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    #1

    Help!

    We has been dating together for 8 months now. We live 5 hours apart because I am in school and also in the military. So far we only see each 4 times throughout the 8 months. My problems are :
    1) she got mad at me for telling her things that she shouldn't be doing like drinking and driving etc...she even got mad at me for doing things that she is doing.
    2) she told me that she would rather losing me than losing her friends. (On Thanksgiving Day, I was in the barrack alone so I asked her to see if we can skype but she said that we can't because she is now going out to Black Friday Sale with her friends. I begged but to no avail. On that very day, the thought of breaking up pop in my mind for the first time.)

    To me, these 2 reasons justified an end of the relationship is needed but seeing her a couple days ago caused me to rethink the breakup. She showed that she loves me, she cooks for me, we eat, we sleep and have sex together. That made my heart melted but now I am afraid that everything else will just going to be the way it has been before. What can I do?

    Thanks
    Tags: breakup, dating, mad, months, relationship
    #2
    1) no adults like to be told what to do, even if the advice is sound
    2) I really dont get reason number 2.
    I made love to him only twice, she thought and looked at the man laying asleep beside her. And yet still it is as if we have been together forever, as if he has always known my life, my soul, my body, my light, my pain
    - Paulo Coelho, "Eleven minutes"



    "Bız yüzyılın aşkı vardır" - We have dated since Sept. 2013. To see our full story, click here https://members.lovingfromadistance....and-our-visits

    Comment

      #3
      I can see why she would get mad at you telling her not to drink and drive.. But I would do the same. Also I would not date anyone who does that as it's a sign of carelessness, immaturity, and just plain stupid.

      And I completely understand reason two. That is really sad I find that on holidays I want to spend more time with the one I love. Specially thanksgiving, Christmas, and birthdays. But maybe she does not hold those same values. Which would mean she didn't see it as being as unloving as you did.

      If you want to stay in the relationship you should try and tell her how you feel. See if you share the same values. And if you don't (which is what I'm guessing) you need to ask yourself whether you'll Be okay with that. If not, you need to move on. As you can't change her. You either accept someone for who they are or find someone else.

      My mom married an alcoholic and has spent a good part of 20 years trying to get him to quit drinking. He still drinks and drives.. But it's ultimately his choice. So she just deals with it and she's damn miserable. Not saying that's how your relationship will be. But being with someone isn't only about love.

      Oh, and I'm probably biased. So sorry if my advice isn't great. Something about having grandparents who were killed by a drunk driver and being a mom makes you really hate drunk drivers.

      Comment

        #4
        setting up your friends against your lover is not very nice (even though she started it). It was not like you had an arrangement and then she ditched you. That being said, she sounds like she could be a bit more flexible and try to fit in something with you, too. Even for 5 minutes it is nice to see your loved one. But don't you talk about these things forehand? Because it kind of sounds like you expect her to drop all plans if you feel lonely.
        I made love to him only twice, she thought and looked at the man laying asleep beside her. And yet still it is as if we have been together forever, as if he has always known my life, my soul, my body, my light, my pain
        - Paulo Coelho, "Eleven minutes"



        "Bız yüzyılın aşkı vardır" - We have dated since Sept. 2013. To see our full story, click here https://members.lovingfromadistance....and-our-visits

        Comment

          #5
          Originally posted by Kitten_mittens View Post
          I can see why she would get mad at you telling her not to drink and drive.. But I would do the same. Also I would not date anyone who does that as it's a sign of carelessness, immaturity, and just plain stupid.

          And I completely understand reason two. That is really sad I find that on holidays I want to spend more time with the one I love. Specially thanksgiving, Christmas, and birthdays. But maybe she does not hold those same values. Which would mean she didn't see it as being as unloving as you did.

          If you want to stay in the relationship you should try and tell her how you feel. See if you share the same values. And if you don't (which is what I'm guessing) you need to ask yourself whether you'll Be okay with that. If not, you need to move on. As you can't change her. You either accept someone for who they are or find someone else.

          My mom married an alcoholic and has spent a good part of 20 years trying to get him to quit drinking. He still drinks and drives.. But it's ultimately his choice. So she just deals with it and she's damn miserable. Not saying that's how your relationship will be. But being with someone isn't only about love.

