Articles on differences in men and women

[piratemama]

Here are links to two articles on the differences in men and women, and they both make lots of sense. I notice many of us have difficulties in our relationships, because we don't really understand how the other half is thinking. I'm working hard on trying to get where my SO is coming from. Sometimes I get mad at something that he really meant for good, but I simply misunderstood his intentions. These articles really talk more about the male brain, but there is some comparison with women. Hope these articles help you, too. Forgive me if my writing is incoherent or filled with mistakes, but I've been up 17 hours straight and didn't sleep well last night, either. I had to get up early for a job interview this morning. The links:

https://www.cnn.com/2010/OPINION/03/...ne.male.brain/
https://psychcentral.com/news/2010/0...own/18890.html

[Tooki]

I only read the male focused article (the first one) but I think that it's a good reference point, particularly on the area of women in distress and the male resolution process (I've experienced a lot of difficulties in this area!)

[ThePiedPiper]

I have a lot of issues with articles like these when there's a plethora of actual research that supports the opposite. I certainly believe there are differences between the average man and the average woman, but those differences are socialised more than innate. Even in the case of increased brain activity in brain area x or a larger part of brain area y, you have to think about it in terms of how we're shaped. For example, being good with math versus being good with music. If someone places a lot of emphasis on studying math and someone else places a lot of emphasis on studying music, there will be differences in brain activity. Doesn't mean that one is more capable of one art than the other. What I would be curious to look at (and someone point me in the right direction if they know of studies already) is studies looking at brain activity in societies like ours and in cultures where the man has more of a caretaker/child rearing role. I think we might see different biological results when looking at studies based on cultures that are more assimilated versus segregated. Nevertheless, if the articles help one in their relationship or help one find peace with the way their partner handles things, I have less of an issue with that than with the spreading of misinformation or pushing interpretation as absolute fact.

[dragonlady]

I have a lot of issues with articles like these when there's a plethora of actual research that supports the opposite. I certainly believe there are differences between the average man and the average woman, but those differences are socialised more than innate. Even in the case of increased brain activity in brain area x or a larger part of brain area y, you have to think about it in terms of how we're shaped. For example, being good with math versus being good with music. If someone places a lot of emphasis on studying math and someone else places a lot of emphasis on studying music, there will be differences in brain activity. Doesn't mean that one is more capable of one art than the other. What I would be curious to look at (and someone point me in the right direction if they know of studies already) is studies looking at brain activity in societies like ours and in cultures where the man has more of a caretaker/child rearing role. I think we might see different biological results when looking at studies based on cultures that are more assimilated versus segregated. Nevertheless, if the articles help one in their relationship or help one find peace with the way their partner handles things, I have less of an issue with that than with the spreading of misinformation or pushing interpretation as absolute fact.

this! men and females arent different from each other! they are both human, the only difference that i can spot is that men want to solve things (counts for me too bdw and i am a woman) while a woman most of the time only want that the male listens to them. the biggest issue is that people are drummed in that man and females are different instead of just simple talking to each other! and then i really mean TALK!

[Tooki]

this! men and females arent different from each other! they are both human, the only difference that i can spot is that men want to solve things (counts for me too bdw and i am a woman) while a woman most of the time only want that the male listens to them. the biggest issue is that people are drummed in that man and females are different instead of just simple talking to each other! and then i really mean TALK!

My only (nitty gritty) concern with this is that in my experience, talking doesn't do a whole lot as this particular difference, for example, is so fundamental and at the core that it's VERY difficult to change the though process.

[CynicalQuixotic]

The first article is so essentialist that I can't take it seriously. "As a woman who was among the ranks of the early feminists, I wish I could say that men can stop themselves from entering this trance. But the truth is, they can't. Their visual brain circuits are always on the lookout for fertile mates." Please. Men are not animals controlled by their sexual urges. I'm so sick of this stupid Darwinist/evolutionary-based 'differences between the sexes' rhetoric.

Basically, every aspect of life is so influenced by the culture in which we are raised and in which we live that it's pretty much impossible to entirely separate our socially constructed ideas of gender with scientific fact. Are there physiological/hormonal/biological differences between men and women? Obviously. Are they so significant as to transform men and women into such different species that they require reductive articles and even books to "understand" them? I'm skeptical.

I only read the male focused article...

Well, that says a lot, doesn't it?

[differentcountries]

I think she means talking not to change things, but to become aware of things.

There is largely accepted that men and women statistically differ brain wise, usually the debate is over what that means. Is it hormonally induced, or is it part nurture producing changes in the brains? and also how big is the difference - some may focus on the huge overlap, some will focus on that there is a statistical difference, and they may both be right. Either way, it is not like it will suit every person, so maybe it is just as good to point out that there are different ways of processing emotions and it would be good to explore your own way as well as the way of your SO, friends and others close to you.

[differentcountries]

I only read the male focused article but I think that it's a good reference point, particularly on the area of women in distress and the male resolution process (I've experienced a lot of difficulties in this area!)

Oh, they are both male focused!

[CanadianGirl]

I'd have to agree that the difference between how men and women actually behave is much more influenced by socialization than any biological differences. I'm a little skeptical of her "evidence" here, as the brain is typically a lot more mysterious than "what size this bit over here?". Some of the experimental methods she talks about seem a little..questionable to me, but she's listed no citations or links to the studies she's talked about. It's still an "opinion" piece and not an actual, vetted article.

As for the stress article, I don't like looking vulnerable and don't show many people when I'm under stress. Maybe, on average, women have the physiological pathways in place to help to seek outside support, but if I chose to withdraw..what difference does that make if I'm also temporarily better at processing faces? Perhaps studies like this are helpful in identifying patters in human behavior, but just not helpful if you want to apply them to just one person in the context of a relationship.

