Long Distance Arguments

[SSUgirl]

I don't really know how to handle the long distance arguments. I just feel like there is no good way to resolve them without being face to face and being able to sit down and talk about it. Instead of being able to do thos things, its seems as though we just end up ignoring each other. Do you and your SO argue? And how do you handle it? Do you find it hard to reconcile sometimes? I'm just confused.

[Zephii]

We argue more in person, because I'm less reasonable in real-time.
But, we still had our share of tiffs at a distance. These things help:
* Do your best to understand their point of view. You don't have to agree, you just need to be able to see it from their side.
* Know what the issue is and stick to it. Don't branch out into other issues.
* If it's not actually important, agree to disagree.
* Skype is the answer. You can sit down and talk about it for as long as you need.
* Get to the root of the problem. Sometimes there's an exercise that helps with this...
Write the problem down on paper - define all aspects of the problem. Eg: Obi's treating me badly.
Then ask why. Eg: Because I've been verbally attacking him, and because he's tired from work.
Ask why again. Eg: I'm attacking him because I'm angry because my job sucks.
Just keep following it down the line until you figure out the real reason you're upsett over something small that's been said or done.

[Tanja]

We don't argue much about things we would argue about when we're face to face but what I find frustrating is that when you're LD even the smallest things become a big deal so easily.

For example, when we're together and I get sleepy I'll just say "I'm going to bed" and he'll say "ok". But when we're chatting and I say that sometimes it raises lots of questions like am I ok? Is there something bothering me cause I wanna go? What's up? etc and it REALLY gets on my nerves when I'm tired lol.

Then I get a bit annoyed and just say I wanna go and that's that and he'll probably feel like rubbish and I'll end up apologizing the next day and feel guilty even though I'm not sure what I did wrong lol.

It's frustrating not being able to express your feelings with a tone of your voice or a look on your face, typing just isn't enough sometimes.

[NaNi]

My SO and I do have fights. Or "tensions" how we call them. We say something and it builds from there and it sometimes leads to us ending the Skype call without a warning. We know that we shouldn't do it, but taking a break for a short while really does help us. We send emails after and apologize and we're okay again. We hate it when we fight. Obviously. But it sometimes just happens. It's just the distance getting to us. We already worked out that we wouldn't have those tensions if we were together.

[MTK]

As in any relationship there's bound to be disagreements and arguments. I have had my share with my SO but what we do is try to make sure that there's no lingering feelings of guilt or confusement so it won't end up coming back to bite us in the ass. We also try and talk about the stuff that might be annoying us so it won't end up being a full blown argument but in the end if we do have on of those it's always a reality check for me if she tells me if i made her sad. I don't want to be the reason that she is sad and if she tells me that, any amount of stubbornnes will evaporate.

[noodle]

My SO used to do the thing with ending the Skype call as well, cause he said he doesnt want to cause more pain. I told him a few times that it causes the worst pain ever and he stopped. Since then we argue on Skype untill we both start cryin lol

[Silviar]

When we fight long distance, if one asks for some space to cool off, we'll grant it. Then when said angry party is done being tiffed, we explain why we're upset, and usually that and some e-hugging finishes us off.

[Caitlin2009]

we do have arguments they dont last too long and our one rule is never hang up, or go offline angry. We talk it out until its resolved, and we always sweep it under the rug afterwords and forget about them.

[milaya]

We also argue sometimes, of course.
I think this August has been the worst, probably because we will be separated for the longest time in our relationship. Which has made me go through an emotional roller coaster. There was so many things I wished to discuss with him, but he works 12 hours a day and feels stressed, so he wasn't in the mood to listen, which made me frustrated.

Our calls got more and more negative, which resulted in him asking if we should take a break from talking with each other. This I took very bad and it resulted in a fight. The day after he apologized in an e-mail. We decided to write e-mails for a few days, to cool down and it also made us able to think things better through, before saying them.

It's just the distance getting to us. We already worked out that we wouldn't have those tensions if we were together.

This. Think that most of our long distance arguments are caused by the distance - because we miss each other.

[Karringtyn]

My SO and I do have fights. Or "tensions" how we call them. We say something and it builds from there and it sometimes leads to us ending the Skype call without a warning. We know that we shouldn't do it, but taking a break for a short while really does help us. We send emails after and apologize and we're okay again. We hate it when we fight. Obviously. But it sometimes just happens. It's just the distance getting to us. We already worked out that we wouldn't have those tensions if we were together.

this is exactly how we are too.....

[paulawriteslove]

Whenever we argue we get everything off our mind and then we apologize and make up

[jjbabixo]

I believe everyone has arguments and I think with LDR its more likely to argue because another obstacle is thrown in the relationship. A while back I was picking fights with my SO because I felt like I needed more attention from him but I realized the problem and stopped that right away. Its really hard for me to express my feelings so luckily he can notice when somethings off and ask me about it. Sometimes though he does misread the way im communicating and thinks im upset when I'm really not. Our rule is to never go to bed upset with one another!

[amandamayaaa]

yeah we don't really argue when we're together, but when we're away the littlest things will set us off. they arn't full blown arguments usually, just disagreements that shouldn't even be problems. the distance is a huge reason to this

once we are done arguing he usually can just be normal with me and i can't do that! i sit there still annoyed or upset, or whatever emotion it made me feel. i can't just quickly switch back into the same mood i was in before the argument

and a lot of times i do end up ignoring him, or just don't really want to talk to him

and then when we are together and have our rare little disagreements, i find it so hard to stay mad at him because he's sitting right in front of me, touching me, or doing whatever

i think you just need to realize that even with the distance you need to communicate, and not let the littlest things bother you (which is so much easier said than done, trust me.. i know)

[mynameiseric]

her and I let the stupidest things get under our skin, especially when we're close to seeing each other. Whenever im mad at her, I find that I just want to apologize, even if I dont think im wrong, just to get the arguement over with because thats not her at all.

I mean why keep fighting? your LDR is hard enough as it is without fighting over dumb shit. Which its really hard for me not to get mad over dumb things, like tonight. The littleist thing can make me upset and affect my mood even if I was wayyy happy.

Its good to just talk about why either of you is upset, be HONEST of your feelings, and just communicate and end up normal in the end because there is NO arguement worth holding a grudge or anything over. GET OVER IT! to say the least