I donīt know how I should feel.

Ok guestion
I was willing to leave familie, friends, my good job, my social network my country is giving me. But everytime I try to get closer and willing to move she tells me stuff like. Oh have I told you, I have 100 000€ dept,It took a time for me but I was like ok we can do this. Now she told me oh I have rheumatoid arthritis. I mean itīs not her failt that she has it but if I marry her I am afraid of what will come next.
Oh I canīt get kids?
I will talk to her in a month and she is very understandable, I just donīt know how i should feel about it.
Also would our kids have arthritis too because asthma they will have for sure.
How would you feel?
need advice.
Thomas

[nottheprincesspeach]

RA has genetic components, but is not always genetic. I feel like the issue here is either a lack of openness, or a lack of readiness for that level of commitment. She shouldn't wait till you are willing to move to tell you things that are so important. I have things like this that I always tell in a relationship before things get that serious. I think if you are concerned about what can go wrong with having children you should consider that a million things can and will go wrong when you have a child.

[snow_girl]

Asthma is not hereditary.

[80anthea]

There isn't a thing as how you 'should feel'. You feel like you do! It doesn't matter how any of us feel as we aren't in your situation. You need to talk to her about the feelings you do have about the situation.

[Hollandia]

It's been quite a long time for you to still be going back and forth in this. I think you need to ask yourself and her... are we in this for the long haul or not? If you are, then do you have some end game plans here? If you do, are they fair to both of you? If she has previous debt, it does not mean you have to assume it. Does she have plans to pay it back? If she has illness then why wait so long to tell you about it?

It's been more than 3 years and all this should have come up by now. Sit her down, so to speak, and ask her what you asked us. Is there anything more I need to know? And don't feel bad about it. She should have told you everything by now and I assume you did so she does owe you an apology for it. If she says no there is nothing else and that is it, then you have to decide if you are okay with what you now know.

If you are, stop thinking about the what else, it is like when someone cheats and the other accepts moving past it, you either do or don't. If you do, then do, work together and fight through her hurdles, if you don't then say goodbye and get out.

Do you love her enough to accept this truths you have found out? If you do, make a plan and don't assume you have to "fix" them for her. You need to accept them but fixing her debt is not your problem. I would even consider a discussion about a premarital agreement in the future that would keep you free and clean from them. Her illness on the other hand is just that, an illness, deal with it or get out.

If she has more stuff she is hiding you find out about later, I would run for the hills. After 3 years and you don't open up, you never will and should never be with that person in the long run.