Confused and Lonely Heart :(

[chellemi]

Hi there guys!

I have been a member since 2011. I have also read a lot of advices in the forum previously. I never had the chance to post anything in the forum because I thought I can manage things on my own.

The reason why I wanted to post something today is because I feel like I'm no longer able to hold it all in, I feel like I might explode and I needed to find a way that I can express how I feel and I know you guys will be able to give your insights on this kind of things.

Pardon me guys if this will be a long story, this is the first time I will be sharing how I truely feel. Not even my friends knows how I truely feel. I'm a bit stubborn and I don't have my true friends with me right now.

Anyways, me and my SO have been together for 2 and a half years now. Even when I was still back home we were in a long distance situation but it was easier for us to see each other because the plane ticket is not that expensive. Before I met my SO, I already had my application to migrate to a different country, which I had informed him. Last 2013, I finally migrated to Canada, we made plans and he was supportive about me doing this for myself and for our future.

My SO is not so keen on verbalizing how he feels. He doesn't say much of those mushy stuff but he is very demonstrative when we are together. When I moved here, I will admit it took a toll on our relationship. The time difference and the frustration that I am all alone here and we dont get to have that much time together.

When I was new here we have set aside a particular day as our datenight. So we could spend time together that both of us will be available. Then later on the skype, the calls became very seldom because he relied more with text messages. A "goodmorning" text message was good enough for us. There will be times that I wouldn't be able to reply to his messages and vice versa. Last year I went home for a quick vacation. I realized that vacation was what we really needed. We made sure we made the most out of that vacation.

Then when I got back, text messages was a constant thing as always. The skype session was there initially then calls tend to diminish it was more on text messages. There was a time that I will tell myself that this is what we are, like we are used to this kind of set up. He is the type of person that doesnt like to write letters or what.

I have told him before about making an effort because I needed that for us. He would listen and then here comes our datenight. Text messages are not arriving. I get frustrated, he gets upset. This past few weeks has been really tough.
Part of me is hurting because, I miss how we were, I miss him so much. I have told him about it a couple of times but I really felt tired with all the complaint and I don't wanna fight anymore.

It is very hard right now, I feel like a part of my heart is so lost. I do love him but I am very confused, I dont wanna fight him anymore but I don't wanna feel this way. Like I feel lonely and I feel alone. I know that he loves me. Even though he doesnt say it often, I know when he tells me that he loves me, he means it but I just hope that everything will be okay.

Do you guys think, me stepping back a little bit. If i don't communicate with him for a week or so just to give us both some time to think about things. Will that be okay?


I dont know what to do

[squeeker]

Oh dear, I'm sorry! Lack of communication would cause me worry too. Because my boyfriend and I are able to talk every day practically, though some days are worse than others and we can only talk for a bit.

Have you been messaging him a lot but he hasn't replied to any of yours? Because then I think, yeah maybe try not sending many and then he will realize something is up and want to text you. I think you two should try and have a conversation again about when is the best times to talk, and figure out some things to do together online.. maybe watch a movie, play a game, eat some food, talk, and/or anything else that might interest you. And try and find a few times a week ideally, or at least one if you are really busy, or however it fits your schedule. But schedule the time, so that you can make your plans around it, and also then can even prepare things to do or say if you feel like the conversation topics dry up sometimes.

Try and stay strong.. this is tough when there isn't enough communication.. maybe leaving it a week might help him realize he wants to message you.. maybe he's been busy lately.. just try and figure out what's going on, try asking him in a nice way where you are trying to be understanding of the situation.. you could also say a message that you will stop messaging for a week or until he messages you, but you love him, but because he hasn't messaged in awhile, you realize he must be busy and you want him to message you when you can. Though if he doesn't message you after a week of non talking and doesn't have a good reason.. you might need to find out if he has a reason he is trying to hide.

I hope things are okay and the communication gets back to a better state and that you will be able to be together in person again soon. Stay strong!

[mellif]

I'm sorry to hear about the dilemma. I think not communicating for a week will worsen things in your case. Keep fighting-- you'll get through this if you both are determined to turn things around. Sometimes text messages aren't a good form of communication because people get busy/occupied for totally random reasons that usually aren't worth mentioning (spilled a coffee, broke something, got distracted by TV, etc).

