Getting nervous...

[stormy]

So many people warned me (in a positive way) that 25 was going to be a game changer. Especially for someone who is already finished with the required amount of school needed for their career and already found a good job in their field.
In September, I moved out on my own, have my own apartment and the job I just mentioned. I'm doing pretty well for myself all things considered... so why now am I already thinking about moving to my SO?

He is in the military and may be moved around himself, I could go with him if I wanted to. I could leave everything I have worked for here and see more of the country I live in as well as others. There's no way I am leaving before next September (I'm a teacher, I would never leave my kids mid-school year) and I would also have to deal with the fact that I have a two year lease on my apartment (Ends Sept 1. 2015), but I am so tempted to go. Terrified, but highly tempted. Having met my SO seven years ago and now having fallen in love with him as an adult... A huge part of me wants to take this leap of faith (many people know me for mostly playing it safe in a good way, I had my masters degree by 24 and neither of my parents have their bachelors) as I am freezing in NYC (the only place I've ever really lived in besides going away for school 1 year), feeling kind of locked down by the destiny I have created for myself with such damn hard work... I think of sunny California and other adventures that I could find in going to my SO.

Also aside from this, the word marriage has come up in conversation. I have pushed it away because well, we have only been back together for about 5 months and I want to make sure the financial opportunity is not at the forefront of either of our mind's (in terms of his salary increasing because of being married). I also come from a long line of divorce (I like to tell people that's actually the one thing my family practices as a unit) so I take the word SUPER seriously as I have grown to want to be the exception in my family.

So I guess this is what I am asking of those nice enough to read all of this...

What is your view point on what I have shared?
Should a 25 year old career driven woman leave all that she has worked for to possibly travel, maybe even get married sooner than she planned?
Is it even OK that I am having these thoughts?

Thank you so much for reading,
Stormy

[lyonsgirl]

Some things to consider:
You signed a lease on an apt. Often times you are required to give them 60 days notice, even if it's the end of your lease. Lease breaking fees vary, but in my experience, they tend to be 2 month's rent, plus the last 2 months for the remainder of your lease. 4 months rent all at once can be kind of a pain, and financially draining.
Moving expenses are $$$$. As you've just moved out on your own, I imagine the amount of stuff you have is small. But renting a uHaul is not cheap - especially for cross-country moves.

As for the career... You love him, yes. But, is giving up your entire career worth it? I mean, that's what it sounds like you'd have to do for him at this point.

If I were you, I'd stay where you are for now.

[lucybelle]

I love lyons, but I disagree. Start saving up the money and if you have enough to break the lease and move, go for it. The awesome thing about teaching (besides the vacation time!) is it is highly mobile. You can go just about anywhere and find a job. Well, maybe not find a job, but there will be schools that need teachers. In fact, I did almost exactly what you are planning on doing, when I was younger.

At 23 I quit my job after just one year of teaching. I had a scholarship/loan which required me to either teach in my home state for 3 years, or pay back the loan. Because I left after one year, I had to pay back two years of the loan. It was expensive, but I'm so glad I left. I moved to Costa Rica, not to be with my SO, but for the experience. I now have 2 years of abroad experience, and that's gonna look hella good on a resume when I move back to the USA!

We also got married sooner than expected, for visa purposes. But after having lived together for 2 years first.

Again, if the finances are there- go for it. But do the move for YOURSELF. If you do it only because of your SO and something doesn't work out, you will feel resentment towards him. When I moved to CR I figured if everything went to hell, at least it would be a good story later. You're young enough to make big decisions that could potentially be mistakes, and still recover. Do it.

[hellfire1234]

I would give it a year or so that both of you can adjust to the feeling of loving one another yet so far apart. It is the military thing, it's either you are lucky or not so lucky at all. Surely the pay will increase but it won't be that much and it is no where close to your own salary as a teacher. Sound pretty cruel but if I am continue the relationship with my current SO, I will make her wait another 4 years before putting on that ring. I want to see if she can cope with the fact that I won't be around all the time. It's better that she "break" now than bringing home another dude while I am getting shot at.

[Kitten_mittens]

Seems everyone else gave you good advice. I just want to add: I would totally go for it. You have plenty of time to be settled down with a career and whatnot. That's what you get to do when you have kids.. You're young. Go be adventurous. As long as it won't put you in debt or financial trouble. =] Worst case, if it doesn't work, you can move back. =]

[Heavenly_Love12]

First, I think it is totally normal for you to be having these thoughts. Everyone in an LDR has them from time to time and you're going to try to close the distance at some point, right? I think that you will need to decide what you really want to do and then talk to your SO and get his opinion. All of us on here think differently (as noted from the different responses) but it is your life and choice. Like lyonsgirl said, it could cost a good amount to move prior to your lease being up. I would ask your landlord the fees and find out if that would be something you can afford. Being able to afford moving is another thing you need to consider. Teaching is a very versatile job but would you need to get certification in every state that you move to? If you and your SO do marry, you could be moving during the school year and would have to leave students. Don't forget that dreams can change and who says you can't be career driven and married or living near your SO? Personally, I would do research and then go from there. Change is scary but if it's something you feel is right for you, then don't let fear stop you.

[folclor]

Hey, this is your life so do what you like. It's not too early to be talking about marriage and it's not crazy to want to move across country. If I were you I'd do it. But then I'd be me...being you o.O

Either way, it's occasionally better to follow your emotions than your logic. This might be one of those times.

