Need Advice: it's probably already finished

[C0deb1ue]

So I went out with this girl for 11 months who was a year ahead of me in her career and therefore had a year off while I was still working. At the end of the 11 months she left for New Zealand and we were very very strong.... However 10 weeks down the line she is basically saying the following things:

1. I am having an amazing time but you are not part of it... Therefore do I need you?

2. I can't see how you fit into my life here

I have no idea what to do, I don't even know that if she changed her mind I could even consider continuing anyway... It's only been 10 weeks....

[Chris516]

So I went out with this girl for 11 months who was a year ahead of me in her career and therefore had a year off while I was still working. At the end of the 11 months she left for New Zealand and we were very very strong.... However 10 weeks down the line she is basically saying the following things:

1. I am having an amazing time but you are not part of it... Therefore do I need you?

2. I can't see how you fit into my life here

I have no idea what to do, I don't even know that if she changed her mind I could even consider continuing anyway... It's only been 10 weeks....

I sort of know your angst. A college classmate of my mother's got married to a guy from New Zealand and moved there, twenty years ago. Maybe the woman fell in love with the country, like my mother's college classmate.

[rachel.guffey]

Communication. You need to voice these concerns to her. My SO and I had been together for 3 years before we became long-distance. After he moved I didn't know how to be alone. I turned to a blossoming friendship with another guy in order to fill the void, and I ended up cheating. We worked through it. I'm not saying this is the same thing at all, but it does sound like she is just trying to figure out if she wants to live a "single" life while still being in a committed relationship. It's hard to do. It's hard to stay committed to someone when they're thousands of miles away and you only see him/her every few months. I'm so glad that we decided to stick it out, because it's made our relationship so strong.

Ask her the serious question of whether or not she wants this relationship to work, and if she's willing to put in the effort. It takes two people being equally devoted to making it work. Good luck to you and I'm here to talk/help whenever you need it!

[squeeker]

I agree with rachel.guffey.. I think you need to have a talk with her... how often do you communicate? Because maybe you could try to communicate more.. though I know that London-New Zealand is a really big distance and the time difference must be enormous.. but you need to try.. and if you can't communicate regularly, maybe you could try sending her pictures of things you are doing and ask if she could do the same.. and videos even.. and stay connected despite the distance.

And if she's not willing to try that.. then maybe she is trying to say that she doesn't want to be in a relationship right now and feels like she wants to discover herself more in New Zealand as a single person, as much as that would hurt. You need to talk to her though to figure out what she is trying to say.