It's been so hard for me these days

[itsjen516]

The distance has officially gotten to me . I feel I'm angry and the time and I'm trying so hard not to let it effect my relationship I guess this is what people call the "hard time" it's just a lot for me with the wedding happing soon him not being able to come see the places so I gotta do eveything alone.
It's so hard cuz I'm also jobless and no matter how hard I look nithhjng works out so that's depressing me a lot also effecting my moods.
A friend of mine told him how I been taking diet pills and making my self throw up so now he's Worried about my all the time. Plus now he has 2 jobs and school he's also tired more and out convos have been a bit dull or it's about be having a hard time looking for work plus my food issues and stress
I want to be happy again I love him so much and I feel the way I been I'm Hurting him and if I ever hurt him I will then want to hurt my self. When he was here he made me throw Away tools I had that I would hurt my self with so that's just another stress on him
It makes me feel like a bad person I just want to be happy I want this stress to end . I just want the wedding to happen so we can finally close this distance. I love him and I'm glad we still havnt had a fight but this is still taking a toll on everything
I know it's dumb but I wish we could talk more since he's so busy now and I just sit home all day looking for jobs I just been so depressed

[AussieAmericanGirl66]

I say this kindly and with concern, so please don't take it as judging you. You really need to get some help with your anxiety. Your ways of coping, with forced vomiting and wanting to hurt yourself (cutting?) is really not healthy for you. It is also stressing out your fiance, who already has a full plate. If you are this stressed out before the wedding, what makes you think you will be able to cope with marriage, which at times is very stressful? Trust me, I know. I was once married with 6 children, and for several years, was a young Navy wife, with a husband who was out to sea every 3 months!

You are not a bad person, but you are sick. Seriously, you need to get professional help, counseling, and maybe medication. Depression and anxiety can be very serious (I know because I've been there many times over my life), and can really mess up your life, because you lose hope, faith in yourself, joy in living, and can become paralyzed in decision making, and even getting out of bed and facing the day can be too much to handle. Definitely not fun for a young woman like you who is just getting started with life, and who is in love with a good man, and getting married soon.

Please don't wait. Get help so you can enjoy life again, and be a radiant, happy bride-to-be, happily planning a beautiful wedding, and a new life with the man of your dreams.
I wish you the best.

[itsjen516]

Thanks and ya I know I'm trying so hard and I know my fiancé says talk to me about anything but I feel I bother him when I'm like this it makes me really not like my self at all

[NI_USA_love]

Hi there, I have to agree with AussieAmericanGirl, you really need to see someone professional about all of this. I am speaking from personal experience with a lot of what you are talking about here, it is my true belief that you cannot build a life with someone else and expect them to love you when you cannot love yourself. After many, many long years of feeling like what you are saying I was able to heal, and feeling so awful about myself previously is something that I think wrecked a lot of my past relationships. Please seek help. You are important!!