Something Happy................anyone else have this happen?

[dglynn77]

Cute dream Hollandia! Hope it is a sign of things to come soon!

My SO used to dream of us being married (before it happened.)
Now some days he wakes up a little sad and when I ask him what's wrong he says that in his dream we were back to just dating again… He doesn't like those dreams. He's so cute!
(He quickly cheers up upon finding us in bed together )

[Hollandia]

I did the opposite, actually. I cut contact with my ex after we split, and re-connected (in a platonic way) once I married my husband. Time was the healer. we were both new people by then. It sounds like a good idea to not stay in touch with a former lover who dreams about something that will never be. I am not sure as to why you are currently in contact with him though, but I don't need to understand everybody's relationships.

Well, we share a business and a child so that will never completely stop. I also need to go back to USA a lot for now and still have right to use of a shared house. Once I marry my SO , I will close that distance and aside from kid and work me and him won't talk as much. Once he gets to point he moves on and has a GF of his own, he used to after initial split but she hurt him, I will be fine with him visiting me and my new husband in our home. I do admit to trying to help him not hurt so bad by remaining close friends and actually my SO does not mind, he is quite secure with us. I just feel once we marry things will change and it will be better for all.

On a side note, me and my SO in the meanwhile are working on a baby, if that should happen, I know my Ex will move on. I just think he still wishes I would break up with my BF and go back to him and he won't ever really "get" that till I remarry and/or have a baby with my SO. This is not directing any of my decisions in the matter, but I am aware of them.

[Hollandia]

Cute dream Hollandia! Hope it is a sign of things to come soon!

My SO used to dream of us being married (before it happened.)
Now some days he wakes up a little sad and when I ask him what's wrong he says that in his dream we were back to just dating again… He doesn't like those dreams. He's so cute!
(He quickly cheers up upon finding us in bed together )

Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwww......................that is so sweet. Your SO sounds a lot like mine. He is just a big marshmallow when it comes to love. I hate to gush but I love having a big strong manly man that is all soft and squishy on the inside. LOL.

[CanadianGirl]

That's seriously adorable that he dreamed about it and shared it with you. I bet those thoughts were floating around in his head for a while and he finally believed himself after "seeing" it.

The only time a dream effects my real life is when it's some awfully vivid nightmare about my SO. Every other nightmare I can disregard as nonsense, but I always wake up in a panic when my dream-SO (who is remarkably evil..) makes an appearance. Then I tell the real boyfriend and we get to imagine beating dream-SO up for traumatizing me .

[Dziubka]

I have to ask, you say this because you are a male Dutch man and you agree that Dutch men tend to wait a loooong ass time before marrying? Some of my SO's male buddies have been dating their GF's for 8 years! In USA, an American woman would have walked in half that time. I consider it a cultural thing and not an insult but still a bit hard to swallow for my tastes so I think we will be meeting in the middle fairly well.

I'm neither Dutch nor a man, but I find this kinda fascinating. It's "only" a statistic about the mean age at first marriage, but if you compare them, they can tell you a lot about how marriage is regarded in a country.
When the mean age is 30+, then you can probably assume that people just don't see the need to get married earlier. I can't find it anymore, but if I remember correctly I read a statistic that said that the mean age of first birth is actually lower than that of first marriage in Germany. So either only the people that get married young have kids at all OR (and I think this is more likely) people just don't see marriage as a necessity to start a family.
I realise that it's different when visas and immigration is invovled and you're moving halfway around the world for someone, but it's still worth keeping in mind that marriage (most likely) means something else in Dutch culture and in American culture.



Like I was the perfect mean age (minus 2month-ish) for first marriage in my SO's country, but a good 5-6 years younger than the mean age in my country, when we got married. His friends were all like "finally" when we told them, while mine were either shocked or said nothing (but probably thought that I had completely lost it). I still feel kinda weird about sometimes, because we're so in-between cultures and I can't decide if I got married early or not

[Hollandia]

That's seriously adorable that he dreamed about it and shared it with you. I bet those thoughts were floating around in his head for a while and he finally believed himself after "seeing" it.

