How do you feel about what this woman said?

[differentcountries]

Only thing that I truly agree with her is that I don't understand relationships that start online. Like for me it is truly important to see how I feel around that person. Are there some kind of aspects that bother me, do we have chemistry etc. Everything starts from the physical contact for me (since I have so many friends who i get along really well and they want to be more than friends but I just don't feel that comfortable around them). After that comes - do we get along well, does he make me laugh, does he understand me and I him? That's why i feel always very weird when someone babbles that "Oh my boyfriend is amazing! So romantic and caring and is a good listener and we have been dating for more than three months!" and then you find out that she hasn't actually seen him.

I see your point as I have never fallen in love Online. I can find friends online, but love is to me very physical in nature. However, one of my best friends fell in love Online and even got engaged some time before meeting in person. Turns out this was the sweetest person ever. They were able to close the distance temporarily and could have married had my friend wanted, as they were very well suited (to my eyes at least). I have seen upclose how love can start online and will not doubt again it can happen (even if not for me).

[Samantha94]

I see your point as I have never fallen in love Online. I can find friends online, but love is to me very physical in nature. However, one of my best friends fell in love Online and even got engaged some time before meeting in person. Turns out this was the sweetest person ever. They were able to close the distance temporarily and could have married had my friend wanted, as they were very well suited (to my eyes at least). I have seen upclose how love can start online and will not doubt again it can happen (even if not for me).

I didn't say that when you meet someone online, that relationship doesn't work. Yes, it does sometimes. But telling the whole world how wonderful he is and caring and sweet and the most wonderful person BEFORE meeting him in real life is pretty weird and naive. Because you don't actually know how he is in real life, how he acts and do you have chemistry with him. Meet him when you have a chance and then you will see if the relationship might work out.

[piratemama]

First, the lady that wrote the article the OP found needs to walk two moons in my moccasins before judging me and what I do.

Second, for those that wonder why we get worked up about her judgments - no one wants to be judged. Period. I'm tired of being judged. She has no right to be insulting without knowing us. Also, I'm sure most of us are trying to set the record straight, so people like that judgmental woman won't bother others in a LDR.

I know my SO better than I have ever known anyone else, even my ex-husband with whom I lived for years. My SO and I met online, developed a friendship, then started talking on the phone, then fell in love. It seems like we were meant to be. We did meet, and the chemistry was perfect. We've spent way more time talking and getting to know one another than we would have in a conventional dating relationship. It's pretty irksome to have someone call me naive because I'm in love with someone I met online. I'm 47 and experienced in life enough to know what I want.

By the way, there are many people that can put on a show and act way different in person than the real person they are. Ask any divorced person about that one.

[snow]

Everything the woman said, my parents did tell me when I told them about my fiancé (boyfriend at the time). So I understand where she is coming from: she has no point of reference other than close distance couples. LDRs are different and yes, many don't work out, but many relationships that started in person don't work out either. It's really perspective.
They didn't understand why I wouldn't stay with someone closer or find someone closer rather than go out onto another continent, but when it works, it works. Stephen and I clicked and fell in love quickly. I dated him for 10 months before I met him and if it wouldn't have clicked in person I wouldn't be with him. I spent 11 days, 75 days and another 92 days with him - I know him pretty well and he knows me.

I can understand that there is a lot of questions one might have about couples who met online, but really it isn't much different. If you're honest and responsible it is the same exact thing. Affection can build through conversation and seeing picture / seeing each other on video chat.

[differentcountries]

I didn't say that when you meet someone online, that relationship doesn't work. Yes, it does sometimes. But telling the whole world how wonderful he is and caring and sweet and the most wonderful person BEFORE meeting him in real life is pretty weird and naive. Because you don't actually know how he is in real life, how he acts and do you have chemistry with him. Meet him when you have a chance and then you will see if the relationship might work out.

Well I do think online relationships are real relationships, even before the first meeting. I do think anyone in the early stages of a relationship should be a little weary of telling everyone how wonderful it is. At the same time it is very understandable to want to share what is to oneself good news. Friends should try to be happy and supportive even if they don’t understand. And we fools in love should keep in mind that others are not in love with our so nor should they be expected to (and it would probably be a bit strange if they were! I have this one friend who's taste in women I don't share and she always go Oh she IS pretty isn't she? And I never know how to respond exept You seem so happy LOL)

[Dezface]

I just....I can't even....this lady isn't even worth my time. But the fact that there are people on THIS forum that are calling my relationship nonsense really fucking blows my mind. I have so many things to say to that but I don't want to write a wall of text like the quoted woman in the OP.

What I will say is that my LDR that started online is the most loving, stable relationship I've ever been in. I know this man inside and and out AND we talked for a year and a half before we met. I was in a closed distance marriage to someone that lasted for 8 years that I had known all my life and it turned into CRAP. How dare you call my healthy relationship with the best man I've ever known, nonsense. The audacity you have is just astounding.

[Samantha94]

Heh I didn't mean that your relationship is nonsense when it started from online. Of course not! I just mean, you can't really call it relationship, when you havent actually seen the guy. Of course you can tell your friends that oh I met this nice guy from the internet and we are talking all the time and he has a nice sense of humor but that means you are friends with the guy, not dating him. For me, 'real' relationship starts when you feel close to that person and you want to be around them and you cherish the times you are together.

