SO grandma not doing well, what can I do?

[COgrl789]

My SO's grandma is not doing well and she could be passing from any day to any minute. She's been up and down for the past few weeks but it seems like she is now near.

When the doctor's first told his family that she had days to weeks to live my bf started to be really distant. Then she got a bit better and he started to talk to me and told me that he just didn't want to talk to anyone, esp. about his grandma because the thought of it just made him want to cry. Which I understood and gave him some space, but he said he didn't want me to stop talking to him. So for the next week, he called everyday and spent it talking to me. He had to take a quick trip for a wedding and was talking to me everyday. Then he got back home and he didn't call or text me to let me know that he got back. Which he always did. I didn't hear from him for the next 2 days, until today when I contacted him. I figured something was wrong and assumed that it had to do with his grandma.

He texted me back and tells me that she is not expected to live through the night. And changed the subject. I understood, and said i was sorry to hear that. We briefly discussed just random things, but that was it. I've told him before and several times that if he needed anything to let me know...

So my question is what can I do? Do i give him space and leave him alone for a few days? And how can i comfort him from so far away? Any suggestions??

[LadyMarchHare]

Grief is a crazy thing and I'm sorry he's hurting and ultimately causing your hurt from his own suffering and uncertainty.

If he asked you to not stop contacting him, then don't stop. He may not want to talk, but your words may comfort him more than you know. Try texting him encouraging quotes (you can always google some) or anything positive. If you think he'd stand it, be a little silly, even, just be careful what's said so you don't step on toes just trying to make him feel better. If you do nothing more than text him I think he'd still know you care enough to do that and once he's able to talk he'll come around and either cry on your shoulder or you can help him move on. If he ever talks about it when she dies, tell him that she isn't dead, but that so long as his family and himself think of her and remember her, she's still living because she lives on through them.

[Silviar]

Grief is difficult. I would give him space and try to let him approach you first, but I would suggest sending him a loving affirmation once a day if he doesn't send anything to you. Just something simple. Even though you say it a lot, you can never hear it enough when death is prescient in your life. Those words will mean the world to him, even if he's having problems responding back...he'll hear.

[Tanja]

I know what he's going through, my nana passed away a little over a year ago and my family and I waited for it for days. It was awful, even though she wasn't concious anymore (she had knee surgery and her heart started failing because of it and she never woke up from the anesthesia) but it was so hard. She even said to us before the surgery that she's going to die now but none of us believed her cause she'd been saying that for years whenever there was something little wrong with her. It was such a painful time for all of my family since everyone loved her so much.

If your SO doesn't wanna talk to you don't force him - just let him know you'll be there even if you wouldn't say a word to each other. It helps knowing that there's someone you can rely on and who's gonna be available to talk whenever you need... The positive texting might work for him but when I was in his situation I didn't want any encouraging words since the thought of trying to stay happy and positive when she was dying felt too awful and there wasn't anything positive about it no matter what perspective you looked at it from.

[COgrl789]

Well, took some of your advices and he does respond when I contact him, he even called and just talked about random things. His grandmother has passed yet, but we know it will be soon. When he called he didn't seem all that stressed about it and was joking and laughing... so i dunno he may be doing a good job hiding it...

We do have things to discuss but i dunno whether this is the time to tell him or discuss it...

[JoMarie]

I wouldn't bring up anything too serious during this time. It seems to me like he has a hard enough time dealing with whats already on his plate.

[Mio]

I'm sorry, hope everything goes good with them. You should support him in the way he wants to be supported, if he wants space, give him space, or if he wants to spend the time with you, then do. Best wishes!

[paulawriteslove]

The best advice I can give you is to be there for you SO. Just listen and be comforting. Best of luck during this tough time.