The only time a dream effects my real life is when it's some awfully vivid nightmare about my SO. Every other nightmare I can disregard as nonsense, but I always wake up in a panic when my dream-SO (who is remarkably evil..) makes an appearance. Then I tell the real boyfriend and we get to imagine beating dream-SO up for traumatizing me .

He he, that is funny. My SO told me a few weeks ago, he dreamed I cheated on him with some ugly dude and he beat him to a pulp. LOL.

[Hollandia]

I'm neither Dutch nor a man, but I find this kinda fascinating. It's "only" a statistic about the mean age at first marriage, but if you compare them, they can tell you a lot about how marriage is regarded in a country.
When the mean age is 30+, then you can probably assume that people just don't see the need to get married earlier. I can't find it anymore, but if I remember correctly I read a statistic that said that the mean age of first birth is actually lower than that of first marriage in Germany. So either only the people that get married young have kids at all OR (and I think this is more likely) people just don't see marriage as a necessity to start a family.
I realise that it's different when visas and immigration is invovled and you're moving halfway around the world for someone, but it's still worth keeping in mind that marriage (most likely) means something else in Dutch culture and in American culture.



Like I was the perfect mean age (minus 2month-ish) for first marriage in my SO's country, but a good 5-6 years younger than the mean age in my country, when we got married. His friends were all like "finally" when we told them, while mine were either shocked or said nothing (but probably thought that I had completely lost it). I still feel kinda weird about sometimes, because we're so in-between cultures and I can't decide if I got married early or not

Idk, I say what I say because both me and the SO are over 35 and so are all his friends. I kid you not, not one of them married their GFs before dating for 6 years. There were like a clique and I got in because my SO broke up with his former GF a few years ago and had not wanted to date anyone for a long time. The almost 3 years of being together for me still feels quite long in US culture. I have been in the younger years and and now in the older ones and don't know many then or now that date without marrying for over 3 years. I also talked to a few of my Dutch female friends and they agreed, Dutch men drag their feet on marriage as long as they can. LOL.

[Dziubka]

Idk, I say what I say because both me and the SO are over 35 and so are all his friends. I kid you not, not one of them married their GFs before dating for 6 years. There were like a clique and I got in because my SO broke up with his former GF a few years ago and had not wanted to date anyone for a long time. The almost 3 years of being together for me still feels quite long in US culture. I have been in the younger years and and now in the older ones and don't know many then or now that date without marrying for over 3 years. I also talked to a few of my Dutch female friends and they agreed, Dutch men drag their feet on marriage as long as they can. LOL.

The average in the Netherlands is apparently 33, so 35 and unmarried wouldn't be unusual at all.

I also never understood the "if he doesn't propose until x time"-narrative in American serials, movies or books. It's literally so foreign to me. Getting married after less than three years together seems super early to me. But then if my SO had proposed to me after a year, I would have thought he was crazy and run far, far away.

I think that sometimes seeing the same movies, listening to the same music and so on make us think that "the western world" is more culturally similar than it actually is.

There's not even an ocean between my SO's and my country, only a river that you can probably walk through on some places and we still have major cultural differences.

But then, that's part of what makes international LDRs so much more interesting

[Hollandia]

The average in the Netherlands is apparently 33, so 35 and unmarried wouldn't be unusual at all.

I also never understood the "if he doesn't propose until x time"-narrative in American serials, movies or books. It's literally so foreign to me. Getting married after less than three years together seems super early to me. But then if my SO had proposed to me after a year, I would have thought he was crazy and run far, far away.

I think that sometimes seeing the same movies, listening to the same music and so on make us think that "the western world" is more culturally similar than it actually is.

There's not even an ocean between my SO's and my country, only a river that you can probably walk through on some places and we still have major cultural differences.

But then, that's part of what makes international LDRs so much more interesting

Yes, indeed, me and my SO have learned that although he is fluent in English and familiar with many Us traditions according to our music and shows, it is far from the same. I still go through culture shock each time I came and go. The stores alone blow me away. I don't judge the age of 33-35 to mean anything, I more look at the amount of time dating to mean something. I feel like after 3 years of dating if you are not sure, you probably never will be. He feels like closer to 10 before marriage.

