End of the Road: He lost all of my trust!!

[bribri2729]

Good afternoon LFAD Community friends,

So over the past couple weeks my so and I have been reconnecting and working on building our trust and friendship again. But as of last night, IT IS THE END of my so and I...for good! Yesterday aftertoon I asked my so:
Me- " How do you feel about us right now."
His reply- "I feel like we are going back into the same routine."
Me- "What do you mean? What specifically?"
Him- "Everything."
Me- "Like what? How we communicate (we text during the day because he works and then we skype at night)?"
Him- "Yeah."
Me- "Ok then, what should we do differently?"
Him- "Idk."
Me- "There is only so much we can do with our schedules, so we're just going to have to make the best of it, and why are you just now telling me this?"
Him- "Idk."

Keep in mind my so was on a call working from home at this time, our conversation continued:
Me- "Can we skype when your done with your call?"
Him- "No I'm heading to my friend (bestfriend who is a girl) its Wednesday and Chicago pd is on, we can talk about this when I get home."
Me- "You can't be a little late, we really need to talk about this, its important." Don't you still want to work things out?"
Him- "I do but why can't we talk about this tonight, are you not going to be able to talk tonight?"
Me- "Yes I will, I just wanted to talk about this before you leave.
Him- "Oh."
Me- "But I guess I'll have to wait."
Him- "Ya sry I want to beat rush hour traffic."
Me- "Ok."

Then once he got home we started skyping, I asked how his day was and if he had a good time with his friend, while my day was pretty emotional from what we talked about earlier. Our conversation continued:
Me- "So what's going on?"
Him- "I still feel like we're doing the same routine."
Me- "What are we supposed to do? I can't come out there until you meet my parents, and now you're telling you don't know when you can come now because of school, before he told me he couldn't come because of the weather. Like what is the real reason why you can't come?"
Him- "Idk, I thought I could make it through this but now I feel like I'm going to hurt you even more."
Me- "I start pouring out my heart like always on skype, while he sits there like a punk and doesn't say shit.

Now skype kept shutting off last night because of the connection so we ended up texting the rest of the night. So my so wasn't saying shit on skype until after we got off skype then that's when everything came out. Once again my so was being weak will because he couldn't handle the distance and was going to end up hurting me in the future. That is basically what he said over text and then he told me he was going to bed and that I can say whatever I needed to get out of my chest and he was not going to reply back to me. THE NERVE of him!! So I sent him a long 6 page text saying that if I recall he was the one who sent me a 22 page text confessing his love to me and saying all kinds of things, I listened to him and brought him back into my life. I told him I'm okay, because I realized he is weak because he says more to me texting than on skype to my face, and that if he ever tried to contact me I WILL NOT ANSWER AND THAT'S A PROMISE!! I finally told him he needs to learn how to be up front and speak up to someone and not hold it in and not say shit until the end and act like everything is okay, when it isn't. If he doesn't he is going to end up single and lonely as fuck because he does not know how to act like a grown ass man. Mark my words!!!

I have never felt so stupid, betrayed, and used.

[differentcountries]

He says he is bored and feels stuck, although he is not visiting nor bringing forth any suggestions for how to make things more interesting. You feel he is holding back and when he continues to hold back even when critisizing your current situation and suggesting there may be no future for the two of you, you tell him to get lost. So he is not opening up exept on text, and you talk exessively, and he is hinting and you are being blunt, and you annoy each other with your differences. Sounds like you need a lot of generosity to connect. If that is what you want.

[squeeker]

Him- "Idk, I thought I could make it through this but now I feel like I'm going to hurt you even more."
Me- "I start pouring out my heart like always on skype, while he sits there like a punk and doesn't say shit.

Now skype kept shutting off last night because of the connection so we ended up texting the rest of the night. So my so wasn't saying shit on skype until after we got off skype then that's when everything came out. .

Okay so first off, I will say, if you are getting hurt, you probably are best to not be in this relationship. But I just wanted to comment on a couple things to see whether they add any clarity.. I quoted specifically this part because it struck me as interesting. He was concerned he was "going to hurt you even more" which sounds like he is scared on his part.. And you said it was because he ( and maybe you ) were feeling like you were stuck in a routine.. which is common because in an LDR routines are almost essential to know when you can talk to someone. I'm kind of worried about it because I don't know him as a person.. and you would know him better than me obviously. Also I wanted to comment on your "I start pouring out my heart like always on skype, while he sits there like a punk and doesn't say shit." And I wanted to say... you might not want to judge that prematurely.. because I know at least from my relationship, often I end up rambling and talking nonstop when I get anxious or emotional, or whatever, and try and fix things.. but my boyfriend reacts and deals with it by being quiet and not reacting.. and instead distracting himself until he gets into a calm place in his mind where he can talk again. Since this was a big sort of "fight" in your relationship, he may have been trying to deal with it in his way.

I'm not sure if that made sense.. I hope you are okay and deal with this okay and do what's best for you!!

[Kitten_mittens]

I feel bad for the guy here =[ That would hurt getting broken up with in a text.

Sometimes I prefer to say things through text as it's easier. So I guess I'm weak too. It does seem like he was scared or having second thoughts but he didn't come off as an ass to me. You two definitely don't sound like a good match but I don't believe breaking up in a text is ever mature. And to tell someone they will never find love.. Ouch. Break ups are painful as it is, no reason to crush the mans self esteem.

[rubydissolution]

I feel like you had an intense overreaction here. Some people can just get their emotions and thoughts out better via text. They have time to process their thoughts and articulate appropriately. It's not that he wasn't paying attention or responding, he probably just didn't know how to voice his concerns over skype. I'm the exact same way. I can write a detailed well organized letter or im, but getting it out face to face is like hell. I just can't find the right words and it comes out a jumbled mess. Cut him some slack, some people are like that. As for him just giving up and going to bed, conversations like the one you were having can be draining. You never said how long that conversation lasted, but I'm sure you were drained as well. He had been working, then pulled into an intense conversation...I'd be tired too. Ya know what some people just need a break from it to regroup.

On another note, it's soooooo hard to get some guys to open up about their emotions, and how they are feeling. It takes so much effort. If you decide to give this another go, I would be patient and understanding with him. Guys like to say that girls are complex, but so are they.

[differentcountries]

I think I might know where you are coming from, because sometimes I just HAVE to have my so listen to me, even if he is tired or even exhausted. The difference I guess is that I can never say anything lenghty because he is just not good enough in English to pay attention to a wall of words, and I can never say anything angry because then he will be just hurt or defensive. Thst has been very disiplining for my inner, babbling drama queen. If I can't say it nicely in three sentences and ask him for something specific, it just won't go. It is really hard. It helps to know that opening up is really hard for him and something to be grateful for, even if I take it for granted when I do it myself. Seems like the two of you have a history of breaking up and getting back together again, and you seem hurt from this still, and interpret his doubts in this light. It would be possable to say he asked for help to see new solutions and opened up to the fact he was scared for the future, with your response was inner alarm and not you trying to be creative with him (there is lots of technology, lots of communication styles, lots of topics) or to ease his mind. If you decide to let him go, worry not about his relationship skills, they are his to worry about, focus rather on your own. I know when you are hurt everything seems like the other person 's fault, but that is not a great attitude to bring into a new relationship.