Am I over thinking this?

[Hollandia]

So just wanted to let everyone know my internal dilemma and see if I'm just over thinking this...

My LD GF and I have an agreement to talk for at least an hour in the morning every day. There have been other mornings where she has done this and I've chatted with her about it and she agreed she would, at the very least, communicate with me. It's happened again this morning and I'm a bit annoyed. Should I be annoyed or am I just over thinking this?

Here's my perception of what's going on...

1) We agree to talk one morning at 7:00 AM because she has school at 8:30. I am up at 7:00, computer on and ready to go and don't hear anything from her until 7:45 AM. I explain I've been up since 7:00 waiting when I could have been sleeping (I didn't need to be up as early) and some communication would have been nice)

2) This morning she starts work in 3 mins. and I've been up since 7:30 AM to Skype with her as we agreed. Guess what? I haven't heard anything from her at all.

I'm with the opinion that a quick communication "sorry I'm running late honey...I may not be able to talk this morning." will go a long way. Am I out to lunch and over reacting or is this a vital part of a relationship that needs to be discussed?

Let me know your thoughts before I go making an ass of myself. ha ha.



So...I just realized that maybe...what I didn't realize this morning is...she ISN'T working today but didn't know that so I'll soon find out. Maybe this is just a scheduling mix up.

Don't ask if you don't want an answer. This is actually a pretty large forum and you will almost always get replies in here that means you won't always like what you hear. I think, whatever works for YOU, if you are happy with it, then good, if you are not, then .........well, not fine. If you decide you are not happy with it, then read over the suggestions already made and whatever ones come next, if not, you might want to close the thread before you get further offended.

[BabyGund]

I'm going to take daveandolga's side here...

He and his GF agreed that 7 am would be the time for them. THAT is what they agreed to, she said that would work for her. If that wasn't going to work, she should have negotiated a better time.

But maybe now that it's in practice, she finds out it is not working for her, it is upon her to communicate that, not keep blowing him off. That's rude, and he has every right to be upset over it. If any of your SO's made a date and then blew you off, not show up and not even let you know, you'd be pretty pissed and posting all over this board too.

Ultimately, daveandolga, you two need to sit down and discuss your expectations, etc. and see if this works and if a time change is in order. Since her work schedule changed, she really should have communicated that and changed the Skype time. That's her bad.

[snow]

I'm with Ejoriah on this: If it happened just once / twice, let her know that you'd like her to drop you a message when she has no time to talk, but if it is reoccuring this needs to be adressed. If 7am works fine for you both, then find out what happened that she couldn't make it.

Also BabyGund, the color and font of your text makes your post extremely hard to read - Michelle asked us not to use other fonts/colors when posting. [Love Century Gothic though - my favorite font!]

[stormy]

I agree with other people when saying that if this is something that happens often (her agreeing to do something then not doing it) I would be upset as well.

I am the kind of person who likes to be told of those kinds of changes, then I might be disappointed but not angry (or some other synonym of that). Maybe she is just finding that although she thought it was a good time it isn't? Maybe just the past few days she's been getting up late or having to get to work earlier or something along those lines? Those are just questions I would be asking myself... but of course the best thing to do is ask her.

I think my approach to my SO would be something along the lines of "I've been a little upset that we haven't been getting our morning talks in. Have you been really rushed in the mornings lately? Should we try for another time until things settle down? If you want to keep the same time we have now it would make me feel better if you could shoot me a quick text letting me know that you ran out of time this morning." I do not think you will be making an ass of yourself that way because it is not putting assumptions on your SO but just asking and wanting to come up with a solution.

I hope you two are able to communicate in a positive way and all goes well!

[Moon]

You know, I'm not sure your schedule is working as well as you think, scheduling in LDR's, when there are time differences are always tricky though. I see your relationship is new, and might be a lot for you to get used to, so I'll tell you about mine, and hope it helps you to be less upset.

I've been with my guy for almost 5 years, he lives in Finland and I live in the US, we have a 7 hour time difference. Our usual communication schedule is after I get home from work, at about 6pm, which is 1am for him. Most days, it works out just fine, but being an adult, with a normal business hour careers, there are plenty of days that he falls asleep before I get here. It normally happens at least once a week In the beginning it could be a little upsetting, and could even feel a bit inconsiderate, but as time passed, I realized the poor guy was simply too tired. He sacrifices a lot to make sure we get our chats in, and if there's some days where it doesn't happen, it's OK.

Granted, waiting in front of a computer while he's asleep is damn annoying, especially since I have to rush home everyday to do it, and I'll sit here thinking "Dammit, I could have stopped to grab dog food on the way home, now I have to go back out", but I've come to realize these things are just part of being LD. You will have days where your schedule does not work, don't take it personally, unless it is. Also, you need to talk about that schedule, maybe it's not working that well for her.

[xanzbarr]

My SO and I communicate on Skype mostly every night after I help Mom get to bed. However there are some nights he or I fall asleep and dont make it. we both try to at least leave a message that were tired and going to bed if that happens , but sometimes it just happens and we just dont get to talk to the other one that night. I just dont worry about it because we both want to chat and I know if I dont hear from him he just fell asleep. Also he has times that he has trouble with sleeping the night before. Things happen.... but I would be upset with being blown off a lot and would have to say something....

[Zephii]

Honestly some people are morning people. I see no problem with getting up early to Skype. But then, I used to get up at 5am to catch Obi on his lunch break. Go with what works for you.

Is there a way you can check her work timetable? I know for me, mine is posted online, and I could give the log-in to Obi so he could make sure. When I was in school, I'd send him a copy of my times for classes as well and he did the same for me. It's much easier to be able to look at the clock and go "He's late, probably traffic on the way home" than "OMG I'm stood up again, he's probably talking to another girl/watching TV/ignoring me"

So yeah, my suggestion is to find a way to better synch up - or you both just make the damn commitment to skype and that's that regardless of work.

For us, we never had a set time to skype, we kind of just rolled with it. But if your time to talk is limited, she does need to meet you half way and I'd be firm about expressing that.

[piratemama]

Yeah, most of us have been there - staring at the computer hoping to hear something. It's a part of the LDR. If you two had an agreement and she doesn't keep up her end, all you can do is talk about it to her. Explain how it is with you getting up early and waiting. Let her know how it makes you feel. I've been waiting on my SO to call or Skype before, when he had promised to do that very thing. However, he didn't remember promising. To him, it was more like, "if I can." It sounds like she should know, but she might not realize how bad it is for you when she doesn't call.

No one would want someone to agree to a date and then that person simply not show up. It's the same thing in a LDR. I know lots don't see it that way, but I do. Unless she has an emergency or lets you know, it's rude for her not to Skype when she's promised. An agreement is the same thing as a promise.

It's part of miscommunicating which goes on often in LDR's.

Hope you can get it worked out.