He's home, but all is not good

[butlerfly]

3 weeks ago my Boyfriend finally returned home from his (long) 10 month adventure working on a cruise ship.

I want to tell you that everything is fantastic, but sadly it is not. I had the feeling that something wasn't right as he seemed a bit distant.... On Sunday morning we were lying in bed, in silence. I finally asked him if we were ok. He couldn't answer and just nodded his head when I asked him again he told me he did not know

We tried to talk about it but none of us are very good at talking to each other about how we feel. We just ended up staring at each other saying I don't know what to do.

He told me loves me, he told me that he didn't want to lose me, and he told me he couldn't bare the thought of not having me. He also told me that since he has been home all he has wanted to do is leave again. I know he hates living here. but I do too.
I have made my mind up, that if he decided to leave me again I would have to end it. It was too hard being without him, seeing him have this great adventure without me.

He said that he was thinking more long term.. and not sure we wanted the same things... He said he looked at other people. Like his friends Ian and Lauren they have a year old and expecting a second - He said he doesn't want that, He said he see's his sister getting engaged - and doesn't want that. and another friend talking about moving away and getting a house together - and he said he doesn't want that. He then said after that ' he doesn't want that unless he changes'.

He asked me what do I want from us. I couldn't answer.
I don't know what I want. I love him and I don't want to lose him, I know that.
I'm only 24 years old and have not decided if I want children, they aren't something I have desired. When it comes to marriage again I'm not too sure. and could probably go without it. As long as I knew they loved me I think that would be enough. But I know that someday I would want to share a home.
I haven't told him that and I know that I need to.

I think if we broke up, It would be too hard to even have in my life as a friend for a while. He has been in my life for just over 5 years. and it's devastating to think of him not in my life.

I'm meant to be leaving in 10 mins to meet to talk.. strangely we (he) have chosen a film to watch. but I have suggested we go to the bar next door to the cinema 1st. I just don't know what to say to him to save us.

If we both love each other and can't stand the thought of not having each other. Then why should it end?

[differentcountries]

There are lots of things you dont have to decife if you want. But being together or not you have to know. Is there a possability for the two of you to move somewhere else and do something different? It seems maybe you are both a bit bored with life. Then life together can seem bleek, too.

[Ahava]

I'm so sorry to hear that what was supposed to be the happiest days after all that waiting turned out like this.
Hugs! I hope you have a good talk.

[piratemama]

I'm so sorry for the way this time is turning out for you. I wish I could help in some way. I truly hope this works out for you. ((((hugs to you))))

[Dezface]

I'm sorry. That's gotta be rough to hear. Hope your talk can bring a resolution.

[butlerfly]

Thank you for you replies.

We broke up... I know he loves.. he said there are so many things he wants to do and for he doesn't want to stay in one place and can't see a way he could take me with me.

We were in my car for what felt like ages hugging and crying on each other. but now it's over..

And I don't know who to be.

I still feel I have a lot of things I want to say and maybe in a day or 2 I'll write him a letter.

I know that he is going to move on easier than I will. and I think it won't be long untill he leaves again.
I just wish I could find something too.

[Heavenly_Love12]

I'm sorry to hear this! Sometimes people just are not in the right position to know what they truly want out of life at the time. Please take some time for yourself to heal and do what will make you happy. I hope you will feel better.

[Ejoriah]

I'm so sorry this happened after the end of such a long wait! Hugs to you and be kind to yourself.

[Ahava]

I'm so sorry. Hugs. I hope you can start healing and taking care of yourself.
Take it day by day. After a while it will hurt less. Hugs!

[JoeyBug]

I'm so sorry to hear this, take some time for yourself and try to start to heal

[butlerfly]

I'm really struggling to accept that it is over..

It was last Thursday when we split up, and on Monday I decided to sent him an email trying to explain how much he means to me. He sent me text after he had read it with a smiley face and asked why I can never say these things to him. He said it made him smile but still doesn't know what to say.

We have been texting each other a little bit ( me mainly being the 1st to text). He still hasn't replies to my email and yesterday I kind of sent him a pissy text that he hasn't replied. He said that he did try to talk to me the other when we broke up and I couldn't say anything to him then because I needed time. and to stop pushing him.

I realise I was pushing him a bit too much to reply rather than giving him time like I needed. But he didn't text back and I still haven't heard from him.

I'm just finding it so hard. I feel we have unresolved issues. If he is saying he loves and I'm saying I love him. and we don't want to lose each other. I keep feeling hopeful that this is just one of those things people go through and maybe we will find a way to work it out. but then soon after feel devastated that, that is unlikely to happen.

[differentcountries]

I am sorry, but if he broke up with you it actually means he does not want to be with you. But you are acting like there is just a little down period. If the two of you want different things, or worse yet does not really know what you want, it will take a lot of good communication to bring you close. I realize that you are probably a little pissed with him for breaking up. But it is his decision. If he later decided to get back with you and try to resolve your unresolved that would be his call too. He wants freedom, you want togetherness. Regardless of feelings of love that is not compatable.

[butlerfly]

I know what you are saying and I probably just clinging on to the tiniest hope.

He says that he loves me, that he doesn't want to lose me and can't bare the thought of not having me. Since we broke up he has said it is the hardest thing he has had to do and still doesn't know if it is right. After the email he also said he need to talk.

Moving on is hard!

[differentcountries]

It is very hard. I know it is easy to interpret his sweet feelings for you as a sign. But literarily he has told you you do not have a future with him. Him being unsure is a sign. For love to work you need to be sure. He may be smitten, but he is not commited. It is probably not easy for him to deal with all his longings for freedom. He needs to figure out where he will go. You need to figure out your way. Maybe next time you're more prepared and aware of what you want in life and look for that in the person you meet. Sometimes you see things clearer after a break up.

[piratemama]

Do you even want to text or talk to a guy that isn't sure if he wants you or not? a guy that broke up with you? You can do way better. Find someone that cherishes you, knows he loves you too death, and wouldn't dream of losing you. You can't do that until you do move on. Breaking up is hard. Don't think I don't know. I do. I settled for someone just like this guy that broke up with you and married him. We had problems after problems, and he hurt my heart too many times. We ended up divorced for complicated reasons, but the years before were not good. I was scared I wouldn't find anyone else, so I settled. Please don't do that. It's scary, and it hurts, I know, but you can't make someone love you and do right by you.