[I&A]

You can practise your career everywher. Money is just money, it comes and goes, if you can afford to give up your apartment I'd totally say go for it! I think you regret more the things that you don't do that the ones that you do.
P.S. I am in New York right now, and it's freezing!

[piratemama]

Wanting to be with the man you love is perfectly normal. In fact, it would be weird if you didn't. Sometimes you go with your heart, not your head. Life is short, and we have no certain number of days promised to be on this planet. If you can find a way out of the lease and want to go, I'd go. Go with your gut, because our heads always fight that. Your reasons will never match your heart's desire. I have so many regrets in this life, and I don't want to add another one. If I had the chance to move to my SO, I would.

Some folks meet and marry after only a few months, because they know. They know they are right for each other. You are old enough to know what you want in life.

That's just my opinion, but I'd listen to your heart.

[differentcountries]

What are your work uppertunities if you move around with him? Can you save up some money before you go? If you wait until sept, there will be only one year left of your lease. Would that make it easier ti get out of the contact, or possability Subletting to someone the last year? I you want to marry him, and know him, why not?

[stormy]

Firstly, thank you so much for all your responses! I am about to go back and respond to each!

[stormy]

Some things to consider:
You signed a lease on an apt. Often times you are required to give them 60 days notice, even if it's the end of your lease. Lease breaking fees vary, but in my experience, they tend to be 2 month's rent, plus the last 2 months for the remainder of your lease. 4 months rent all at once can be kind of a pain, and financially draining.
Moving expenses are $$$$. As you've just moved out on your own, I imagine the amount of stuff you have is small. But renting a uHaul is not cheap - especially for cross-country moves.

As for the career... You love him, yes. But, is giving up your entire career worth it? I mean, that's what it sounds like you'd have to do for him at this point.

If I were you, I'd stay where you are for now.

I think you are right in many ways Lyons. I would definitely have to find out how I would handle the lease situation before anything and see if I have enough money for the entire moving process including that.
In terms of my career, I may have to start working towards tenure or retirement again in a place, maybe even become certified in that particular place. But I could continue teaching wherever I am see as I have both degrees in education for my subject areas. So sorry that I made it sound as if I would have to completely give up doing what I love, I would just have to readjust some of the surrounding issues/plans. I am definitely here for awhile still so I am staying put for right now.

Thanks again!

[stormy]

I love lyons, but I disagree. Start saving up the money and if you have enough to break the lease and move, go for it. The awesome thing about teaching (besides the vacation time!) is it is highly mobile. You can go just about anywhere and find a job. Well, maybe not find a job, but there will be schools that need teachers. In fact, I did almost exactly what you are planning on doing, when I was younger.

At 23 I quit my job after just one year of teaching. I had a scholarship/loan which required me to either teach in my home state for 3 years, or pay back the loan. Because I left after one year, I had to pay back two years of the loan. It was expensive, but I'm so glad I left. I moved to Costa Rica, not to be with my SO, but for the experience. I now have 2 years of abroad experience, and that's gonna look hella good on a resume when I move back to the USA!

We also got married sooner than expected, for visa purposes. But after having lived together for 2 years first.

Again, if the finances are there- go for it. But do the move for YOURSELF. If you do it only because of your SO and something doesn't work out, you will feel resentment towards him. When I moved to CR I figured if everything went to hell, at least it would be a good story later. You're young enough to make big decisions that could potentially be mistakes, and still recover. Do it.

Thank you so much for your story Lucybelle, whether or not I make the move it is really nice to hear that it will not be the end of the world if I do make such a big decision. The move would definitely not only be for him. Like I said I have only ever really lived in this city, I kind of feel like I need to live somewhere else at least once! Also, before him and I reconnected I was having a hard time finding work here and was actually researching the city he is in! Very odd, but possibly very telling a well!

[stormy]

I would give it a year or so that both of you can adjust to the feeling of loving one another yet so far apart. It is the military thing, it's either you are lucky or not so lucky at all. Surely the pay will increase but it won't be that much and it is no where close to your own salary as a teacher. Sound pretty cruel but if I am continue the relationship with my current SO, I will make her wait another 4 years before putting on that ring. I want to see if she can cope with the fact that I won't be around all the time. It's better that she "break" now than bringing home another dude while I am getting shot at.

Good idea Hellfire, either way... we have to do this. Like I said I'm not going anywhere this school, there's no chance of that.
His salary is currently close to mine as a teacher :-) but as I said, that is something I want to avoid, will it make a difference in our life together sure but I personally no not want to marry someone as a financial investment. I have definitely heard many stories like what you are concerned about happening, I have a friend who is my age and in the Marines he just got engaged... he gave me some good advice on matters like these... if you want it to work you've got to get over the fear of being hurt. Not that I think you should go and marry you lady or anything haha, just something that stuck with me. Try not to get too bitter with all the ugliness out there, but for damn sure take your time. That's one of the main "pros" to us being in a LDR in my opinion, we have no choice but to let it all just take its time.

[stormy]

Seems everyone else gave you good advice. I just want to add: I would totally go for it. You have plenty of time to be settled down with a career and whatnot. That's what you get to do when you have kids.. You're young. Go be adventurous. As long as it won't put you in debt or financial trouble. =] Worst case, if it doesn't work, you can move back. =]

These are the kinds of thoughts I have been having lately and they are completely new to me. I had no choice other than to be an extremely responsible kid, which carried over to adulthood. It actually surprises so many people I know because I am this odd mix of a free spirit (my personality/views) and an over planning control freak (education/money/career)... hence me feeling conflicted!

Thanks again!