Sleeping arrangements (im sorry this is long :/)

Hey everyone,

So i haven't posted anything lately, but im pleased to say that my SO and I are finally able to make some plans for our next visit!

Hopefully this May we will reunite for a week of two! I am very excited.
I am really looking forward to seeing him again, but this is the first time he will be meeting my family. For our first visit I flew to him and met his family. Thy were all so nice and they accepted me right away. However, my family is almost the polar opposite. When I told my mom about the boy I was falling for who lived across the country, she was very skeptical. And my sister, she just straight rejected it and refused (and still refuses) to talk to me about it...but she has no problem saying things about it to her friends...
And my step dad, well when i bought my plane ticket he decided that right then and there I was an adult and that he wanted no part in the matter what so ever. Oddly enough my brother has been the only one in my immediate family that has bee accepting of the situation (and he lives in Germany!).

So with this visit, I was really hoping that my SO would be able to stay at my house, in order to save some money by foregoing a hotel room. My mom has since warmed to the idea, but my sister and stepfather still want no part in the matter. It sucks, but I know that I cant force this on them, especially since we all live together.

The plan was that my SO could sleep in my room, and I would bunk with my sister for the nights that he and I are in town. My mom is very religious and does not want us sharing a bed under her roof, which again, I think is okay because we need to respect my parents home. However, my sister is protesting the whole affair, and my stepfather keeps saying "youre an adult, do whatever you want. just leave me out of it."

So i guess what im getting at with this long post, is that I feel bad that my SO will have to stay in a hotel while hes is here visiting :/
Is there any advice about how to handle these feelings, and the feelings my SO is having about my family already not liking him?
In a perfect world I would just live in a castle with 50 bajillion rooms, and every one would be happy

[Blaine]

Sometimes you gotta' take what you can get. I'll be visiting my SO next month and the only way it happened is because I decided to spend the $500+ for hotel. It sucks, I wish I didn't have to but that's just how things go sometimes. My SO's mom hates me and probably wants to wring my neck so I think I'd rather stay in a hotel anyway. Don't get hung up on the little things, focus on the good and how happy you'll be when you are able to spend time together with him.

[blueorchid1]

Don't get hung up on the little things, focus on the good and how happy you'll be when you are able to spend time together with him.

Yeah, I hear you. I agree, that we shouldn't get hung up on the little things. I just wish (as im sure everyone in an LDR wishes) that things were easier, or that they would go a little more smoothly sometimes. Another thing that I didnt mention before is that I may have to work or go to school while my SO visits...when we had out first visit back in December/January I used all of my time off to go see him. I am hoping I can swing a few extra days off, but there are no guarantees :/

I know that I am not the first, nor will i be the last person in a long distance relationship to experience these things. And yeah, this will most definitely be a learning experience.

Any chance there is a magic potion I could use to make my family instantaneously love him as much as i do?

[Blaine]

Any chance there is a magic potion I could use to make my family instantaneously love him as much as i do?

I'll let you know if I find one.

[lovefrom2800milesaway]

As soon as I started reading this post, it sounded familiar to me. This sounds EXACTLY like my situation when I first met my SO. When I visited him, his family warmed up to me and they consider me one of their own. However, being from an Asian family, you can imagine how my family handled the situation.. especially with the fact that we're both from very different cultural backgrounds. But anyways..

The first time we met, my SO flew up here to meet me. We're both students and work part time jobs, so we don't have lots of money to spare. To help him save some money, I suggested that he stay with me at my parents house. I talked to my parents about it and my mom was hesitant about the idea, but agreed. My dad also said to leave him out of it basically. It was also planned that I would sleep in my sister's room for the duration of his visit as my parents are also pretty strict on not sleeping in the same bed till after marriage. I respected my mom's wishes as it was her house after all.

Every night, we would get home and go to bed around 1 AM. However, I slept on my sister's floor and it wasn't the comfiest, so it took me some time to fall asleep. My mom would wake up every day around 3 AM and come check up on us just to be sure that we weren't in the same bed. One morning, I got up around 5 AM because my sleeping arrangements were very uncomfy and slept in his bed, except I had my head to his feet so we were sleeping opposite. My mom still freaked out about it so we never tried doing that again.