So 'Dezface' (or whoever feelings I accidently hurt), im not calling your relationship nonsense, because you have actually seen the guy. That is real relationship for me.

[differentcountries]

I think it is futile to determine if the relationships of others are "real " or not.

[CutieTii]

I don't really have anything to say really, It's her opinion not ours. Not everything works out doesn't mean it's nonsense. I don't even want to waste energy on something so small. Sure it was negative and insulting but It doesn't make me angry or even emotional. Most people don't understand doesn't mean we should hate them, Just feel sorry for them really.

And I'm wondering why is Gnome is even on here.

When she/he wasn't even in a long distance in her/his eyes, So it kinda sounds like someone who is agreeing with what the woman is saying yet, The person is on here saying that LDR's are non-sense and is on a LDR forum. Fuck logic right? and also even if you did meet someone in real and then go long distance YOU still don't know who they really are. So good job.

I do agree with you all but please don't let some people get to you, We are here for each other and survive something so awkward or even hurtful relationship but it makes us stronger and more emotional attracted to one and other and to me that is pure magic of understand as well as emotions and love x-x express opinions but don't waste energy on people who hasn't experienced something personally.

Oh and another point Gnome even if it doesn't or didn't work for her doesn't mean she can say something insulting and negative.

[Dezface]

Heh I didn't mean that your relationship is nonsense when it started from online. Of course not! I just mean, you can't really call it relationship, when you havent actually seen the guy. Of course you can tell your friends that oh I met this nice guy from the internet and we are talking all the time and he has a nice sense of humor but that means you are friends with the guy, not dating him. For me, 'real' relationship starts when you feel close to that person and you want to be around them and you cherish the times you are together.

So 'Dezface' (or whoever feelings I accidently hurt), im not calling your relationship nonsense, because you have actually seen the guy. That is real relationship for me.

I understand your point. I guess I should have quoted the person that actually stated it was "nonsense," as that's what angered me.

[kittyo9]

Heh I didn't mean that your relationship is nonsense when it started from online. Of course not! I just mean, you can't really call it relationship, when you havent actually seen the guy. Of course you can tell your friends that oh I met this nice guy from the internet and we are talking all the time and he has a nice sense of humor but that means you are friends with the guy, not dating him. For me, 'real' relationship starts when you feel close to that person and you want to be around them and you cherish the times you are together.

Imagine I came along-- I don't know you, I don't know your SO, I have no idea what your relationship is like... but I just decided that your relationship doesn't count as a real relationship because I don't understand it.

I felt so close and wanted to be around my SO so badly that I flew to a foreign country all by myself to see him.

[Benni]

First, the lady that wrote the article the OP found needs to walk two moons in my moccasins before judging me and what I do.

I know my SO better than I have ever known anyone else, even my ex-husband with whom I lived for years. My SO and I met online, developed a friendship, then started talking on the phone, then fell in love. It seems like we were meant to be. We did meet, and the chemistry was perfect. We've spent way more time talking and getting to know one another than we would have in a conventional dating relationship. It's pretty irksome to have someone call me naive because I'm in love with someone I met online. I'm 47 and experienced in life enough to know what I want.

I could have written this, almost word for word, except for the fact that I'm 63.

I met B online, chatted for 6 months, he called regularly after that on the phone, then came skype for months. We met in person a little over a year after meeting online. We hit it off immediately since we knew each other so well from all of our various forms of contact. I've visited since then and will again, this April, when I go there to get married and stay for 3 months -- will stay longer when I come back in August. Then will live with him permanently when we my residency goes through.

So, yes LDR's that started online DO work out just fine if both parties have the maturity and determination to make it work -- not too mention an all-encompassing love for each other.

[Kristin91]

Her opinion is essentially what we've all heard from others for a while, none of it struck me as particularly new. She did make a few good points, but largely I felt like she is judging LDRs without understanding the fundamentals of how they work. I know for me, this part

why not find someone who lives close enough to you, so that you can have a better idea of who they really are on a day-to-day basis, and be better able to evaluate the *quality* of the relationship (see him/her, for instance) to know whether they are even *worth* it?

made me think "Ummm BECAUSE I DON'T WANT TO BE WITH ANYBODY ELSE!"

[snow]

Heh I didn't mean that your relationship is nonsense when it started from online. Of course not! I just mean, you can't really call it relationship, when you havent actually seen the guy. Of course you can tell your friends that oh I met this nice guy from the internet and we are talking all the time and he has a nice sense of humor but that means you are friends with the guy, not dating him. For me, 'real' relationship starts when you feel close to that person and you want to be around them and you cherish the times you are together.

Just going by your definition, even though our relationship started online, we have been dating: I felt close to that person, wanted to be around them (but couldn't due to many miles between us) and we cherrished the times we spent together - be it online plaiyng games, talking or chatting.

[TwoThree]

This is a funny thread

To the woman quoted in the OP, and to Gnome: if that's what it takes to make you feel superior and fill up your self-congratulatory quota, go ahead, judge away, you don't really bother me