hoping for the best...

Hello everyone,

I hope you are all doing well.
Well it's been almost two months since I've been with my SO...And today i found out that there is a large possibility I won't see my SO again until August...we have been hoping that we could see each other again in May...
I know that nothing is set in stone, and I should hope for the best...but I already miss him so much, and I feel like each day we get closer to one another emotionally.
If we do not see each other until August we will have known each other for over a year, and be just a couple months shy of our one year anniversry.
I'm not doubting our relationship or stressing too much about this possible delay in our plans...but I am kind of bummed out at this new possibility...
I just wonder how others may have felt in a similar situation...basically I could use a virtual hug :/

[ethelynn]

You are not alone. Last time I saw my SO was 4 months ago and we don't really have the next time set, but probably not before summer. The problem is though that right now i'm looking for a job and once I get one, I won't be able to take any vacation for a few months, which means the time will be even further into the future. Maybe even to autumn, which would be our one year anniversary. It is really hard to cope with it, but I'm trying to be busy. Some times it's easier, most times not. Just try to be strong and think of the times you've had together and even though it might be a while for the next one, it'll still be amazing to see him and spend time with him.

[blueorchid1]

That's pretty much what's going on with us :/
I'm supposed to get a new job this summer, but luckily I have two weeks paid vacation to use by August...that's how I know our next visit will surely be by then....however, he just got laid off and is now looking for new job...it's tough because (we are both 19 and living at home) he could stay unemployed until our visit (he doesnt have to pay his parents rent), but then that means that if he does visit in May he wouldn't be able to stay long because he has to pay for a hotel....I hope he finds work, and it won't be hard for him because he has a lot of experience and lives in a small town...but finding a new job means he can't come to me and meet my family :/

I try to stay positive...but it gets so hard at times, and I hate complaining about it to my SO because I know it is really difficult for him too :/

[ethelynn]

I try to think about it as little as possible. Just have to accept it and put it out of my mind, because there isn't anything I can do about it.

Is him staying at your place out of the question?

[blueorchid1]

Unfortunately it is :/
My older sister also lives at home and she dislikes everything about my relationship and has caused several problems for myself and my relationship already. Also, my mother has certain religious views that she holds in high standing, and it is her home so I will abide by her wishes because although I am a young adult and I pay rent she's still my mom and in respect her very much

[OperaDiva]

You are not alone
I know really well how the uncertainty of the next visit, especially early on in the relationship, can cause lots of stress. Sometimes too much stress. However, I don't think you should hide your feelings from your SO. Sharing is important, and that also covers the bad stuff. If you keep it in, it might explode at some point and that might cause a lot more damage.
And yes, family can also put a damper and cause problems, that is what they are there for (sarcasm)! You might need to get creative. Do you have friends that can let you use a room or something? Maybe buy an air-mattress or go camping (that can also be kind of romantic and saves money if you are outdoorsy)? It is my personal opinion that at some point we have to stand up to our parents and hold our ground when it comes to values, especially if you are paying rent. Worst case scenario, can you move out? It would give you a lot more independence in terms of space and your SO visiting, and it also has to happen at some point of your adult life (sooner is better ).
Good luck!

[blueorchid1]

You are not alone
I know really well how the uncertainty of the next visit, especially early on in the relationship, can cause lots of stress. Sometimes too much stress. However, I don't think you should hide your feelings from your SO. Sharing is important, and that also covers the bad stuff. If you keep it in, it might explode at some point and that might cause a lot more damage.
And yes, family can also put a damper and cause problems, that is what they are there for (sarcasm)! You might need to get creative. Do you have friends that can let you use a room or something? Maybe buy an air-mattress or go camping (that can also be kind of romantic and saves money if you are outdoorsy)? It is my personal opinion that at some point we have to stand up to our parents and hold our ground when it comes to values, especially if you are paying rent. Worst case scenario, can you move out? It would give you a lot more independence in terms of space and your SO visiting, and it also has to happen at some point of your adult life (sooner is better ).
Good luck!

When my SO and I originally talked about him visiting in May, my best friend offered to let him stay at her home. However, she just recently found out she is pregnant and so that spare room now becomes a nursery. And I think the camping thing is a fabulous idea, however I will still have to be working when he visits as I used all my vacation tome on our first visit :/
I know that at some point it will be important to leave the nest, however financially for me now isn't the best time. My SO and I hope to close the distance when I transfer to a university if we are still together, and so I'm trying my best to save as much money as possible in the next year's.

I do appreciate your advice though! Thank you!

[abna1]

Sending you a
I know how you feel. We had a visit planned for January after being apart for 6,5 months and it got pushed back to March now because of uni. I was very upset when I found out, but it got better with time. The extra weeks have gone by quite fast actually.
Hang in there ! As you said, nothing is set in stone.
When will you be starting university ? It would be great, if you could close the distance then.

[blueorchid1]

Well, hopefully if all goes according to plan I will be transfering for the Fall semester of 2016. So just about two more years until we will k ow for sure if we can close the distance. But that happens only if I pass all of my classes from now until then.

A few hours ago I posted on the College forum about my current academic delema :/
It just seems like a lot is going down lately :/
But I got some advice there that was very straight up and good for me ha

[squeeker]

Aww I'm sorry! I know how you feel.. the shortest time I've had between visits to see my boyfriend has been 6 months, because we are on a limited budget. And our next visit is still too many months away to count. It's because we both made the decision to go back to university to be able to get a job where we could make more to close the distance.. it's a big long confusing (for someone else) story that I won't share here.. but I know how it feels.. you do what you have to make it through, when you found the right person to be with, as hard as it might be.. I know I'm lucky that even though we don't get to visit much, we can talk a lot especially for being 8 hours apart. But it still sucks. I just don't think about that side, except for now and then when my boyfriend and I plan what we want to do and when we can visit next, maybe sooner than expected, though still so far away.

You'll get through it.. try and be flexible too. If anything, being in this LDR has helped me be more flexible.. I know the one certain in my future is that I want to be with him.. and preferably sooner rather than later, but we also want to make sure to do it the right way that will set us up for a good future. Though we have to worry about immigrations and visas yet too so it feels difficult sometimes.. but we'll get through! And I'm sure you will too!

[Yaaamiii]

Been there . The feeling is awful. Sending hugs for sure!

[piratemama]

That is an awful feeling. It's been 18 months since I've seen my SO, and I know many on the forum haven't even met theirs in person, yet. We do get what you are saying. It is a horrible pain in the heart that won't go away. I want to see my SO, he wants to see me, so why can't we? The only thing that kept me from losing my mind was not ever really knowing how long it was going to be. I kept thinking we'd get to see each other soon. If I'd known how long it would be, I might would have hid myself in his suitcase the last visit!!!

I'm sorry you are finding out how long it will be. It does hurt. Just focus on the finish line, not the days to it. If you work on planning for that time, it might help a little. Nothing really helps though. I spend hours listening to love songs and looking at pics of my SO and crying. I know one thing for sure, we long distance folks will sure appreciate time with our SO's when we are with them. I get mad at all those that have loved ones right beside them and mistreat or neglect them. I think, "how dare you?" They take their loved ones for granted.

Hope you can feel better soon. Do something nice for yourself.