Needless to say, after that first visit, my boyfriend doesn't want to stay in my parents' house if they're going to be around. It just got awkward and uncomfortable. It's important that he gets to meet your family, but I don't think you should feel bad about him wanting/having to stay at a hotel. The second time my SO came to visit me, he stayed at a hotel and I found that so much more liberating. There weren't any parents around to say that we couldn't even lay in a bed together or just cuddle. We also didn`t have to worry about all the negative energy of my parents.

[Photonut]

I'm gonna play devil's advocate here and say that it might be better to splurge for a hotel room instead of making an awkward situation by having him stay in your house. If your sister and step dad are so negative about your SO it might create a lot of unnecessary tension. Maybe you could even bunk with him, since your step dad thinks of you as an adult now ;D

[TaraMarie]

Your step dad doesn't sound opposed. He sounds like he wants to stay out of it. So let him. With him out of the picture the only one you have to worry about is your mom, and she has already said yes. If your sister doesn't want to share a room, sleep on the couch! I don't see how your sister has anything to say about it at all!

[blueorchid1]

As soon as I started reading this post, it sounded familiar to me. This sounds EXACTLY like my situation when I first met my SO. When I visited him, his family warmed up to me and they consider me one of their own. However, being from an Asian family, you can imagine how my family handled the situation.. especially with the fact that we're both from very different cultural backgrounds. But anyways..

The first time we met, my SO flew up here to meet me. We're both students and work part time jobs, so we don't have lots of money to spare. To help him save some money, I suggested that he stay with me at my parents house. I talked to my parents about it and my mom was hesitant about the idea, but agreed. My dad also said to leave him out of it basically. It was also planned that I would sleep in my sister's room for the duration of his visit as my parents are also pretty strict on not sleeping in the same bed till after marriage. I respected my mom's wishes as it was her house after all.

Every night, we would get home and go to bed around 1 AM. However, I slept on my sister's floor and it wasn't the comfiest, so it took me some time to fall asleep. My mom would wake up every day around 3 AM and come check up on us just to be sure that we weren't in the same bed. One morning, I got up around 5 AM because my sleeping arrangements were very uncomfy and slept in his bed, except I had my head to his feet so we were sleeping opposite. My mom still freaked out about it so we never tried doing that again.

Needless to say, after that first visit, my boyfriend doesn't want to stay in my parents' house if they're going to be around. It just got awkward and uncomfortable. It's important that he gets to meet your family, but I don't think you should feel bad about him wanting/having to stay at a hotel. The second time my SO came to visit me, he stayed at a hotel and I found that so much more liberating. There weren't any parents around to say that we couldn't even lay in a bed together or just cuddle. We also didn`t have to worry about all the negative energy of my parents.

See this is why i love this site!
it is so crazy how similar our situations are/could possibly be! I am trying not to feel bad because i know that we will have so much fun being bale to just hang out on our own when we want to. However, the hardest part is trying to get my SO to see it the same way. He tends to be a sort of pessimist/ realist, and just this once i find myself wishing that he could match my optimism in this situation.

I know that once he gets here and my family meets him it will get slightly better, i mean they can finally put a face to the name. But my SO sometimes complains about how he thinks its stupid that my family has "formulated their opinions" about him without ever having met him....but i keep trying to help him realize that my family is just worried about me because im the baby of the family and they don't want me to get hurt.
he keeps saying "we will just have to see how it goes when i get there"
but im nervous that he will come here with all his walls up and that he wont be able to be the warm, loving, and caring man i know him to be...

