And Guest...Expectations for events

[differentcountries]

Sucking it up may work once, but will bring a lot of resentment for later occations. It is better to get to the bottom of the problem. It sounds to me that he maybe has a hard time adjusting to his introvertness in this extrovert world of ours. Do you know what parts of weddings he dislikes the most? Are there any parts that are ok with? Does he know any of the introvert party tricks, like taking extra pauses in the toilet, pretending you are an actor when talking to strangers, using ear plugs when the sounds become too much, taking time to process things afterwords alone etc? A well informed introvert will know how to use extrovert traits while still taking care of himself /herself. I am introvert and I can still do most things an extrovert can, just in a slightly different manner. Just taking small breaks gives me headspace. If you work with him to understand his point of view (which I don't think you really do since you refer to it as a small favour), and might even understand more of him than he does himself (lots of girlfriend points!), you stand a better chance of getting what you want.

[ethelynn]

They have only met on a few family occasions, he is my mother's Godson. They got along really well at the family gatherings but, he doesn't think he should go because he isn't friends with him. That sentiment feels selfish, as my partner I thought he'd go because it was something that matters to me.

Does he know most of the people coming there?

How about ask him to come for the long weekend with you and have the wedding as one part of it? It might help to focus on you two being together for the weekend as opposed to him having to be there because of the wedding.

[DNC]

Does he know most of the people coming there?

How about ask him to come for the long weekend with you and have the wedding as one part of it? It might help to focus on you two being together for the weekend as opposed to him having to be there because of the wedding.

He will know the same amount of people at the wedding that I will know. The groom's family, my brother and wife and my parents. It wouldn't be a situation where he has no one and I knew everyone.

In regards to the long weekend, that was how I initially phrased it. We would take an extended weekend, spend one day with the wedding festivities and the other days doing things around the area. We spoke about this again last night. I tried to explain to him my perspective, how much I missed the ease of sharing time together and my need for a sense of normalcy in this new relationship structure.

I know my partner better than anyone, I'm his support network and closest friend. Over the past nine years, I have been the person that helped him pick up the pieces and rebuild. I understand that he is shy and reserved and it takes time to adjust to different social settings. However, the more he talked about the wedding last night, I realized it isn't about the wedding at all.

[lyonsgirl]

I struggle with the introvert vs extrovert debate, especially in situations like this.

Maybe how I think of them is different than everyone else? My husband is an introvert, I am an extrovert. The difference, IMO, between the two is not that my husband doesn't like meeting new people, but that it's physically and emotionally draining for him to be in large groups where he is expected to participate (parties are a great example). On the other hand, I love those situations. I thrive in them - and I need to get into a place like that to keep me happy. I'm just as happy sitting at home and reading a book, but being around loads of people really "recharges my batteries", so to speak. For him to recharge, he'd prefer to stay in and Netflix/game/read/knit (I've seen him try to do 3 of those 4 at once, it's ridiculous!).

I wouldn't call all shy people introverts, nor would I call all leaders/public speakers extroverts.

OP: I hope you get this resolved, I'd be sad if my man didn't want to come to a wedding with me.

[Alsfia]

I struggle with the introvert vs extrovert debate, especially in situations like this.

Maybe how I think of them is different than everyone else? My husband is an introvert, I am an extrovert. The difference, IMO, between the two is not that my husband doesn't like meeting new people, but that it's physically and emotionally draining for him to be in large groups where he is expected to participate (parties are a great example). On the other hand, I love those situations. I thrive in them - and I need to get into a place like that to keep me happy. I'm just as happy sitting at home and reading a book, but being around loads of people really "recharges my batteries", so to speak. For him to recharge, he'd prefer to stay in and Netflix/game/read/knit (I've seen him try to do 3 of those 4 at once, it's ridiculous!).

I wouldn't call all shy people introverts, nor would I call all leaders/public speakers extroverts.

OP: I hope you get this resolved, I'd be sad if my man didn't want to come to a wedding with me.

Agree with the points of being introvert/extrovert. While both my SO and I are quite introverted, I'm more so and I get rather cranky and tired if I have to spend more than a couple hours in a group of three or more, this includes my two (yes, I count my number of friends to two) friends and family. That said, I would probably go to the wedding, but I would've very hesitant with the traveling and also I would feel like I would be a bother and just tagging along without anyone really wanting me there. I don't know your SO, but it might be an angle worth keeping in mind.

[Malaga]

Unless there are objective reasons that prevent him from going with you (work schedule, lack of money etc.) I see this as more of a commitment issue. You have been on and off for 9 years; maybe he sees going to a wedding with you and your whole family as being thrusted into a relationship phase he's not (yet) comfortable with. Like making it more official than he feels comfortable with?
I had an on and off relationship of 8 years and dreaded going to such functions together. At the very least to avoid questions from nosey aunties about when is it our turn. Those comments are annoying at the best of times, but when you're in an 'on and off' relationship, they can be properly suffocating. Weddings are all about relationships, not just the bride and groom's but the guests too are under the magnifying glass. Maybe he's uncomfortable with that.