I know this is probably really selfish....

Hey everyone,

So this post doesn't have as much to do with my long distance relationship as it does with my friends and family at home. Well more specifically my best friend. Throughout the beginning of my LDR my best friend was always there for me. I will be the first to admit that yeah, I dont always listen to her advice, but who wants to be told harsh realities when they are falling in love?
Anyway, I came back from my first visit with my SO and I talked to my bestie nd her husband a lot (i am 19, she is 20 and her husband is 22. they have been married for two years). They gave me advice, reminded me that i am in my relationship for a reason, and they helped me past my initial days of crying and feeling like the sadness would never stop. I have been home for just over a week, and i am still on a daily emotional roller coaster.
My best friend has been so good, and supportive, but when i got home we agreed that after one week of being home, i needed to try to slow my constant sad talks and listen to her more about things going on in her life (mind you for the first 7 months of my LDR it was all i ever talked about and she listened the whole entire time).
Well, exactly one week after id been back my best friend found out that she is pregnant!
I am so very excited for her, but im also scared, nervous, and a very very tiny amount jealous. I know that the only reason I am jealous is because I am in an LDR while she is happily married and now starting a family!

I guess what im asking for is advice on how to be there for her, while also trying to manage my worries and loneliness. I feel selfish even asking for advice for this, its her moment, its a happy time. But honestly I fear that i wont be able to talk to her as much, plus my SO is not here, and my family is always so busy.
I just want to be able to give her her moment, but I dont want to be sad each time I think about how happy she and her husband are about this baby.

Thank you so much for any advice you can give

[rubydissolution]

I think this is something we all go through. For a lot of different reasons. I have felt this way a lot over the last few years. Most of my friends have gotten married, and started having kids and I'm not even close. It's really hard to put your feelings aside and be there for them, but that is part of being a friend. You have to put your feelings aside and be happy for her. That's all you can do, there is no advice to give on how to get passed it. Just be happy for your friend! She's going to be a mom! Also try to remember that you are in an early stage of your relationship, you aren't anywhere close to being ready to get married and having baby. So, no reason to be sad about that you have plenty of time. And when you are ready, you will be close distance with your SO. You are 19...SOOOOO much time lol!

As you grow older the time you spend together is going to become less, so is the amount of time you talk. That's just kind of how life goes. You learn to be self sufficient, and you know that your friends will always be your friends even when you don't talk for a while. So, treasure the time that you have with her right now. Her time is going to progressively move more towards her child, and that doesn't mean she cares about you less, her priorities have just shifted. I think I just rambled...but yea, push your feelings back and share in the happiness that her baby will bring to your life.

[blueorchid1]

You are so right. I just get muddled in my own head at times. Yes, I am so happy for her, but you are right, I look at her life and the things she's going through and I'm not ready, not am I at a place in my own life where the things she is going through can happen for me. My relationship is still fairly new, but I guess it just feels like I've always had my SO. It honestly feels like he and I have been together our whole lives. Or at least known of eachother haha. I love my best friend and I know that she needs my support and I'm totally going to be there for her.
I guess I am just having, or was having, one of those off days.

But what doesn't kill you makes you stronger right?

[differentcountries]

Set aside a time to be sad for yourself. Be really, really selfish but in your house. See a romantic movie, treat yourself with good food, write a diary, cry if you feel like it. You are entitled to fantasize all you want about happy future life with your so. Do that until you get bored of it.

You know how to be a good friend, I am sure. Do that, and take care of you, too. All is good.

[Hollandia]

You are still just a teen, you have plenty of years to wait before having that baby. You will come to this point with your SO when the time is right. When your time comes she will want to be there for you and so I would really try to do the same for her now. I know it hurts, It more than hurts, it sucks. We all walk different paths in life but that does not mean we don't end up in the same place eventually. I would try to look forward to the time a few years down the road when you can all have family BBQ's together but, I would also say that you might not really want to start a family instantly after you close the distance. Having a baby is a lot of work and a lifetime commitment, while it is a wonderful blessing for a couple, there is also something quite special about taking a few years to just be the two of you. Think about closing the distance and don't worry that your friend's timeline is moving along quicker than yours.

[itsjen516]

It's ok to feel that way but know she's your best friend and will be there for you when you need it, plus you also have a SO who will be there for you when you need it to.
So don't feel selfish since it's normal to feel that way

[piratemama]

There's nothing wrong with your feelings, but acting wrong on them could hurt someone. You are wise to recognize that and try to find a balance. Treating your friend right is just something you do. You make yourself do it by pushing aside your feelings temporarily and focus on her. Being in an LDR seems to consume us. I think it's because we miss our SO's so much and can't really do anything about it. We feel a loss of control. I get jealous seeing a couple holding hands or hugging, so I can't imagine my best friend married and having a baby. I know you feel conflicted, and it's normal.

For yourself, maybe you could reach out to others around you and make new friends. Try to find someone who is lonely or hurting and could use a friend. It's awfully hard to do that when you are down, but it would help.

I hope things get better for you soon.

[blueorchid1]

Being in an LDR seems to consume us. I think it's because we miss our SO's so much and can't really do anything about it. We feel a loss of control. I get jealous seeing a couple holding hands or hugging, so I can't imagine my best friend married and having a baby. I know you feel conflicted, and it's normal.

Oh my goodness I absolutely agree with you! My LDR has become a very large part of my life and I agree that it is most likely because I miss my SO so much. For myself it is easiest to talk about my LDR rather than keep it to myself. It helps me because yes, it is sad at times, but i would rather feel a bit sad every now and again, then to just have one large and lasting sting of emotion.

And trust me! having a best friend that is married AND now pregnant? It will get very hard the more I miss my SO. The first days I was back from my visit he wanted me to go to her home and see her and tell her all about the trip. However just the thought of getting to see her and her husband doing things together at their home made me so incredibly sad and a bit jealous.
The longer I am back the easier it will be to adjust to the groove of missing my SO, however I know that I will never fully adjust to missing him. Knowing that, I do know that I cant make my LDR my whole world. I keep busy with school, work, and I guess I am lucky to be able to say that I have a close friend who wants to include me in this exciting part of her life!

[itwasmeanttobe]

First of all, why are you so sad all the time? I understand that you miss your SO but is that really reason to be depressed 24/7 and feeling sorry for yourself? The pregnancy is amazing news! This is the time to be there for your best friend as she has been there for you! Perhaps this is the distraction you need to feel better about your situation. This is your time to be supportive and help your best friend in any way you can during her pregnancy. Your time will come and I'm sure she will do the same for you.

[Irina_Linn]

your friend has been really sweet listening to you and being there for you for 7 months while you have been down and sad.just think about it.maybe you got used that there is always someone on whose shoulder to cry and now this shoulder is moving farther from you and you are left by yourself (kinda).if you are in LDR,learn to be strong and independent,because you never know whether there will be someone with whom you could share your happiness or sadness.it's a difficult thing to learn yet it's a must

[Alsfia]

Im sure that once the initial shock is over youll be thrilled for her, at least that is/was true for me

[lilcupcake]

As far as the jealously goes, I understand that. my sister just moved back home because she's pregnant. she left the guy because he's abusive, though. She's a terrible a mother, and doesn't deserve another chance at it. I'm scratching my eyes out because one, i'm going to end up taking care of this baby too because she wont. and the poor little thing's life will be a mess. and why do bad people get to have babies? i want a baby X_X I don't confide in her for anything, though.

You always have us to confide in, you can PM me anytime you need to talk. You should let her have her time. Just celebrate with her, you don't have to completely stop talking about your relationship but you should give her more time to talk about the baby.