really struggling and its only been 3 weeks.

[aidanc90]

Hi everyone,

my SO is currently in Australia working for a cruise company. she left on the 31st January and wont be returning until July 30th. Neither of us had been in a long distance relationship before so we knew it was going to be hard as we would both be dealing with brand new emotions. I knew she was going to find it difficult to get into contact as she spends very little time on the mainland and is instead cruising around some of the smaller islands on the coast but since she has left we have only managed to skype about 4 or 5 times and even then some of them have only been for a short period of time. i know internet is expensive on the cruise ships but i cant help but think that im putting a lot of effort into making this relationship work, staying up early/late and making an effort to try and contact her whereas she cant even find the time to skype me she manages to send messages on viber some days but its not the same. we havent spoken in 3 days now.

I feel bad saying anything to her because i know shes rushed off her feet out there and have had messages saying shes really struggling being away from home and is not enjoying it.

im finding it really difficult going from seeing and speaking to each other every day to sometimes having no contact at all and barely speaking. i find myself getting angry and upset and sometimes even wondering why im feeling so lonely and upset yet shes having the time of her life and not even thinking about me. I love her and want to make this work more than anything but its only been 3 weeks since she left and theres still another 5 months of feeling like this.

im trying to be strong but this is the hardest thing ive ever done.

[lyonsgirl]

You need to get out of your house. Do new things. Stop dwelling on the fact you aren't talking 24/7 like you were before.

[vicks5724]

Yeah I can understand that pain of not knowing whether the person still cares and it can become one sided. I can relate in the sense of the worry, sadness and sometimes anger. My advice to you is keep yourself busy with other things as much as possible and maybe have a chat with her about how you feel. As keeping it to yourself she won't know how you feel, yes there is the concern she will wonder why your saying and acting certain ways. But in the long run being honest to her will help I think. You don't have to take my word for it though, I don't know your situation completely.

[squeeker]

Aww I feel for you that you can't be in contact every day. As lyonsgirl said, I think you need to get out and find things to do...so you aren't waiting around all the time to talk to her.. but can she let you know which times she is free to talk? Because then you can maybe make plans around those times so you are available and then you also have adventures to talk to her about, even if it's just talking about something you saw on a walk or something some coworkers or friends said. But do something and relax.. she's probably trying to balance out talking to you and focusing on her work and making some friends so the months go by smoother and with less stress. But trust her and communicate when you can.. but really I think the best thing here would be to find some more things you can do when you can't talk to her.. even find a video series to watch on YouTube or read a series of books or something like that that will take you some time. If her schedule is not always planned ahead then try to find things to do that can be flexible so you are able to move things around if she is able to talk when she otherwise might not have been.. or have things to do if she has to do something when she thought she was free.

Communicate and plan for time to talk, and find things to keep you busy when you can't talk! That's my advice in a sentence. Oh and stay strong of course, it's only a few months away!

[differentcountries]

Do yourself a favour and stop feeling sorry for yourself just because you make an effort. You love her - that is why you do it. It is a worthy cause! And she on her side, on this moving job with its expensive internet, is busy working long hours and there is a perfectly logical explanation as to why she is less available. You know all this, and still you feel hurt. You look for someone to blame for your sadness and pain, and there she is. Don't fight the pain. All of us have to learn how to live with the little blue monster inside (those who close the distance often beome long distance with close family, so sometimes it never ends).

I agee with the other postes saying you need to get a life. And, I might add, get some sleep... Twisting your hours just to have a little chat with her deprives you of your daily rythm and the melatonin you need to regulate mood.

If you don't mind me bringing forth some suggestions (do with them as you will): When I was less able to talk to my boyfriend and him to me, I was fond of sending him videos of myself talking or singing. I found endless joy in knowing when he got online, he would find them and find a little piece of me installed in those few minutes recorded. I also liked writing him letters and getting him gifts - on a moving boat that might me diffcult, but you can still send mails and make her stuff online, perhaps her own clip board where you put love notes for her? Unless she actively did something to upset you, it is best to control you own mood a bit, so that you don't send her the wrong signals and start a snowballing process you don't want.