Plans

[differentcountries]

I don't think anyone wants to be LD longer than they have to, unless they enjoy the distance that is. In our case we can't close the distance by marriage, so we must find other ways, and those other ways take longer. He will need to finish school if he wants to do more studies here. That is how I picture us closing the distance semi -permanently, like a trial relocation. If that works out fine we can look into how he can live here like a snow bird or all year round.

[Zephii]

I don't think anyone wants to be LD longer than they have to, unless they enjoy the distance that is. In our case we can't close the distance by marriage, so we must find other ways, and those other ways take longer. He will need to finish school if he wants to do more studies here. That is how I picture us closing the distance semi -permanently, like a trial relocation. If that works out fine we can look into how he can live here like a snow bird or all year round.

OT I know, but I'm getting a general vibe from you that tells me you think people who can marry for the visa have it easy, and I'd like to point out that this isn't necessarily the case at all. In some instances it smoothes the path but in others it makes no difference at all. And then of course you have the couples who sadly don't even have the right to marry. Just saying.

[lyonsgirl]

We didn't make concrete plans to close the distance until about three months before we actually did close the distance. And even then those "concrete" plans were still up in the air. I don't think anything was actually official until he had rented the Uhaul and started packing it up.

[Momocheet]

This has been a sore point for me and my SO. Since I moved here it has been like "let's see" and such. I try to make a plan and he says "how can we make a plan when there are things we dont know yet?" I fel like those are all excuses he feels like those are all realities. What can you really do if one is a strict planner (me) and he is not. I know what you mean when you say that you survived in your life by planning; that is SOO me!

I completely agree with you. I have always been a planner but my SO is very laid back and goes with the flow so it's really hard to plan anything with including visits. He just gives says, "Maybe," "If we can afford it," or "If school is off."

However, he tries to understand my need for planning so we both decided that after I finish my degree we're CD. That's as much planning as he'll do.

Who's moving to where is another story for another day. lol

[Malaga]

I try to make a plan and he says "how can we make a plan when there are things we dont know yet?"

It's true though. I used to be quite burdened with the need to make a plan and so we tried to come up with something last summer. We couldn't move from the spot. But I realised that was both of us - neither of us knew any better than the other. And I had to admit to myself that when I was trying to have him plan the future, that I was actually expecting him to come up with the decision, or at least a suggestion. But is that fair, no. I mean, he could've easily expected the same from me, but I was none the wiser. So I figured out two things:

1. When you're locked in status quo and can't make a decision, then something has to change in your circumstances to give you a different input - meaning it's not the right moment until this happens. For us, as soon as we dropped the matter, things started happening in our careers etc that began directing us towards a decision.

2. If you know you're a planner, and your SO isn't, then you make the first decision yourself. Whether it's who's going to move, when or how. But if you want to be proactive, then be proactive, make that decision and all your other plans will build around it.

[differentcountries]

OT I know, but I'm getting a general vibe from you that tells me you think people who can marry for the visa have it easy, and I'd like to point out that this isn't necessarily the case at all. In some instances it smoothes the path but in others it makes no difference at all. And then of course you have the couples who sadly don't even have the right to marry. Just saying.

I did not mean to imply that it is necessarily easy if you close the distance by marriage. It always depends on the circumstances. I know some who marry have a hard time getting visa or recidency, or juggling kids, work or education. I will try to phrase my words better.

[kayla_622]

To close the distance...we never planned it. It just happened. I was having family issues and my SO was hating his job which, means he was willing to leave it. So, he said he would come here to be with me to help me through what was going on. He was willing to leave his job and move 500+ miles. We decided this about 2 weeks before he actually came up which, was about 6 months into our relationship. We've been CD for almost a year now. Before this I just took things day by day.

[Heavenly_Love12]

My SO and I have plans to close the distance but which plan happens, is what we don't know.

We plan to close the distance next year by one of three ways:

1. If I reenlist into active duty, then he will move to my next duty station. *see below*
2. If I do not reenlist in active duty, I will return home (we're from the same city) at the end of 2015 when my terminal leave kicks in
3. If I get into Officer Training School, OTS (applying in October and will find out if I am accepted in December of this year), then he'll stay in our hometown until my training is over, unless there is going to be a huge wait time, and then move to wherever I am.

*I could decide to cross train, leave my current career field and go into another one, in January of next year but would only do so if I didn't get into OTS and decide to stay enlisted in active duty. If that occurred, then how long the schooling would be for my next career, would be the factor in when the distance is closed.*

These plans would have the distance closed in 2015 barring anything major from happening. He's also been talking about us getting married next year too! I'm a planer it would drive me insane to just play it by ear and I know life can get in the way but it's better to have an idea than none at all in my opinion.

[rufuz]

Although we are only together for 5 months yet we already had plans from the beginning on... but as a lot of you have already said before the plans always change.

Our first plan like 1-2 weeks after we came together was that he is going to move here because Germany offers a better standard of life, like you earn much more money etc. ... I have never dealt with visas before so I informed myself what's necessary to bring him here and found out that it is really difficult because the only ways would be him finding a job here or us getting married... But I don't want to get married just for closing the distance... and finding a good job for him here is not really possible as he doesn't even speak german.

The second plan is of course me moving to Mexico. For me there are also the same possibilities: job or marriage. As I told before marriage is not yet in my mind. But I thought finding a job for me in Cancun would be a lot easier as it is a city with lots of tourism from all over the world. So we decided to wait until I've finsihed my traineeship as industrial clerk here in Germany and I should then try to get a job there.

And this is still our plan. I've finished my traineeship on the 20th of january and now I don't have a job in Germany anymore because the company wasn't able to keep me there. I am looking for a job in Cancun each day. But it's so much harder than I've thought before. The biggest problem is that most of the hotels there want bilingual staff with english and spanish. But right now my spanish isn't good enough. I mean, I've learned spanish in school for 3 years and I can understand written things really easily, but I am so bad at conversations right now because the Mexicans talk way too fast. I am sure that I would learn it quickly but nobody is going to give me a job without speaking spanish Or at least I need lots of luck to find a job where I don't need to be perfect in spanish. I am going to keep on searching... but it could be possible that we have to change our plans again someday if I don't find something

[stormy]

Haha, I totally understand what you mean. Often times if I say something like, "Hey, when do you think we'll get to live in the same place?" he'll say, "soon ^^" which is a big step up from the "eventually" he used to give me.

Haha. I've gotten "It'll happen."
Well, it better!

[stormy]

This has been a sore point for me and my SO. Since I moved here it has been like "let's see" and such. I try to make a plan and he says "how can we make a plan when there are things we dont know yet?" I fel like those are all excuses he feels like those are all realities. What can you really do if one is a strict planner (me) and he is not. I know what you mean when you say that you survived in your life by planning; that is SOO me!

I'm glad someone can relate to that. I was a little worried no one would understand what I meant by it!

This topic actually came up yesterday and we have a very basic idea of what would need to happen in order for us to close the distance. For both of us, and like many others, it has to do with work. He's military and I am a new teacher who is not yet tenured. Sooooo, I got some satisfaction... sort of lol.

[Zapookie]

Our plan was for my SO to visit on a working holiday visa (1 year), get a job, save money and apply for a de-facto visa whilst in Australia, which would allow him to stay indefinitely until we were to hear back from immigration. That turned to shit because he couldn't find a stable job the whole time he was here, so he had to go back to the US.

Now our plan is to get engaged on this next visit and then apply for the fiance visa. It's been 3 years with 1 year living together. I'm ready for this whole thing to be over with.