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**Alsfia** · January 14, 2014, 03:19 AM

Have you tried being blunt and tell your mum and sister/friends that you need their support and not them telling you it won't work out?

After a visit it tends to be hard to go back to normal life and at least for me, the first after visit blues were the worst, since I had no idea what to expect. Everyone reacts differently though, but for me it really helped to be forced back into my old every day routine. Try not to worry and most important of all, express your feelings and fears to your SO.

**blueorchid1** · January 14, 2014, 03:35 AM

I appreciate you advice. And I think your right, I should probably tell my family that I need them and their support more than anything right now...

I do worry a lit and I before my trio I was so steadfast in my relationship. And even when I left. My SO and I are literally the female/male versions of eachother haha...but we both are very different too.

Maybe I'm just worried abut getting hurt and having a broken heart. I should let you know that I have not been the easiest person to form a connection with. I have had a lot of emotional damage in the past from the suicide of a parental figure and I believe that it is very possible that my insane emotions are my way of trying to build a wall to protect myself. Although I know that my SO would never do anything to hurt me.

I love him, I do. And I did call him this evening to talk about how I was feeling and he said that he was all but waiting for me to try to push him away because he knew I would get scared. Scared to lose him, scared that I really am in live with him, and scared of the possibility of a broken heart. he was really understanding and told me not to worry. He reminded me that we will be together again in a few months, and he told me a few comforting words to l try abd calm me down...
I need to stop worrying, that is a definite fact...but how?

**piratemama** · January 14, 2014, 10:04 AM

Your emotions are very normal after having to leave a visit with him. You are missing him terribly. Focus only on the good and positive. Stop dwelling on the past and other people's actions. You are different, and your relationship with your SO is different. Think of anything and everything good about your SO, your time together, the future you will have, and your love. Whenever a negative creeps into your mind, banish it. Talk to yourself a lot. Good luck.

**sarahjane1992** · January 14, 2014, 12:06 PM

The way you're feeling isn't crazy. Being with your SO then being apart is awful. The first visit we had we both cried at the airport when I left.
Walking away from my SO is the hardest thing I've had to do in my life. My heart just aches and I cry and cry. After a week or 2 I start to feel better. Keep busy. Talk with your SO. Mine always makes me feel better.
I'm sorry you don't have the support at home that you need. Having my family be supportive and understanding when I come back always helps.
I hope you get the support you need. Being LD is super hard but always worth it.
I'm seeing my SO in 5 days after being apart for 3 months.
That first kiss will make the time apart worth it. <3
Keep busy, stay strong and come here for support. This has helped me through some rough times. I know it will help you too!

**blueorchid1** · January 14, 2014, 09:24 PM

Thanks so much....my toughest challenge right now is my anxiety. And my inability to stop myself from overthinking a lot of things. When my so and I first decided to be endeavor with a long distance relationship ibfelt the exct same way as I do now. I'm tense, anxious, nervous, and I keep wondering if I will hurt him if my hesitancy continues.
But it is honestly so hard to stay positive some days...like today I was fine. I felt a lot better then I did when I posted this original thread...but not 15 minutes ago my mom told me that he and I will likely break up and that threw me...I'm like "but we fit so well, and he makes me happy..."
I guess I'm just having a hard time blocking out their negativity and listening to my own happiness

**mellif** · January 15, 2014, 03:33 AM

I know exactly how you feel-- I felt the same way when my SO and I parted last month. He visited for 4 days during Christmas. Before he left, on the last night, I cried in his arms; I tried to hold it in, since I knew it was hard for him too. But it got the best of me. After he left, it was difficult getting used to life without him. All I did was sleep in the room where he slept, his scent still lingering the room for a couple days. It probably didn't help recovering, but I didn't care since I wanted to make sure that I wouldn't forget how he smelled.

Many people (including my dad) think that my SO and I won't last. To be honest, I don't know if my SO and I will last either. But I've never loved someone more in my life. All I know is that my relationship with my SO isn't going down without a fight. I feel that's all I have to know for now, and enjoy the rest of the ride. Ironically, it's advice I forget to remind myself of sometimes.

