Something Happy................anyone else have this happen?

[Hollandia]

Marriage, we are mutual marriage phobes. We are fine with commitment, less fine with marriage. It would take a while for either of us to commit to anyone for the rest of our lives.

Yes, it is a sticky wicket. So, is leaving your country for someone, so that is why I won't do it till we are at that point. He does believe in marriage too, and I just had no intent to move to another country as a stepping stone. If he was not the marrying kind, we would never have been together. Since, I knew he was, I knew that it would be whole kit and kaboodle or nothing in the end.

[nottheprincesspeach]

I think she means the "marriage" word. That is cool, not everyone does. I will say we are international and I think that makes it a bit harder to do for a BF and not a husband. I believe in marriage and consider it the ultimate commitment in a couple. I don't expect all to agree to that, but for me it is. There are also some heavy legal things that come along with marriage that I think you should be willing to share when closing a distance. I have been married before and so speak from experience there.

My own SO said that a while ago, and I was honest and said... okay, but I am not okay with that, so if you are perhaps this won't work. There are certain deal breakers and that was one for me. I also think in any LDR you may or may not come upon a time limit in it. I know some don't, but for me it is getting pretty close. I love him like my breath but business is getting no better and travel is getting harder and there comes a time of put up or shut up. I believe in my Dad's mentality of shit or get off the pot.

I am just really happy to see that my SO wants to shit. LOL.

I know someday we will both come around to the idea, whether if it is with each other or not. We both plan on having marriages at some point in the future. We just don't believe OUR relationship is ready for that. I understand your points about the international legal things and time lines. Our relationship has a point too, it's just a different situation with only moving a few hundred miles within the same country. That doesn't require as much of a commitment to me as moving to another country would.

[Hollandia]

I wish! If he has, he's certainly never told me about it Anyway, both he and I have the strange commonality that we very, very rarely remember our dreams. I think we may have talked about a dream only about two or three times in the 5 years we've been together, we seem to only remember the really disturbing ones. I'm really happy and excited for you though, it must be fantastic to finally forming a solid plan!

Shocking coming from my SO. He is a very quiet and private person, for him to tell me his dreams, is his ultimate way to open up.

[Hollandia]

I know someday we will both come around to the idea, whether if it is with each other or not. We both plan on having marriages at some point in the future. We just don't believe OUR relationship is ready for that. I understand your points about the international legal things and time lines. Our relationship has a point too, it's just a different situation with only moving a few hundred miles within the same country. That doesn't require as much of a commitment to me as moving to another country would.

Sure, but as you should.......yet. We were far from here in the beginning. We knew each other for almost a year before we started dating. We are pushing three years into this now. Enjoy your time in your place and each step along the way. If he was in USA , yeah we would already just be full on living together and marriage might have been pushed off for a few years, not really sure. I just know I never expected to wake up and hear my SO tell me that.

[lyonsgirl]

Marriage, we are mutual marriage phobes. We are fine with commitment, less fine with marriage. It would take a while for either of us to commit to anyone for the rest of our lives.

I assumed as much, I just don't understand why anyone has to call it "the M word" like it's bad or something.

[Ahava]

Yey on this!
How could we get my SO to dream about marrying me LOL
I think as there is no hurry maybe after a long time he might want to. Or I might perhaps lean to not having to have "that stupid piece of paper" and a ring.

I dream a lot and remember a good portion of them. The weirdest out of the latest dreams was nearly a week ago, I gave birth to three baby boys and they were all like mini versions of my SO. And after a couple days they all had hair like him and facial hair growing (looking like my SO when he hasn't shaved in a couple days). He hardly ever remembers his dreams, but I know he has dreamt of me a couple times.

I'm really happy for you Hollandia!

[nottheprincesspeach]

I assumed as much, I just don't understand why anyone has to call it "the M word" like it's bad or something.

For that explanation, I come from a family that marries VERY rapidly. I've dated my SO longer than any one of them did before they got engaged. Not long and our relationship will be older than their relationships before marriage. They are all still together so my family has been pressuring it. We started calling it that because they pushed it so much early on that it started putting a bad taste in our mouths. Like having marriage catalogs delivered to his place, etc. It isn't bad, but saying stuff like that and calling it a stand up funeral is slowly getting my family to back off.

[80anthea]

I don't personally believe that dreams are prophetic but I do think they are important. I think they are the mind's way of dealing with the huge amount of information it processes on a daily basis; even if you don't remember them your mind is active whilst you are asleep. One possible explanation is that he has been subconsciously (or even consciously but just not telling you!) thinking over this and his mind has ruminated on it whilst he has been asleep and helped him process the information.

[nottheprincesspeach]

I don't personally believe that dreams are prophetic but I do think they are important. I think they are the mind's way of dealing with the huge amount of information it processes on a daily basis; even if you don't remember them your mind is active whilst you are asleep. One possible explanation is that he has been subconsciously (or even consciously but just not telling you!) thinking over this and his mind has ruminated on it whilst he has been asleep and helped him process the information.

With Hollandia's hopes I feel like this explanation (that I also ascribe to) would be even better for her. Especially added to the fact that he told her about it. Could be like him feeling her out about it.

[Hollandia]

Well, first I feel that marriage only has the "power" that the couple give to it. I also think if both don't give it equal power, it won't work.

I also am uber happy because not only did he dream about it, but he took the time to tell me and explain it to me. That spoke mountains more to me than him just dreaming. He knew by telling me this what it would mean to me, my SO is a pretty smart guy. Knowing all this is why I feel it has changed something, for the better for us.

[differentcountries]

Happy for you! Both the dream and the marriage plans.

Bf was rather quick to indicate he is thinking of marriage, which is kind of ironic considering we can't. But I promised him to find us the very thing closest to it.

[Hollandia]

Happy for you! Both the dream and the marriage plans.

Bf was rather quick to indicate he is thinking of marriage, which is kind of ironic considering we can't. But I promised him to find us the very thing closest to it.

It's pretty different for me because part of marrying my SO will be cutting back on contact with my Ex. Aside from anything else we have gotten to be pretty good friends now, but once me and my SO marry, I will cut that back. I think it is only fair to both. Neither want a poly relationship. My SO and I want us and only us and my Ex seems to want to hang on to what we used to be.

[Atreyu]

Congrats!

Cool name btw, I'm also from the netherlands and my girl is from the US!

It's great that you two are going to get married, that means he really loves you!

[Hollandia]

Congrats!

Cool name btw, I'm also from the netherlands and my girl is from the US!

It's great that you two are going to get married, that means he really loves you!

I have to ask, you say this because you are a male Dutch man and you agree that Dutch men tend to wait a loooong ass time before marrying? Some of my SO's male buddies have been dating their GF's for 8 years! In USA, an American woman would have walked in half that time. I consider it a cultural thing and not an insult but still a bit hard to swallow for my tastes so I think we will be meeting in the middle fairly well.

and btw, wow, you guys have the same time difference as me and my big brother that lives in CA when I am in NL and we hardly ever catch up. More power to you.

[differentcountries]

I did the opposite, actually. I cut contact with my ex after we split, and re-connected (in a platonic way) once I married my husband. Time was the healer. we were both new people by then. It sounds like a good idea to not stay in touch with a former lover who dreams about something that will never be. I am not sure as to why you are currently in contact with him though, but I don't need to understand everybody's relationships.