[blueorchid1]

TaraMarie: Unfortunately, my sister is the oldest (24) and she just recently moved home.
She is very close with my mother and my mom always tries her best to make my sisters opinion heard. I am not sure if you have seen my older posts, but my sister has been a really hard sell for practically my entire relationship.
At one point, while i was on skype with my SO my sister walked into my room, without knocking, and began a rant about how she thinks hes a kidnapper, or rapist, or murderer, so on and so forth. Before i could stop her, she stormed out and i was left with damage control because my SO had heard everything she said....
He is most worried about my sister because of the way she reacted. he just wants her to see how happy he makes me. But i know that he cant try to always please her because its not her relationship. its ours...I am just worried that he isn't going to be himself when he gets here :/

[TaraMarie]

TaraMarie: Unfortunately, my sister is the oldest (24) and she just recently moved home.
She is very close with my mother and my mom always tries her best to make my sisters opinion heard. I am not sure if you have seen my older posts, but my sister has been a really hard sell for practically my entire relationship.
At one point, while i was on skype with my SO my sister walked into my room, without knocking, and began a rant about how she thinks hes a kidnapper, or rapist, or murderer, so on and so forth. Before i could stop her, she stormed out and i was left with damage control because my SO had heard everything she said....
He is most worried about my sister because of the way she reacted. he just wants her to see how happy he makes me. But i know that he cant try to always please her because its not her relationship. its ours...I am just worried that he isn't going to be himself when he gets here :/

I haven't read any prior posts, but I understand because my sister behaves that way as well! It's a shame your mom enables her to behave that way. I wish I had some advice then....but I don't. Good luck to you.

[blueorchid1]

thanks :/ it sucks that its such a tough sell ha

But! on the flip side, I have read you posts about possibly closing the distance and i am so happy for you! I hope that it all work out for both you and your SO

[TaraMarie]

thanks :/ it sucks that its such a tough sell ha

But! on the flip side, I have read you posts about possibly closing the distance and i am so happy for you! I hope that it all work out for both you and your SO

Thank you. I hope so too. Because this sucks!

[Blaine]

But my SO sometimes complains about how he thinks its stupid that my family has "formulated their opinions" about him without ever having met him....but i keep trying to help him realize that my family is just worried about me because im the baby of the family and they don't want me to get hurt.

Oh, don't they all! My SO's mom is convinced that I'm a 45 year old man who specializes in sex trafficking and has evil plans to sell her son off to some 3rd world country - AND she has threatened to call Dr. Phil on me. She has never met nor spoken to me and she has formulated all these "opinions" about me. Never mind the fact that I'm more educated than her, I have a college degree, legit work experience and already make hefty contributions to my 401k when she has never even had a checking account...but you know, old sex trafficking man..same thing, right?

[blueorchid1]

Oh, don't they all! My SO's mom is convinced that I'm a 45 year old man who specializes in sex trafficking and has evil plans to sell her son off to some 3rd world country - AND she has threatened to call Dr. Phil on me. She has never met nor spoken to me and she has formulated all these "opinions" about me. Never mind the fact that I'm more educated than her, I have a college degree, legit work experience and already make hefty contributions to my 401k when she has never even had a checking account...but you know, old sex trafficking man..same thing, right?

Ha yeah, i hear ya!
I just wish there was a way for my SO not to feel so crummy about how my family has reacted. He is so stuck on how everyone one else gets to be with their significant other.
Just today he told me he "feels like the distance is getting so much worse for [him] as the time passes."

Im not really worried about our relationship because i know he loves me very much, and our relationship is strong....but how can i help him with this? How can i help him be more positive about the distance?

I know that distance isnt ideal, but i feel like 1-2 times per week he gets really upset about it, and it is getting hard for me to stay positive about it so much. I mean i am there for him, and he is there for me when i need him but I feel like this has been so hard for him. I dont want to just tell him to get over it, and i want him to know that I love him and that I care about his feelings, but i believe there comes a time when the groveling needs to stop and the person needs to recognize what they have, and how much they have to offer :/

sorry, i got a little off topic with that one...

[differentcountries]

you may try to find out what specificly it is about the distance that bugs him to much. With me, it took a while before I realized the lack of detailed planning was eating up my so (because we did not yet have a date for our next visit).