Selfish Friend Troubles

[eeelaynuh]

So, if you've read my last post, then you'd know it took me 7 years to nab the man of my dreams, but I did it. And I'm the happiest I've ever been! Our relationship, outside of the annoying distance is so perfect!

HOWEVER,

My best friend of 11 years has caused a rift. Not between me and my man, per se, let me tell you the story.....

My friend, Patrick, and I have been friends since we were 12, we are 23 now. He's the reason I moved from northern nevada/california area to the central coast. anyway, we've been through a lot together and are usually able to rebound, but recently I think we are done.

a little bit of backstory: one night he was at a concert downtown, and I was going to get off early. He invited me to meet him down there, so I did, only to wait 45 minutes and spend $12 at a bar that I hate, only to meet him and him to say he doesn't want to hang out. FURIOUS that I was stood up and blown off (this hasn't been the first time), I invited him to come over so we could talk about it. I asked him to treat me with better respect and give me the decency to let me know that he doesn't want to hang out. we've been friends long enough, i wouldn't take it personally. He agreed to treat me better, however that conversation was the last I spoke to him for a month and a half.

It was the longest month and a half of my life. Every day Matt (my SO) and I would talk and I'd eventually end up in tears, wondering what I'd done to my best friend to be treated like this. FINALLY one day, I received a response to a snapchat i'd sent patrick (since he wasn't responding to my texts) over three weeks ago. It was a video message and he said AND I QUOTE, "Elaina, I'm really happy for you and Matt and glad you are so happy, but because I've been single for the past 3 years I can't be happy for you." ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!

How selfish?! Anyway, we got into a large text fight about it, where I called him out for being jealous and asked jim why instead of waiting 4 month into mine and matt's relationship why he's just now saying this. He replied by comparing my current boyfriend with his ex boyfriend, he also refused that he was jealous. We went around and around, and he stopped talking to me. He was "hurt" that the day before he contacted me I was trying to take steps to get over him and move on by blocking him from facebook. Yet he couldn't comprehend any hurt that I felt for the month and a half he made it clear he wanted nothing to do with me.

I completely understand where he's coming from and I've expressed that to him, but he approached this all wrong.

any advice on how to get over this? The last message I sent to him, was "i hope this means your ready to be friends" but I guess not. Has this happened to anyone when you fell in love with your soulmate? help me! I'm so sad!

[Raegan]

There's always a jealous friend. And either the friendship with the jealous friend doesn't last or your relationship doesn't. It's hard but eventually you gotta let go, at least until he realizes his mistakes.

[blueorchid1]

I'm sorry thatbyoubhave to go through that :/
I had something similar to that happen to me a few years ago. I got into a relationship and my best friend of 3 years up and decides that she wants nothin by to do with me because she said ibwas being selfish. To this day I don't understand why she did that to pur friendship :/

But I do agree with Raegan. There will always be someone who gets upset over your relationship. And it is so unfortuneate that this someone is your best friend :/
But maybe all he needs is time. Or maybe he just needs to see and admit to himself that his actions are making him look very jealous. It isn't your fault that he is single and maybe he is upset that you aren't playing into his pity party.
Give him his space, I'm not saying act like his friendship meant nothing, but use this time to reconnect with other things you may not do as often. Find things to pass the time, and now that you have your SO focus on things the two of you can do together.
On the other hand, sometimes friendships do just run their course, although I am like you in that I try very hard to maintain my friendships even if my friend is being a party pooper. I rely hope that Patrick will come around because chances are he too misses you terribly and if he finds someone he cares about then you may just be the first person he wants to tell.


