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    #1

    Really unsure

    A lot of things have happened recently, and I am finding it really hard to cope. James has got a part time job, so he is working most weekends, so its hard to see each other. And now his Dad is really ill, and will get worse in the next few months.

    It is putting a huge strain on our relationship, and I know there is nothing that can be done about it, but its really hard. Me and James just don't know what to do.
    If we split up, that will be it forever, we won't go back to each other. But staying together is even harder, because we don't know when we will see each other.

    I can't walk away from James, I love him more than anything, he completes me. I don't want to live without him.

    I really don't know what to do, I am cracking already and so is James. I am so afraid there will come a time when we both will just give up.

    Has anyone else experienced this before? How do I cope? or do I just learn to deal with it?

    Lauren
    Tags: None
    #2
    Can he use the money from his part time job for visits?
    I made love to him only twice, she thought and looked at the man laying asleep beside her. And yet still it is as if we have been together forever, as if he has always known my life, my soul, my body, my light, my pain
    - Paulo Coelho, "Eleven minutes"



    "Bız yüzyılın aşkı vardır" - We have dated since Sept. 2013. To see our full story, click here https://members.lovingfromadistance....and-our-visits

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      #3
      Well yes, but he will need to look after his Dad so he won't be able to visit.

      Lauren

      Comment

        #4
        Can you come to him?
        I made love to him only twice, she thought and looked at the man laying asleep beside her. And yet still it is as if we have been together forever, as if he has always known my life, my soul, my body, my light, my pain
        - Paulo Coelho, "Eleven minutes"



        "Bız yüzyılın aşkı vardır" - We have dated since Sept. 2013. To see our full story, click here https://members.lovingfromadistance....and-our-visits

        Comment

          #5
          Yes I have mentioned me going to his, but he says it wouldn't be fair on me because he might have to look after his dad a lot. Its just a case of waiting to see what happens with his dad, and how quickly things are going to get worse.

          Lauren

          Comment

            #6
            Life is not fair... But I find it strange that he doesn't offer you to come be with him, I am sure you can help out and also be there for him.
            I made love to him only twice, she thought and looked at the man laying asleep beside her. And yet still it is as if we have been together forever, as if he has always known my life, my soul, my body, my light, my pain
            - Paulo Coelho, "Eleven minutes"



            "Bız yüzyılın aşkı vardır" - We have dated since Sept. 2013. To see our full story, click here https://members.lovingfromadistance....and-our-visits

            Comment

              #7
              I just don't know right now.

              Lauren

              Comment

                #8
                First, I'm so sorry that your SOs father is so ill! I'm sure that is adding stress to him and you as well. I'm sure it's difficult but would it make either of you happy to break up? If you did end, why would that be it? My SO and I ended back in 2010 and ended up being brought back together so you can't know that would be the end especially if you end due to hard times right now. I think you can make it, you may just need to be flexible and understanding. It sounds like your SO could really use you and your support right now too.
                Our love story:
                Attended the same high school 2004-2007
                Dated CD: June 2009-July 2010
                Reconnected: August 2012
                Began dating LD: November 2012
                Engaged! March 2014
                Closing the distance: December 2015

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                  #9
                  We have broken up before and we said that this would be the last time and if it didn't work out then we would face that. We wouldn't break up because we don't want to be with each other, it would be because we couldn't handle it anymore. Never seeing each other isn't a relationship, and it wouldn't help our relationship at all. I don't think we would get back together because we would be too scared in case it didn't work out again. It would take a lot for me to walk away from James, but could it be for the best?

                  Comment

                    #10
                    He is in a new phase of his life. He sounds like he wants to protect you from it. That may be a kind thought, but he also shuts you out.
                    I made love to him only twice, she thought and looked at the man laying asleep beside her. And yet still it is as if we have been together forever, as if he has always known my life, my soul, my body, my light, my pain
                    - Paulo Coelho, "Eleven minutes"



                    "Bız yüzyılın aşkı vardır" - We have dated since Sept. 2013. To see our full story, click here https://members.lovingfromadistance....and-our-visits

                    Comment

                      #11
                      Sounds like a rough position... If you want to stay with him, it seems like to me one of the best options is to visit him anyway, and help take care of the dad. That way you can support him and still be with him. If that's not an option, I think it's only going to be harder for the next few months while the dad gets more ill. The best you'd be able to do is stay there for James and listen to him.

                      If the both of you are willing to work through the rough patch, then you will get past it no matter what.

