How do you feel about what this woman said?

[ethelynn]

Heh I didn't mean that your relationship is nonsense when it started from online. Of course not! I just mean, you can't really call it relationship, when you havent actually seen the guy. Of course you can tell your friends that oh I met this nice guy from the internet and we are talking all the time and he has a nice sense of humor but that means you are friends with the guy, not dating him. For me, 'real' relationship starts when you feel close to that person and you want to be around them and you cherish the times you are together.

Just going by your definition, even though our relationship started online, we have been dating: I felt close to that person, wanted to be around them (but couldn't due to many miles between us) and we cherrished the times we spent together - be it online plaiyng games, talking or chatting.

^this. It was the same way for me. Even though I hadn't met him in person, all those things were still true.

[sarahjane1992]

I'm very much enjoying my nonsense unreal relationship that started online. (But we calculate the relationship/dating to have started when we first met, but I could easily count earlier on when we hadn't met as the feelings came into picture much earlier)

I would disagree with the woman that this thread is about, that in a LDR that has started online (excluding cat fishes etc) that you actually get to know the other person MUCH BETTER when all you have to go with is COMMUNICATION. Talking, writing, chatting. If you have been talking to some one everyday for a year you get to know them PRETTY DAMN WELL. I think it is actually much better that way than if you start of physical in CD. The feromones, touching etc all get your head mixed up so that you might find yourself dating someone you shouldn't be because you didn't really get to know them before you fell head over heals. The other person might be good looking, smell good, great kisser and good in bed, but you might not have a clue what they really are like.

Just my opinion.

I am also enjoying my nonsense unreal relationship. I totally agree with your post! Just because you're physically close to someone, doesn't mean you will know them any better than being at a distance. There are many couples that are physically close but are not working. LD relationships have problems just like CD relationships do. Actually being able to be apart and miss your SO lets you know that it's right. Whenever I see my SO and I miss him from the moment I walk away, I know we're doing something right.

All the talking and texting and facetime with my SO allowed us to get to know each other. When all you have is talking, you can really build a strong foundation for your relationship that will carry on throughout. I never thought I'd be that person, meeting someone online and falling in love. But it has worked out wonderfully for me and I can't wait to spend the rest of my life with my SO. <3

[jana89]

Just because you're physically close to someone, doesn't mean you will know them any better than being at a distance. There are many couples that are physically close but are not working.

Can´t but agree! I have met my SO in person for the first time, however, we have only had two days and then I had to leave for three months. Thanks to us chatting literary all the time during those three months, I got to know him better than I have known my ex-bf after a year together.

[Alle1770]

The only thing I got really annoyed at was the part where she suggests to "find someone closer to you". It's not that simple! Sometimes you happen to fall in love with someone who is in fact as freaking far away from you as geographically possible, and... I mean, it happens. I wasn't looking for someone to fall in love with, it just happened. Maybe we were meant to be, or something, if you believe in that sorta thing. But you can't tell someone to just "go find someone closer to you". That's not how it works.

As for the rest of it, some people are just ignorant and stupid, frankly. Can't bother to comment more on it :P

[folclor]

Honestly? This is the kind of judgement that a lot of us face. Until you "prove" to your friends and family that it's a real relationship they don't take you seriously. I met my boyfriend online, we've known each other for 6 years now, dated for just a squidge over 3.5, are planning to get married very soon and my aunts all told me this Thanksgiving that my relationship is a sham and I should find "a nice, church-going man that's local." I have a friend who claims that my boyfriend is probably not even real because I've never taken the time to introduce them when he's been down here.

I feel like it's just utter stupidity and a lack of common sense. I wish her no ill, but I'm sick of people talking like that.

[piratemama]

Honestly? This is the kind of judgement that a lot of us face. Until you "prove" to your friends and family that it's a real relationship they don't take you seriously. I met my boyfriend online, we've known each other for 6 years now, dated for just a squidge over 3.5, are planning to get married very soon and my aunts all told me this Thanksgiving that my relationship is a sham and I should find "a nice, church-going man that's local." I have a friend who claims that my boyfriend is probably not even real because I've never taken the time to introduce them when he's been down here.

I feel like it's just utter stupidity and a lack of common sense. I wish her no ill, but I'm sick of people talking like that.

I'm sorry you are going through that with your family. It takes away from the joy you are feeling. I'm with you on being sick of how people see long distance love.

[Alsfia]

The part that really struck me was the "go find someone local"-crap. It makes me wonder if the person who wrote it has ever been in a functioning, happy relationship at all.

[TwoThree]

^ I did wonder that. Relationships require work, we can all agree to that, but not so much works that it becomes the horrible burden that this person seems to think that it is. I don't think she's very happy in her relationship (s)

[Anonymous2]

Anyone who wants something/someone bad enough will find a way to make it happen. It will probably be about as far from a "fairy-tale" as it can get because it requires a large amount of WORK...and frustration, loneliness, misunderstanding, patience, trust etc. Does that change the worth of the person you're with or of the relationship itself? No. Unless all the claims made about LDR's (not really knowing someone, uncertain chemistry etc.) ONLY apply to LDR's, they shouldn't be used as facts against that type of relationship.

Personally, I don't think you can make a separation between LDR that started CD and those that started over the internet. A LDR is simply a relationship between 2 people that don't live close to each other. Any other specification you place on the definition of a LDR (i.e. met over the internet) is a form of judging people on what type of love/relationship works for them. It's no different than judging people who are polyamorous, LGBT, married, single, widowed in regards to what they consider a "real" relationship. Just because it doesn't work for you doesn't make it wrong. You can disagree, sure, but I'd be careful counseling others on their choices just because it's not what you would do.

As for the rest, she clearly has never been in a relationship that began online, and I'd venture to guess she's never been in a LDR either. So really, her opinions are exactly what I'd expect from someone with no experience and even less understanding. Everything she said is just her opinion. It's not even worth your time to take it personally.