**blueorchid1** · January 15, 2014, 03:53 PM

Originally posted by mellif View Post

All I know is that my relationship with my SO isn't going down without a fight. I feel that's all I have to know for now, and enjoy the rest of the ride. Ironically, it's advice I forget to remind myself of sometimes.

I feel this same way, how far apart are you from your SO?
My SO lives in Connecticut while I live in CA....it scares me the sheer distance between us because it makes visiting so much harder, waiting so much longer, and saying good bye even worse....he makes me so happy and I love him so Its hard for me to figure all of this out....

**differentcountries** · January 15, 2014, 04:02 PM

It helps a bit to know when you are likely to see each other again, or if you can book the next flight.

**Neia0202** · January 15, 2014, 04:12 PM

I call this Post Visit Depression. Completely normal. After the first visit I didn't have it as much because we only saw each other on 4 days, spread over the 2 weeks I was there. But when he left after the second visit it was a lot harder because we had been together constantly for 2 whole weeks. It was like I felt a void in my life, it was suddenly so quiet without him. And the doubts are also familiar, but like you said there's a reason you've come so far. Don't let those people get to you, I think a lot of us get those comments very often. You know why you're doing this, you think it's gonna be worth it and that's what counts.

**Sanja** · January 15, 2014, 07:09 PM

I just went through this a couple of weeks ago. Visiting my SO was wonderful and I hated leaving him at the airport. I am still having a hard time dealing with us being apart but I have to get through it. My family and friends are supportive, but I feel so lonely. Communicate with your SO whenever you can. Sometimes just hearing their voice makes all the difference. Don't let negative comments get to you. Follow your heart and stay strong! I wish you all the best

**blueorchid1** · January 15, 2014, 08:16 PM

Okay, so after much deliberation with my best friend I've realised that I'm just scared. I am in school and my SO isn't. I'm a planner and I obsess over little details whereas my SO constantly is reminding me to take things day by day.
Because I'm in school I know that the logical thing to do is to visit on breaks from school so that I don't get all upset post visit in the middle of a semester....all that would do is mess me up academically....but that means that our visits will be so much less often, and it makes everything so hard.

I'm scared because I have school and he doesn't. So I'm worried he will be lonely and what not while I'm keeping so busy....my friends and family tell me it's not something I need to bother myself with worrying over because he has decided to be in this relationship too. And so he will be okay and he will find things to do to make the time pass for him.

When I was with him it all felt so good, perfect, comfortable, natural.
I guess I'm just finding the reality that wanting to be with him every two months or three is unrealistic because we both have out own obligations...

It's so much more difficult than I ever anticipated :/

**differentcountries** · January 15, 2014, 08:35 PM

Only you how much obligations you have and how you can best handle them. As a general rule, though, the no visit blues is worse than post visit blues.

**blueorchid1** · January 15, 2014, 09:43 PM

Originally posted by differentcountries View Post

Only you how much obligations you have and how you can best handle them. As a general rule, though, the no visit blues is worse than post visit blues.

I totally agree, so that's why I want to see him often when I'm not in class, meaning in school holidays, that way we can be together with me having to go to school, and it gives me two reasons to look forward to the end of the school semester right?

**mellif** · January 16, 2014, 02:31 AM

Originally posted by blueorchid1 View Post

I feel this same way, how far apart are you from your SO?
My SO lives in Connecticut while I live in CA....it scares me the sheer distance between us because it makes visiting so much harder, waiting so much longer, and saying good bye even worse....he makes me so happy and I love him so Its hard for me to figure all of this out....

Ah, I'm in CA too-- He's in Arizona. It's only a state away, but since both our parents are protective, organizing visits are complicated. I feel for you girl. Hang in there! Take things one day at a time.

Some days will be longer than others, but, if you think the struggle is worth it, in the end, it will be worth it. At least, that's what I've taken from all the success stories posted on the forums. ^_^

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