Dealing with anger

[OperaDiva]

Do you guys ever feel angry? I don't mean anger in general, I am just finding it hard to deal with this feeling and I don't know what to call it. I feel powerless and sad, and pissed off not at anyone in particular, just at the situation ... that feeling at the end of a Skype call when all I want is to reach through the screen and put my hand on his cheek ... and I can't.

[itsjen516]

Ya I do a lot it's stressful. It's so hard. I made a topic similar last night and it got deleted so I'm not sure what people said hopfily yours stays active .
A lot of it is a feeling of sadness

[differentcountries]

I call it frustration. It is like a sad, pissed, itchy anger

[80anthea]

I've just been to Buddhist meditation and was introduced to a great poem...

Rumi

This being human is a guest house.
Every morning a new arrival.
A joy, a depression, a meanness,
some momentary awareness comes
as an unexpected visitor.

Welcome and entertain them all!
Even if they’re a crowd of sorrows,
who violently sweep your house
empty of its furniture,
still, treat each guest honorably.

He may be clearing you out
for some new delight.
The dark thought, the shame, the malice,
meet them at the door laughing,
and invite them in.

Be grateful for whoever comes,
because each has been sent
as a guide from beyond.

There is nothing wrong with feeling angry, sad, frustrated or indeed any emotion. It's what is causing this emotion that needs dealing with in a positive way, acknowledge that you're angry and reflect on what you can do to feel in a more positive way about that.

[piratemama]

Yes, I know the feeling you mean. For me, it's like a temper tantrum. I'm sick of waiting to see my SO, and it all seems so unfair. I get mad at his family and his friends for being with him, and I can't. The anger is something I fight all the time. I'm trying to focus on the good and positive, but it's hard. If anyone has an answer for how to deal with it, I'd love to know it. If they could bottle it and sell it, they'd make a million.

[Heavenly_Love12]

I think that's a familiar feeling. I feel more frustration and sadness than anger though. It can be really annoying to not have my SO around to do things with and physically touch or hug. On the bad days I try to remind myself that things could be a lot worse and the things I'm able to experience that a couple who has always been CD may not realize. My SO and I were CD for a year and then broke up and have been LD since we got back together but when we were CD, I didn't look forward to a phone call like I do now. I didn't experience giving him random "thinking of you" cards or messages and he didn't do the same. I think we appreciate so much more in an LD relationship and really value our time together when we can be together in person; it just makes things so much sweeter

[snow_girl]

https://www.apa.org/topics/anger/control.aspx?item=1

[OperaDiva]

Thanx 80anthea for the poem and snow_girl for the link, and for all the comments too I think pirate mama is spot on, it is like a temper tantrum, the feeling of wanting to kick the furniture, stomp my feet and what not.

I probably just have to accept the fact that closing the distance will take longer than anticipated, and it may not happen this year. There, I said it. Damn it.

[Ahava]

For me its mostly sadness and despair rather than anger. Luckily these "tantrums" don't come too often, but I am familiar with them.
If I was told we could close the distance in say a year or even 3 years I would be JUMPING of JOY. What makes me feel desperate is that the distance sentence I am enduring is the same amount I would get in my country for murder. Actually depending on the circumstances the murderer might get out of jail sooner :/ (I know our justice system stinks).
The not knowing how and when and yet knowing that these prime years of life we'll have to spend a part.

Also what frustrates me is my money situation. Knowing I could hop on a plane to go and see him if only I could afford to which I can't.

[OperaDiva]

For me its mostly sadness and despair rather than anger. Luckily these "tantrums" don't come too often, but I am familiar with them.
If I was told we could close the distance in say a year or even 3 years I would be JUMPING of JOY. What makes me feel desperate is that the distance sentence I am enduring is the same amount I would get in my country for murder. Actually depending on the circumstances the murderer might get out of jail sooner :/ (I know our justice system stinks).
The not knowing how and when and yet knowing that these prime years of life we'll have to spend a part.

Also what frustrates me is my money situation. Knowing I could hop on a plane to go and see him if only I could afford to which I can't.

awww. That is very similar to what I am feeling, but worse in many ways ... For me it was having the hope that maybe we can be together around this March, then realizing it won't be possible, then hoping for September and then realizing THAT is not gonna happen ... now I don't know if it will be next year in March or in September, if we ever make it, of course dammit, we are almost 30, we should be together, building a life, traveling, having the time of our lives and instead we are living for the next 4 days we can spend together. argh.

[Ahava]

awww. That is very similar to what I am feeling, but worse in many ways ... For me it was having the hope that maybe we can be together around this March, then realizing it won't be possible, then hoping for September and then realizing THAT is not gonna happen ... now I don't know if it will be next year in March or in September, if we ever make it, of course dammit, we are almost 30, we should be together, building a life, traveling, having the time of our lives and instead we are living for the next 4 days we can spend together. argh.

I get the living for the next 4 days we can spend together. That is my life at the mo.
Atleast for us, we both have kids, so it's not so much wanting to start a family together. Which of course can be the case for many others and add to the "normal" stress of an LDR. to you too!

[differentcountries]

When I write him letters/craft, I get a sense of calm, like he is away but only in a very temporal sense. Right now I am doing an Encouragement calender of about 30 pages (plus some extra pages I will use like a photo album). When he gets it (an I have spent about a month making it, too), he can have one page each day until I come next. The thing he has now, is the 28 Open When-letters I gave him a little over a month ago. So whatever I make that is about 30 days in both making and using, is good. It calms me and it calms him. Good things.

Otherwise I sometimes get get really emo and cry or get angry, and he will get a bit emotional but bottle it all up like a true soldier, and we can't have much of any of that before it becomes a wedge in our relationship. Working is really good. Working and working out works for both of us. Nothing like a long day , possably topped with a little sweating, to fill your mind and numb your body. It takes you somwhere else.

[snow]

I used to feel extremely powerless and angry, but it really is how much power you give it.
Yesterday I made myself cry, because I needed him at my side, but of course he couldn't be there and I felt angry and sad, but I calmed down quickly when I realized that we are doing what we can and it is not forever, someday this will end.

I created a tumblr blog to talk about my LDR, which helped. I also realized that when I browse for LDR pictures or stories to reblog, I try to scroll by sad posts, like "distance sucks" and concentrate on good, positive ones, like "I rather have him and know he is thousands of miles away, than have no one" - that always helped me.

It's easy to concentrate on the negative parts, because they are so visible, but you gotta try and focus on the good parts.

[mscupcake]

I know what you mean and I think it's very normal to feel this way...
I don't know if my advice will be helpful because it depends on your own interest. The way I combat the emotion is to either scream into a pillow or channel that energy into something productive and mentally stimulating, such as doing a puzzle, writing, or something more intricate like knitting or working with beads.

[piratemama]

I know what you mean and I think it's very normal to feel this way...
I don't know if my advice will be helpful because it depends on your own interest. The way I combat the emotion is to either scream into a pillow or channel that energy into something productive and mentally stimulating, such as doing a puzzle, writing, or something more intricate like knitting or working with beads.

This is really a good idea, I know. However, if I tried working with little beads when angry about missing my SO, I'd throw the darn things all over the room!