Things are getting tough and i feel kinda lost.. help!

[PrincessJOE]

As the title says... I think opinions from other people in a real ldr could make a difference atm.

I'll try to keep it as short as possible (dont wanna get anyone bored ahah) but still i hope to be able to give you all the elements you need to give an opinion.

I am 22, my bf is 27 and we met online, about 3 years ago. We've been just virtual friends for a couple of years until we decided to meet last may. Things went amazingly well and we decided to try to go for a relationship despite the distance (we live in two different countries, 850miles/1300km far). So our relationship started with our first meeting, exactly 9 months ago.
We met again 2 months after our first meeting, and things went even better, even if we were aware winter would have meant huge obstacles. Winter is always a tough part of the year for him because his job gets incredibly busy in that season.

In the meantime, in september, my parents broke up and i havent seen my father since there (we've always had a terrible relationship). I told my bf about all this of course, but i probably didnt get what i expected from him. i mean, he listened to me and kinda tried to support me, but he is very practical (while im very emotional) so and he clearly told me that he doesnt like to judge anyone, as he didnt live that personally, which i can understand.
My father's behaviour during my whole life is having big effects on me, but thats clearly something i have to solve and work on on my own.

He was meant to come here in december, even if for just a couple of days, but the weather has been terrible where he lives and his boss, after making him wait till the very last moment, didnt give him the days off. Our meeting got postponed to the end on this bad weather.

We tried to plan another meeting for much, but things didn't work again. He got told he could get 2 days off in that month, but when he got to book those two days off his boss told him it was too late and he couldnt get them anymore. I need to say though that between the moment he got told he could take those two days off and the moment he got to ask his boss those two days off a couple of things happened (a friend of his passed away so i think its understandable that our meeting went in the background of course).
Anyway, yesterday he had the response from his boss saying he couldnt get those days off anymore, and it was REALLY tough on me. Especially cos I know his family planned to go away for a couple of weeks in may (him too of course) and he got those two weeks off of work already. I'm really happy about him having a family holiday, i truly am, but in that moment i felt really left apart. (i opened a topic yesterday in "anonymous" out of sadness, so someone may have read about it this bit already).

He is an extremely laid back guy, doesnt like to fight, not anxious at all, he thinks if you have a good attitude towards things they will work out, and he trusts me loads. He isn't good at letting his feelings out, especially if we arent face to face, he isnt confident with technologies at all.
I'm the opposite about these things: im always precise, i try to plan things as much as possible, id an argument more easily, i tend to be negative if something goes wrong and i need to express my feelings a lot, even if we arent face to face.

As regards the long term, i still have 3 years of university to go, and id like to move to his country after my graduation. As he works already, he d like to use these 3 years to get things ready for me to move in there with him once i finish uni.

The thing is.. right now i feel extremely down about all this. I dearly love him, i can't imagine myself without him, but sometimes i'm scared this may be all a mistake. I joined a group of people having a distance relationship in my country but they all get to meet their partners at LEAST once a month. I know its easier for them as they live in the same country, but it still makes me think as if my bf and I aren't doing well.
Plus, you surely know how it looks like for many people who arent in long distance relationships at all: that's not a real relationship, one of you is going to fall for someone else, you dont know if you really love each other, you are wasting your time and blablabla. I hate to say it, cos as i said i really love my bf, but sometimes i start wondering if they are right. im so confused, i struggle to understand where is the line between the way he is (extremely laid back, never rushin into anything, not good at expressing his feelings) and what they say (he ll meet someone else, if you dont meet often he ll forget about you, his feeling will fade away).

I think that's it for the moment. What do you think about all this?
Thanks in advance for readin!

[differentcountries]

I see how you can get disappointed from this. It is hard to watch your so spend time with family when you can't see him yourself, and worklife can be complicated sometimes. Try to forgive what happened and focus on sceduling a new visit, making sure his next days off are spent with you.

[Ahava]

I read this earlier today and felt like I needed to say something comforting.
Your SO sounds a lot like mine (laid back etc).

Perhaps it is a good thing that you are different from each other (how boring if you were the same).

I can understand that him not been given the time off etc and thus your plans of meeting getting destroyed/suspended makes you feel really down in the dumps.
When I realised I wasn't going to see my bf around the holidays in Christmas (which we had been planning on) I cried the whole evening and was generally really down for a few days over it.

The only thing I can think of that will make you feel better is for a new visit to be scheduled that won't get cancelled.
Hang in there and take care of yourself.

[Hollandia]

We are 3800 miles apart and spend half our time together and half apart. I spend every 90 days away from him for 90 days. There is no way around it. It sucks. There are plenty of others that are further away and see each other much less, that sucks. There are some closer and they see each other more, still it sucks. LDR sucks.


But this is the love of my life. So, I cry and I vent and then I push forward. I hope and I plan and someday soon we will be together and never have to say goodbye for months again. It is worth it to me, if it is to you, then you too will have to cry and vent and push forward. That is what being in an LDR is all about. I feel your pain and I wish you the best.

[piratemama]

I'm sorry you are going through this. I understand what you mean about not getting what you needed from your SO when your father left. Some people don't have empathy; it's how they are made. He may be like that, but it doesn't help you feel better.

I also get how bad you feel about him cancelling his visit with you, yet taking a long trip with family. It would seem that he could find some time to see you. We all want to be a priority in our SO's lives. It seems like a ld girlfriend doesn't get the same status, though, for some reason.

Like others have said, all you can do is vent and vent some more, then move on. Focus on planning when you two can be together and try not to dwell on the missed visits. I know it's easier said than done.

[PrincessJOE]

Thanks everybody for the replies.
Things are getting worse and worse. I feel he is basically ignoring me and I don't understand why. Apart from that bad day where I was really down I tried to support him and be here for him but it seems like it has no effect at all. He is having busy days at work and he is still dealing with his loss, but I don't see why he should ignore me. He hasnt even been asking how am i doing or what are my days like for 3 days now, and when he does keep in touch with me he barely writes back.
I talked to his sister asking her if she noticed anything weird in him lately but she said no and she thanked me for telling her about him being different. She said she's gonna keep an eye on him to try to see whats wrong with him.
I don't really know what to do, apart from not putting any pressure on him and leaving his time.
I'm so down.

[Ahava]