Feeling Closer and Farther

[folclor]

So... As some of you know, I've been dating my guy for a while now and we're even possibly getting married in May (as I have a job opportunity that could lead to getting transferred to Edmonton in June the marriage is more of a possibility than not). Lately, though, I've run into a problem I never actually anticipated.

Every time we're together physically we get closer emotionally. That, in itself, is not a problem. However, the problem is when we go apart again it feels more difficult. I'm sure many of you have experienced this same feeling. The feeling that nothing's quite right now that you're apart again. And I'm not talking about just feeling a little lonely or missing your SO, I'm talking about seriously feeling like half of you is gone. A lot of y'all who've been in relationships for a long time (and some of y'all who've only been dating a short time) will know what I'm talking about.

But as this is a new challenge, I'm struggling with how to cope with it. It's not like just missing him or just being a little lonely. In the past that would spark a date night over video chat or us both going out with friends for a few hours and then coming back and talking about it. This is like... no matter how busy I try to keep myself there's always a feeling in the pit of my stomach or in my chest that something is very wrong. At first I mistook it for a feeling that something terrible was going to happen (one of us getting hurt or sick or us breaking up, etc) but it's not that, either. Again, for those of you who feel it you know what I'm talking about.

So how do you cope with it? Do you try to talk more? Make a plan for getting out of the distance sooner? Or do you just try to keep busy?

[NavyWife]

I don't have any answers to your questions, but i know how you feel. I always thought it was a feeling something was wrong too. But i mean, if you think about it, it does mean something is wrong. That something is that we are away from the one thing we love more than ourselves...i dont think its something we can really get rid of, but we should channel it differently. Not sure how to do that but....in a way too, its a good feeling. If we didnt have that feeling then something is TERRIBLY wrong. We are supposed to miss them. I know i didnt really answer any questions but maybe i made you feel better about having that feeling...

[differentcountries]

I know that feeling. I try to distract myself in the dagtime and connect online in the evening. And make suggestions on how to meet more and possably close the distance.

[BabyGund]

I'm feeling it now, because we don't have our evening chats til he gets a new laptop this weekend. I miss him with an ache I never believed possible.

I cried one night. Kept busy on the phone with friends on another. I've just generally been mopey every evening though. I just booked our next visit...initially as a one way ticket to him (I had enough frequent flyer miles to get to him, not enough to get back)...and I've been hesitating on purchasing the return. I don't know why. Except that I want to stay with him. But I know that's simply not possible.

[Moon]

I don't do anything in particular, as much as keeping busy helps, that feeling always comes back, it never really goes away. I think I just acknowledge it, and realize it's just a bad part of being LDR, and live with it, I guess.

I don't think talking more helps, at least not for me. It's that little reminder that the one you love is far away, and for me it's gets worse as time goes on. Just look forward to getting married and remind yourself that this is a temporary situation, I kind of think really understanding that it's only temporary does help a little.

[squeeker]

I get it from time to time too. Mostly when my boyfriend logs out and I have nothing I can be doing. It hasn't happened much lately because I always have some uni work I could be doing, or I get to talk to my boyfriend or be online with him. I find being online with him as much as possible helps me most of the time not to think about it because it's like he's there. I just push don't dwell on the feeling that he should be here or I should be there, because I know that that doesn't help. Though every now and then it might hit me particularly hard but I typically just sort of am used to the fact he's online at the other side of the computer. We ARE together, he is there. I can talk to him almost all the time and if I can't then it's just a few hours until I can. And we video chat and if we are both doing our own things, the hum of video chat/computer is comforting in a way because it lets me know he's there.. and if I want extra confirmation without saying too much I can make a kissy noise or something and he'll respond. And I think it helps that we both are at uni now so we both are working towards our future together slowly but surely. It's still hard but we have to get through it.

[piratemama]

It happens to me, too. After being with my SO, I hurt so bad that I literally ached inside. It's part of being in love. Unfortunately, it doesn't go away completely, but it does get better with time. You do have to keep busy. I like to keep busy trying to plan things to do for my SO.