                      Comment

                        #12
                        Sorry to hear about your situation. I have not been through anything similar with my SO but have with my friend from home. Her mum has become really ill recently and we have drifted slightly, as she goes home a lot and then when she isn't home she just wants to sort of be by herself, because she is having a rough time, I think she's just a bit depressed actually. So how I cope is that although I'm not sure when I'll see her is to think how good our times are together and realise that she's having a rough time, and assure her that I'm here for her. It sounds like you really care about each other, I don't think you should break up, well I don't know but it doesn't sound to me like you're done, especially since you said you'd never get back together if you did - the only thing I can recommend is that you are there for him during this time. I don't think breaking up is the answer... it sounds like you really love him. Obviously your relationship is going to be under a lot of pressure because of what you have described. I think the best thing you can do is express that you are willing, if you are willing that is, to help him out and be there for him, and will be there for him, and will go down to see him no matter what. Maybe then you can know when you will see each other. He might be saying about you not going down because he is scared himself, so just try to make him realise that you understand or if you dont understand you're there for him. All I know is is that if you love each other you can work through this rough patch, at least it's not real problems with you two its more just the circumstances. Things will get better, hang on in there. Hope you feel better.

                        Comment

                          #13
                          There is many couples on here who don't know when they will see each other again and I know it is hard (am following one on tumblr, sending love towards your way kitty!), but what you have to decide is if this person is worth it.

                          Yes, it is going to be tough not to see each other, I'm not gonna lie about that. Yes, you will miss one another.
                          But at the same time you won't disappear from each other's lives! You can call each other, send emails, send gifts, video chat through skype, talk through teamspeak, facbeook chat, or whatever you want to use for it.

                          We're all in this together! Don't throw a good relationship away over some hardships. He is going to be busy, busier than you are used to, but that's not the end. You will have to get creative. Send emails once a week, send letters, ... there is a lot of things you can do to stay connected.

                          And if you are able to visit him at some point, go for it! Of course he doesn't want you to spend money on a visit, when he might be busy, but it all depends on what you wanna do. I once visited my ex for a 3 day weekend and the only time I got to see him was in the night and it was still worth it.

                          Just go with your gut. Don't give up yet!
                          Last edited by snow; February 21, 2014, 07:43 PM.

                          Relationship began: 05/22/2012
                          First Met: 03/21/2013 - 03/30/2013
                          Second Visit: 06/06/2013 - 08/21/2013 ~ Proposal: 07/06/2013 ♥
                          Third Visit: 10/09/2013 - 01/08/2013
                          Closed the distance: 11/20/2014 ♥
                          Married: 1/24/2015
                          Became Resident: 9/14/2015

                          Comment

                            #14
                            I agree - don't give up yet. Sometimes we feel that a burden is too heavy to carry and that we can't carry it any further. If you hang in there a tad longer, some answer that you couldn't have seen before comes through. Everything passes, so this time won't last forever. If you two can communicate and talk about it openly, you will grow much closer during the trial.

                            One thing about some guys that I've noticed is that they have to separate issues in their lives. If a guy is dealing with one stressful event, he can't really focus on another. I'm sure an LDR seems stressful to him. It's not that he's even aware of it; it's just the way his brain might be wired. My SO can seem to shut me out sometimes, when he is thinking over a problem. I'm sure it would be worse if it were as serious as an ill parent. Just continue to show your love and patience and wait. Offer to visit to help out, but accept his no and don't nag about it.

                            Hope the situation with his father gets better.

                            Comment

                              #15
                              I think you have to make a decision... on whether or not you really want to be with him. You are young and it looks like your relationship is young too, so maybe it is best for you to end it... but I don't like saying it.

                              If you really can't imagine being apart from him, you should stick with him, and go to visit him when you can anyways and help take care of his dad. Or wait it out, because as Snow said, you won't disappear from each others lives and can still message and keep in contact with each other! It is going to be tough, but when you find someone who you love and don't want to be apart from, then it's just what you have to do, and you just have to get through it! Though since he is dealing with an ill father, your relationship will change and you might have to be there for him more than you have in the past, and support him and be there when he wants to talk or understand if he doesn't want to talk. Maybe just take things slow right now as you figure things out and how to go from here.

                              I think we can go through a lot more than we think.. if we are confident in what we want or don't want. Like for example I'm confident that I want my boyfriend and would rather be in an LDR with him even if we can't visit as often as I'd like, than not have him in my life at all. So that's why I am in this LDR even though it sucks to be apart from him for so long at a time and also not know when I will see him again, except for a rough hopeful estimate!

                              I think you have to make a decision what you want. Whether you stick with him through this or if you feel it's not worth it to you, in which case maybe it's best to find that out sooner rather than later so you don't get more involved. Just.. be strong through this, he probably needs your support a lot.. and is trying to save you from the pain but you have to decide whether you want to stay or not.

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