          Oh, and I'm probably biased. So sorry if my advice isn't great. Something about having grandparents who were killed by a drunk driver and being a mom makes you really hate drunk drivers.
          it really get my nerve that she also hangout with people who drink and drive

          Originally posted by differentcountries View Post
          setting up your friends against your lover is not very nice (even though she started it). It was not like you had an arrangement and then she ditched you. That being said, she sounds like she could be a bit more flexible and try to fit in something with you, too. Even for 5 minutes it is nice to see your loved one. But don't you talk about these things forehand? Because it kind of sounds like you expect her to drop all plans if you feel lonely.
          You are right. My emotion really got the best of me at that moment but the main problem is that I still can shake the fact that she told me I am not important as her friends.
          Last edited by hellfire1234; January 7, 2014, 07:29 PM.

          Comment

            #6
            If she said that that is not very comforting, no. Do you think she meant it? I mean, do you generelly feel less prioritized?
            I made love to him only twice, she thought and looked at the man laying asleep beside her. And yet still it is as if we have been together forever, as if he has always known my life, my soul, my body, my light, my pain
            - Paulo Coelho, "Eleven minutes"



            "Bız yüzyılın aşkı vardır" - We have dated since Sept. 2013. To see our full story, click here https://members.lovingfromadistance....and-our-visits

            Comment

              #7
              I asked her again couple days ago and she said that she mean it. Yes. I do feel less prioritized. Not to say that I am in relationship just for the presents but so far she bought all her friends presents while telling me that she didn't like the present she bought for me so she return it right on the day we are about to meet. After that, she said she will have it send to me in 2 weeks then the next day she said it will be Valentine's gift. At that moment I just lost it and told her not to buy me anything.

              Comment

                #8
                Well I wouldn't like it if my SO was hanging out with people who drink and drive too but now that you've told her that, there's nothing you can do to physically stop her. I understand where you're coming from with the holiday stuff though. I'm in the Air Force and for Thanksgiving we had a dinner at my work center (pretty much just the single airmen and those who were on shift came). For Christmas, I baked food and brought it for those who were on shift and hung out with them but that was it. I didn't get to skype my parents because they were out of town and my SO was spending time with his extended family. Yes, it gets lonely but you have to try and not let it get to you. She chose to not skype you and that's what you have to live with.

                Putting your friends over a relationship is odd but how long have you two been dating? If it's new, I can see how she would feel like that but if you have been dating awhile, then there could be some issues there. Friends are important and generally friendships don't end on bad terms like relationships can. If it really bothers you then you should tell her how you feel. She can't read your mind and if you want a gift, tell her you want a gift! It sounds like you two aren't communicating well and that's leading to a lot of these issues.
                Our love story:
                Attended the same high school 2004-2007
                Dated CD: June 2009-July 2010
                Reconnected: August 2012
                Began dating LD: November 2012
                Engaged! March 2014
                Closing the distance: December 2015

                Comment

                  #9
                  Originally posted by hellfire1234 View Post
                  At that moment I just lost it and told her not to buy me anything.
                  Now that is a melodramatic thing to say. What you mean is perhaps that you prefer your gift to arrive on time. And perhaps that you could get you something seperately for Valentine?
                  I made love to him only twice, she thought and looked at the man laying asleep beside her. And yet still it is as if we have been together forever, as if he has always known my life, my soul, my body, my light, my pain
                  - Paulo Coelho, "Eleven minutes"



                  "Bız yüzyılın aşkı vardır" - We have dated since Sept. 2013. To see our full story, click here https://members.lovingfromadistance....and-our-visits

                  Comment

                    #10
                    Originally posted by differentcountries View Post
                    Now that is a melodramatic thing to say. What you mean is perhaps that you prefer your gift to arrive on time. And perhaps that you could get you something seperately for Valentine?
                    it is not the gift I care about, it is her lack of care and reason why I am the bottom of the list when she keeps on yapping about love me and miss me.

                    Comment

                      #11
                      Originally posted by hellfire1234 View Post
                      it is not the gift I care about, it is her lack of care and reason why I am the bottom of the list when she keeps on yapping about love me and miss me.
                      You need to talk with her on what you need to feel loved by her.
                      I made love to him only twice, she thought and looked at the man laying asleep beside her. And yet still it is as if we have been together forever, as if he has always known my life, my soul, my body, my light, my pain
                      - Paulo Coelho, "Eleven minutes"



                      "Bız yüzyılın aşkı vardır" - We have dated since Sept. 2013. To see our full story, click here https://members.lovingfromadistance....and-our-visits

                      Comment

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