see you". Yes swimming over the ocean is very helpfull >_>
Im glad to see people agree with me on this one.

[Zephii]

LOL @ swimming over the ocean

[threecheers9980]

I think whoever has the means should go visit the other person. With Joe and I, he visits me since I don't have my driver's license and can't drive up north to see him.

As far as moving together...I don't really have an opinion on that. I just know that rather than me moving there or him moving here, we're planning to move to a city in between where we live.

[noodle]

LOL @ swimming over the ocean

haha
but its true... I mean my SO does have a job but he doesnt make enough money to come see me and I do since I dont have any expenses that I have to work for... and since I dont go to univeristy yet I dont have any fees for school to pay etc, so it'd basically be perfect that I go see him but yea... duh