[curious_gal518]

Congrats to you and your SO if you are taking that path to happiness. (yaay! ^_^)

I believe that dreams are signs that tell you how you're feeling subconsciously. Even though dreams are sometimes farfetched, it could also signify something that relates to the dreamer's life.

In this case, maybe your SO's dreams were his way of telling himself that he is ready for "forever" with you. The growing old type of love.

That, I think is very precious. ♡

[Dziubka]

Yes, indeed, me and my SO have learned that although he is fluent in English and familiar with many Us traditions according to our music and shows, it is far from the same. I still go through culture shock each time I came and go. The stores alone blow me away. I don't judge the age of 33-35 to mean anything, I more look at the amount of time dating to mean something. I feel like after 3 years of dating if you are not sure, you probably never will be. He feels like closer to 10 before marriage.

But the age says something about a culture's attitude towards marriage. When people on average get married for the first time at 33, it means they're probably comfortable with dating for a longer time before marriage than in a country/culture where mean age for first marriage is lower.

I guess what I'm trying to say is Dutch men don't "drag their feet on marriage", but marriage simply doesn't have the same significance in the Netherlands.

[Hollandia]

Congrats to you and your SO if you are taking that path to happiness. (yaay! ^_^)

I believe that dreams are signs that tell you how you're feeling subconsciously. Even though dreams are sometimes farfetched, it could also signify something that relates to the dreamer's life.

In this case, maybe your SO's dreams were his way of telling himself that he is ready for "forever" with you. The growing old type of love.

That, I think is very precious. ♡

Thanks, dreams are an odd bunch indeed. I don't usually give much power into reading into them but mine last night was a bit telling about my thoughts. I was trapped in a house and a bad guy was trying to kill me and one of my best friends and her family. He did so by taking a giant drill coming at us from the ceiling, the walls and the floor. It really felt like something was coming to get you from every angle. I woke up terrified by grateful to still be in NL with my SO but indeed our time to part is coming again soon and no matter how I try to stop thinking about it seems to creep into thoughts no matter what I do. It was just a dream I know, but that whole world closing in on your thing is hard to hide from.

Why can't I have those nice wedding dreams like him?

[Hollandia]

But the age says something about a culture's attitude towards marriage. When people on average get married for the first time at 33, it means they're probably comfortable with dating for a longer time before marriage than in a country/culture where mean age for first marriage is lower.

I guess what I'm trying to say is Dutch men don't "drag their feet on marriage", but marriage simply doesn't have the same significance in the Netherlands.

I think both are a bit extreme. USA does seem to take marriage too lightly sometimes but I do think in NL they really wait a long ass time to marry. At first he wanted to do the registered partner thing first and I told him, that won't fly with me. If you are going to commit to someone then commit, the partnership would be a somewhat legal thing but without the vows. I wonder if because the USA does not really do that, perhaps that is why so many jump into marriage too soon...myself included.

I am glad we are finding a happy medium. I am hoping the marriage will hit right around that 3 year mark, and that feels like it has been more than enough time and we both will be ready. I do find it interesting he was ready to have a baby together 6 months ago but the actual marriage was something he just now is getting into.

[nottheprincesspeach]

I think both are a bit extreme. USA does seem to take marriage too lightly sometimes but I do think in NL they really wait a long ass time to marry. At first he wanted to do the registered partner thing first and I told him, that won't fly with me. If you are going to commit to someone then commit, the partnership would be a somewhat legal thing but without the vows. I wonder if because the USA does not really do that, perhaps that is why so many jump into marriage too soon...myself included.

I am glad we are finding a happy medium. I am hoping the marriage will hit right around that 3 year mark, and that feels like it has been more than enough time and we both will be ready. I do find it interesting he was ready to have a baby together 6 months ago but the actual marriage was something he just now is getting into.

My SO's best friend was with his wife for 7 years before they got married. With one exception in his friend list, his friends are the same way. I think in certain areas of the US this pushing off of marriage is common. The average age does keep going up. Then again, most of my friends have done it the normal way.

[snow]

I checked your link, dziubka, and it said that in Austria women get married at about 29 and men at 31 years for the first time and even though I am sure this is true, because none of my friends are married yet and I am the only one at my age who is engaged, it was still shocking! I thought it was more around 25 :O