If I were in the same situation, I'd probably ask my SO this question: "Babe, things are getting really hard lately. But I really want to fight this frustration and depression because I love you, and I know we're worth it. I know you love me, but I just need to hear that you feel the same way, and you want to fight for this as much as I do." Hopefully some of this helps. I'm sure that you two can get through this; good luck!!

[differentcountries]

Have you asked him exactly what type of problem he has with Skype? It doesn't have to be like poaring out I love you 's, at least when there is some lenght in it people often throw in random, everyday stuff like what they did at the gym, what they ate and stuff. Me and So sometimes even write at Skype, like when other people can hear us or if we feel shy. Still we can see each other and hear the other person breathing, moving etc which gives a closeness hard to come by in text alone. Also, during the day we send pics, of us or where we are or even what we are eating. Emicons are nice when you don't know how to phrase things. You may try less contact, you may try more, the point is to get the most out of the contact you are having.

[chellemi]

hey guys!

I really appreciate all of your advices and I am really very thankful that I finally voiced out how I felt. You never know how much weight was lifted when I wrote in the forum. I will definitely take note of all your suggestions!


Superthanks to all!
will keep you posted! 😃

[Chris516]

Hi there guys!

I have been a member since 2011. I have also read a lot of advices in the forum previously. I never had the chance to post anything in the forum because I thought I can manage things on my own.

The reason why I wanted to post something today is because I feel like I'm no longer able to hold it all in, I feel like I might explode and I needed to find a way that I can express how I feel and I know you guys will be able to give your insights on this kind of things.

Pardon me guys if this will be a long story, this is the first time I will be sharing how I truely feel. Not even my friends knows how I truely feel. I'm a bit stubborn and I don't have my true friends with me right now.

Anyways, me and my SO have been together for 2 and a half years now. Even when I was still back home we were in a long distance situation but it was easier for us to see each other because the plane ticket is not that expensive. Before I met my SO, I already had my application to migrate to a different country, which I had informed him. Last 2013, I finally migrated to Canada, we made plans and he was supportive about me doing this for myself and for our future.

My SO is not so keen on verbalizing how he feels. He doesn't say much of those mushy stuff but he is very demonstrative when we are together. When I moved here, I will admit it took a toll on our relationship. The time difference and the frustration that I am all alone here and we dont get to have that much time together.

When I was new here we have set aside a particular day as our datenight. So we could spend time together that both of us will be available. Then later on the skype, the calls became very seldom because he relied more with text messages. A "goodmorning" text message was good enough for us. There will be times that I wouldn't be able to reply to his messages and vice versa. Last year I went home for a quick vacation. I realized that vacation was what we really needed. We made sure we made the most out of that vacation.

Then when I got back, text messages was a constant thing as always. The skype session was there initially then calls tend to diminish it was more on text messages. There was a time that I will tell myself that this is what we are, like we are used to this kind of set up. He is the type of person that doesnt like to write letters or what.

I have told him before about making an effort because I needed that for us. He would listen and then here comes our datenight. Text messages are not arriving. I get frustrated, he gets upset. This past few weeks has been really tough.
Part of me is hurting because, I miss how we were, I miss him so much. I have told him about it a couple of times but I really felt tired with all the complaint and I don't wanna fight anymore.

It is very hard right now, I feel like a part of my heart is so lost. I do love him but I am very confused, I dont wanna fight him anymore but I don't wanna feel this way. Like I feel lonely and I feel alone. I know that he loves me. Even though he doesnt say it often, I know when he tells me that he loves me, he means it but I just hope that everything will be okay.

Do you guys think, me stepping back a little bit. If i don't communicate with him for a week or so just to give us both some time to think about things. Will that be okay?


I dont know what to do

I have been basically going through the same kind of lack of communication for nearly 2.5yrs., after we were going gangbusters for four years. I have also repeatedly told my SO about the lack of communication. So like you are wondering, I stepped back and waited for my SO to contact me. She finally has on a regular basis.

[chellemi]

Hi there Chris516, I am glad that you and your SO have patched things up. I am happy for both of you.

As for me it has been only 3 days since we last had our conversation/ argument. He didn't contact me, I am sad but I have to be strong for myself. I have chosed to give us both some time to figure things out. I chose to step back and see if he makes an effort for me and for our relationship. Ive cried myself to sleep, crying helps me out to ease how I feel.

I am hoping and praying for the best for our relationship but if ever things doesn't work out. I pray for strength because it is not easy to be all alone especially with my situation right now.

Once again thanks for all of ur advices guys, I really appreciate it.

:-)