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    So, I met this girl

    So I've been on this site before when I was pursuing another girl. That didn't seem to work out, but recently I met another girl on eharmony. We really seemed to match up well. We both have a lot of similarities, interests, long-term goals, and beliefs.

    She is in grad school in Milwaukee. We started emailing, talking on the phone, and online/IM. The communication started off really well. Then as she started to get busier it went down. Which I understood, but then even during her holiday break the communication wasn't great.

    Nevertheless, we both were trying. I had some fear that our communication was falling off, so I proposed we both meet sooner than later. To see if we really connected or not. She agreed so I planned a trip. Bought a plane ticket and planned the car rental/hotel.

    However, I was flustered a bit by the lack of communication still. So I basically said, lets' call the whole thing off. However, she messaged me (without first seeing my break off email) and I messaged back saying I still would like to meet. So we still decided to meet.

    So I went out there. We spent a whole Saturday together. Four hours at the Milwaukee Museum of Art which we both loved. Taking photos of our favorite paintings. Taking photos for each other (in fear of losing memory or battery life). We really seemed to feel comfortable with each other. We had breakfast, lunch, and dinner together. We hung out at coffee shops. Talked really well. On Sunday we went to church together (with a sermon that happened to be talking about relationships), I met her old roommate, we did a little shopping together, more studying she had to do together, some ramen, and later that night a few drinks together and talking about us. I told her straight out that I was interested in her. She said she still needed to think/pray about it. She seemed cautious due to being in grad school and also not sure where she will be working after she graduates. (We both live in different states). On Monday Morning before I left, I ran to drop off a book to her that she left in the car for school.

    For Valentines I bought her some flowers, a gift (something that I remembered she liked at the mall), and a card. She seemed to really like them all. She is still very busy with school and I'm busy with work, but we both seem to be making an effort to talk, communicate. Even though we are both busy and both introverts.

    So any thoughts? We met and hung out together after knowing each other less than a year. We seemed to really get along well. We both seem to be going in the same direction in life and similar interests. She is 35 and I'm 38. I'm really really ready to settle down with the right woman. I think she is thinking the same. I'm hoping she finds a job in a close by state so we can see each other more and plan on closing the distance some how.

    Any thoughts, advice, etc? I'm hoping she invites me out for her graduation. Then I would meet her family. I think that would be a huge indicator. I keep having these stupid negative thoughts she might drop me like a bad habit, but I'm trying to be positive and it's helped for the most part.

    -Monk

    #2
    hey nice to see you again!
    have you talked about this with her at all? me and my bf talk about all our doubt and such because of the distance ect
    it sounds to me that you both dont talk that much about it all, it is good to spill all your feelings and doubts to your SO. the first thought i get is that she is very carefull, afraid to get hurt again maybe?
    sorry i cant help you further good luck!

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      #3
      My best advice would be - take your time. You have found a nice woman that you feel you have a connection with, that is great. But putting a lot of expectations and pressure on a new relationship, and especially if she is graduating from school (grad school? that is reeeeeally stressful), can kill it before it has a chance to grow. Take a deep breath, keep talking, and plan your next trip. Good luck

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        #4
        I think you're making this into more of a relationship than it really is at the moment. You may be ready to settle down and all, but don't you want to make sure it's not with the wrong person? It sounds to me like right now you're considered a casual date that she's interested to get to know better, so let her do that, and let things happen naturally. Take your time, I'm not sure how often and for how long you expect to communicate, but maybe it's more than she can do right now, with her busy schedule. Let her focus on finishing school, that's her priority now, I'm sure, then she'll have more time for you and more time to put into a relationship.
        Our separation of each other is an optical illusion of consciousness. ~Albert Einstein

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          #5
          Every love relationship needs a good foundation of friendship, trust, and respect. Even if you fall in love at first sight, you have to work on that foundation. My advice would be to work on being her friend along with the love. Be there for her, and let her know that you support what she's doing. Let things take a natural course from there.

          The fear of her dropping you is a normal one. Don't overthink or worry yet, but enjoy what you can share with her.

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            #6
            Just wishing you the best.

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              #7
              I think your introvertion is playing tricks on you. This does not seem complicated. You seem to have a sweet connection so far. Do what you can to get to know her more, in a slow but steady rythm. Show her you apprecate her, send her small gifts or surprises that show you care. When she grauates, she will be able to plan more. Don't think about closing the distance just yet, if you enjoy each other's company that may come in due time.
              I made love to him only twice, she thought and looked at the man laying asleep beside her. And yet still it is as if we have been together forever, as if he has always known my life, my soul, my body, my light, my pain
              - Paulo Coelho, "Eleven minutes"



              "Bız yüzyılın aşkı vardır" - We have dated since Sept. 2013. To see our full story, click here https://members.lovingfromadistance....and-our-visits

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