I'm not going to tell you not to feel hurt because I've been there. And it hurts, badly. But be strong, and know that if you ever wanna talk about it you can PM me. I hope it all works out for you :/

[Heavenly_Love12]

I'm sorry you're going through this! I have gone through a similar situation too. My best friend Rachel and I are no longer close because my SO and I started dating again and she a.) didn't like that I "ditched her" to hang out with my SO when I was home (even though I was the one who contacted her while I was home to try and set up a time/day for us to hangout and she wasn't willing to hangout before or after work and had plans on her days off) and b.) she doesn't like my SO for no good reason, she's told me the reasons she doesn't like him and it's just jealousy. Sadly, there will always be people who are jealous of others relationships, I've been there myself but never to where I dropped friendships.

I know it's hard but I think that you should give this a rest for a bit. Rachel texted me the day after my birthday in December to ask how it was and we ended up chatting. It ended that she went off saying that she never liked that I joined the Air Force, she doesn't like my SO, and felt like I ditched her when I was home for him. He was the only person who made an effort to see me when I was home! I contacted everyone else and they were all too busy to see me any time in 2 weeks! I texted her on Christmas and haven't contacted her since. I do miss being close with her, we have been friends for almost 10 years, but I don't want to have toxicity in my life and think it's best to give it a break for a bit longer. You could try the same. I think that true friends come around in time.

[eeelaynuh]

Wow, thank you so much you guys!

It really means a lot to me to hear your similar situations. At this point I'm too scorned to make an attempt at talking to him, and I honestly think he's too proud to contact me, so i'll wait a while and check back in on him.

Jealousy is a nasty thing! And it sucks, but there's no way I'm going to let anyone get in between me and my SO. We are perfect, and we are going to spend the rest of our lives together. I can definitely live without the nonsupporters! (: Thank you so much you guys!

[differentcountries]

he sounds a bit dramatic. but actually you do to, with you blocking him on facebook just because you have a hard time getting along (the only one I ever blocked on fb was a stranger who very insistently wanted to be my boyfriend). Cut the both of you some slack. You are sensitive because you want everybody to instantly fall for your wonderful so. He is afraid to loose the closeness you have enjoyed, as well as perhaps jealous and wondering why he does not meet someone himself. Make a project out of getting the two of them to get to know each other. Perhaps he will like your so, too, and see that nothing will be taken away from him.

[eeelaynuh]

he sounds a bit dramatic. but actually you do to, with you blocking him on facebook just because you have a hard time getting along (the only one I ever blocked on fb was a stranger who very insistently wanted to be my boyfriend). Cut the both of you some slack. You are sensitive because you want everybody to instantly fall for your wonderful so. He is afraid to loose the closeness you have enjoyed, as well as perhaps jealous and wondering why he does not meet someone himself. Make a project out of getting the two of them to get to know each other. Perhaps he will like your so, too, and see that nothing will be taken away from him.

My SO wants absolutely nothing to do with him. He doesn't put up with drama or false judgements or people talking badly about him he doesn't know. I want to take a page out of his book and not care so much.

And I blocked him on facebook for a clean break. How else do you get over someone and move on if you keep seeing their nasty posts talking shit about you? i feel mature about just removing myself from his drama, instead of playing into it like he wants. he's made himself very clear that he wants nothing to do with me because of my boyfirend. and at the time of my blocking, i had no idea it was even about my boyfriend. he just didn't want to be my friend because i asked for respect. I am at a point in my life where i only keep people around worth keeping, and those are the ones that treat me how i deserve. he did not, so he got the boot.

[Chris516]

There's always a jealous friend. And either the friendship with the jealous friend doesn't last or your relationship doesn't. It's hard but eventually you gotta let go, at least until he realizes his mistakes.

That is so true!!!

[differentcountries]

And I blocked him on facebook for a clean break. How else do you get over someone and move on if you keep seeing their nasty posts talking shit about you?

I just got the impression you were not talking to each other at that point, maybe I misunderstood how things developed. I never had (ex)friends posting nasty stuff online thank god, it sounds awful. I guess sometimes it can be too late to patch up.

[Blaine]

Having best friends can always lead to sticky situations. That's why my best friend has been my dog for the past 14 years (and counting). She's been pretty cool with all my life decisions!