Something Happy................anyone else have this happen?

[dragonlady]

congrats i hope it will happen soon enough for you! :3

[Hollandia]

congrats i hope it will happen soon enough for you! :3

Hey You! Thanks, I have been meaning to check up on you. I value your help and advice. How are things with you? PM me please. If not Skype me. My SO's dad somewhat reamed me today for not studying Dutch enough anymore.

[Hollandia]

My SO's best friend was with his wife for 7 years before they got married. With one exception in his friend list, his friends are the same way. I think in certain areas of the US this pushing off of marriage is common. The average age does keep going up. Then again, most of my friends have done it the normal way.

Hmm.........maybe it is a regional thing too. I think USA might really vary depending upon where you live at. I am in East Coast area and 7 years sounds way way way long, like put a ring on it or see ya, to me for anybody I know. I think if you start dating at 16 that is a bit different but those that meet in their late twenties or laer are not okay with 7 years for the most part. why do you need to remain unmarried about you have found the right person if you can marry them? I don't get that. At some point, way before 6 plus years, you should know, or you should get out.

For the record I also don't think you should wait to marry till you can "afford" it. Marriage cost next to nothing....the party costs a lot. If the party is that important to you to put off marrying, then don't bother getting married. Get married as soon as you want too, and when you can afford it later have a party. That is all it is, a party. The rest is hype. The day after it all you have is your marriage and that is all that should matter to being with.

I will marry my SO with a ring from a cereal box at the JOP and go to Burger King afterwards if that is what it takes. When you love someone enough to pick them as your lifemate, you marry. I just have a hard time with hearing it can take 6-10 years to get there..but of course, that is just IMHO.

[dragonlady]

hey try to send you a message but your box is full, hope you dont get 20 messages from me or if it send at all i will found out :P

[Hollandia]

hey try to send you a message but your box is full, hope you dont get 20 messages from me or if it send at all i will found out :P

Ooooo. crud, I will go empty it now. Sorry, the thing fills up quick.

[differentcountries]

I also never understood the "if he doesn't propose until x time"-narrative in American serials, movies or books. It's literally so foreign to me. Getting married after less than three years together seems super early to me. But then if my SO had proposed to me after a year, I would have thought he was crazy and run far, far away.

This. Usually in my country, unless they are concervative Christians (who tend to marry quick), people date for 1-2 years, then move in together for a coouple of years, maybe get a kid, THEN get married. So you can understand it takes some time to get hitched... The proposal can happen publically, but more than often it is just a question put forward privately, or a mutual agreement. The public, dramatic proposals are very exotic to me.

As for cultural differences between our countries, I think for my Turk marriage talk is like...taking the relationship seriously, which it is for me too, but I don't think he sees just living together as a real long-term option, wheras here some long-term couples don't get married at all or they postphone it until after the first or third child. "We don't have time to get married, we are busy raising our kids" is something you hear here a lot.

[differentcountries]

Well, we share a business and a child so that will never completely stop. I also need to go back to USA a lot for now and still have right to use of a shared house. Once I marry my SO , I will close that distance and aside from kid and work me and him won't talk as much. Once he gets to point he moves on and has a GF of his own, he used to after initial split but she hurt him, I will be fine with him visiting me and my new husband in our home. I do admit to trying to help him not hurt so bad by remaining close friends and actually my SO does not mind, he is quite secure with us. I just feel once we marry things will change and it will be better for all.

On a side note, me and my SO in the meanwhile are working on a baby, if that should happen, I know my Ex will move on. I just think he still wishes I would break up with my BF and go back to him and he won't ever really "get" that till I remarry and/or have a baby with my SO. This is not directing any of my decisions in the matter, but I am aware of them.

Ah well that explain things. It is good you are on fairly friendly terms when you share these things. I agree that marriage or/and new baby will give a signal to shift things around a bit.

[Hollandia]

I think in American it is pretty close to average for the engagement to take 1-1.5 years. When I mention waiting X amount of time to get married, I am speaking in terms of pre-engagement. So, when I say 3 years is a long time to get married, I mean to get engaged and then so you are actually not married for close to 4.5 years. I look at it like this, life is short and if you don't know after a few years is this is going to your lifemate then they probably are not. If you do and just keep waiting for the "right time" or to "afford it" then you are just missing out of your of your lives you could be spending married to each other. I believe in marriage and I think it is a wonderful thing and so all I need to want it is the right person. I don't care about the dress or the party or whether or not most of the guests can come or not. I just want to be married to the man I love.

[nottheprincesspeach]

I think in American it is pretty close to average for the engagement to take 1-1.5 years. When I mention waiting X amount of time to get married, I am speaking in terms of pre-engagement. So, when I say 3 years is a long time to get married, I mean to get engaged and then so you are actually not married for close to 4.5 years. I look at it like this, life is short and if you don't know after a few years is this is going to your lifemate then they probably are not. If you do and just keep waiting for the "right time" or to "afford it" then you are just missing out of your of your lives you could be spending married to each other. I believe in marriage and I think it is a wonderful thing and so all I need to want it is the right person. I don't care about the dress or the party or whether or not most of the guests can come or not. I just want to be married to the man I love.

As I know you appreciate opinions, I would like to share mine. My SO had friends who dated for 7 years before getting married. Their life didn't change at all after they got married when we asked about it. When you've been with someone that long you are essentially married. They even said at that point, marriage was just putting it down on paper. Granted this does not fit your situation, as they were living together since after 2 years of being together. You have a big move which requires some level of deep commitment. I don't feel marriage is a necessity as long as the boundaries and commitment levels of a relationship have been discussed. Though I agree that if in a few years you don't feel like you've developed a long lasting commitment (which for most is marriage) you might never. I often get picked at in the U.S. for my opinions on marriage, gender, and kids though.

[Hollandia]

As I know you appreciate opinions, I would like to share mine. My SO had friends who dated for 7 years before getting married. Their life didn't change at all after they got married when we asked about it. When you've been with someone that long you are essentially married. They even said at that point, marriage was just putting it down on paper. Granted this does not fit your situation, as they were living together since after 2 years of being together. You have a big move which requires some level of deep commitment. I don't feel marriage is a necessity as long as the boundaries and commitment levels of a relationship have been discussed. Though I agree that if in a few years you don't feel like you've developed a long lasting commitment (which for most is marriage) you might never. I often get picked at in the U.S. for my opinions on marriage, gender, and kids though.

To each his own of course. Marriage can only be as powerful as you make it. If the two of you look at it as just putting it on paper, then that is all it will be. I was married before and we lived together for a year before hand and were married for several after. It felt quite different to me. Ending it even though long over was hard to do. Me and my SO both look at it the same way. His parent have been married for decades happily and so were mine before my Dad passed. We look at it as making vows to each other, and for me to God, that this is your life mate. I would rather be hit by a bus than to ever go through a divorce again, but I believe so deeply in marriage that I still cannot wait to be married to my baby.

I don't judge people that don't feel that way. If a couple wants to live together forever and does not believe in marriage then I see no reason for them to do it. We have friends that the female will never marry and even though the male wants to, he loves her enough to be okay without it.