[piratemama]

I certainly didn't mean to start disagreements, but it's great we can peacefully share our different opinions here. I've been on the confused end of communicating with men over the years. Many times I had problems with men (in family, at work, with friends, and in love) when I simply couldn't grasp the differences in how we think. Yes, some men think like women and vice versa, but we are unique. Of course, any two women are individuals as well, and the same for men. What helps me with these kinds of articles is realizing and accepting that I can't make my SO process information and share emotions the same way I do. He's who he is and made the way he is. Yes, I can strive to understand him and communicate better with him, but I can't change the person I am at my very core. In the same manner, he can't change either, yet he can try to understand my way more.

[dragonlady]

My only (nitty gritty) concern with this is that in my experience, talking doesn't do a whole lot as this particular difference, for example, is so fundamental and at the core that it's VERY difficult to change the though process.

and there you got the problem, because "real men" don't talk about there emotions, and woman only gives hint's thinking they get it. that stupid stuff that the world has forced on us while men and woman are the same! we both cant read mind's or "smell" what the other think. woman should stop giving "hints" and men should talk! if i want my man to vacuum (for example) i am going to tell him that i want the floor to be vacuumed today (yes you need to give a day or time spand because asking to vacuum and then nagging why he hasnt done it yet isnt right. if you tell to vacuum and dont give it a time spand then "hey you didnt say when..)
same goes with feelings if i dont tell him why i am upset, he cant smell it same goes the other way around its simple: say what you wan't and say what you think.

and to piratemama: everybody can change but are you willing too? (not attacking you, saying to everybody who listen) i have a hard time myself stepping out of the role the world has "made" for us. and it is even harder to talk about your emotions and willing to see things from another point of vieuw (damn cant get the word right sorry) and change your own.

hmm i should poke my so he is much better in explaning

[piratemama]

and there you got the problem, because "real men" don't talk about there emotions, and woman only gives hint's thinking they get it. that stupid stuff that the world has forced on us while men and woman are the same! we both cant read mind's or "smell" what the other think. woman should stop giving "hints" and men should talk! if i want my man to vacuum (for example) i am going to tell him that i want the floor to be vacuumed today (yes you need to give a day or time spand because asking to vacuum and then nagging why he hasnt done it yet isnt right. if you tell to vacuum and dont give it a time spand then "hey you didnt say when..)
same goes with feelings if i dont tell him why i am upset, he cant smell it same goes the other way around its simple: say what you wan't and say what you think.

and to piratemama: everybody can change but are you willing too? (not attacking you, saying to everybody who listen) i have a hard time myself stepping out of the role the world has "made" for us. and it is even harder to talk about your emotions and willing to see things from another point of vieuw (damn cant get the word right sorry) and change your own.

hmm i should poke my so he is much better in explaning

I sure have been trying to change. It's sooo hard! My SO is really good at taking time to think over a comment before replying, and he also thinks over decisions, too. I've always been way too quick to reply without filtering my comments, and I've made way too many decisions without thinking them through. I'm trying to follow my SO's example and be more deliberate and careful, esp. with my mouth. I falter and make mistakes, but I'm getting better.

I've also always been the one to lead in relationships, esp. in my first marriage, but I'm trying to be more respectful of my SO. His opinions matter, and I realize I'm not always right. I'm not the only one that can do things, either. Changes are hard to make, but I'm trying to see things more his way.

[Photonut]

Come on....men are not some complex beings who need to have their brains analyzed to try to figure out how to communicate and the same goes for women. You, as a person, need to figure out why you have personal issues with talking to members of the opposite sex. It has nothing to do with how different our brains are.

[differentcountries]

My SO hints. About everything, most of the time (but when he is blunt, he is REALLY blunt). I was not even raised with girls hinting (they don't do that much in the North where I grew up, it was considered childish or weak if you didn't state your mind). Being a grown woman, I have gotten to know women who not only hint, but seem to be under the impression that all women do and all men should, which is hilarious to me. I do see the point of being polite - it can be very nice. And hinting is a part of politeness i many cases. But it doesn't work well if everybody is equally polite, because we need the other mode as well . And men, I think they are often funny in the ways they try to convice themselves they are rational, which they are not - often they seem to forget that anger is an emotional expression... Or they will look all blank, but the eyes will give them away. That is adorable.

I think we all can benifit from trying something new in communication. Being straightforward yet kind can go a long way if you are not used to being straightforward, or kind. Everybody can change a little something in their lives, and the easiest way to do that is change ourselves in a tiny way. Like examining and talking about not only what you think, but also how you feel on a deeper level. I was once told that if you feel flustered with emotionas and you wonder if you are scared or angry, try to notice wether the blood of your body flows towards your feet or your hands. If they flow towards your hands, it means you are angry, because your fists get ready to fight. If they flow towards your feet, it means you are scared, because your body prepares to run away. The blood always flow towards the most important part of the body. Often we are both a bit angry and a bit scared, and then the blood may flow equally to the hands and feet.... I never thought about that before it was pointed out to me. I would think "I am upset", and maybe deny that I was scared (always afraid to be labelled childish) - but actually since coming to terms with being scared some of the time, I have an easier time when that happens; I may be scared, but it is not SCARY...because I know myself better from it.

[piratemama]

Come on....men are not some complex beings who need to have their brains analyzed to try to figure out how to communicate and the same goes for women. You, as a person, need to figure out why you have personal issues with talking to members of the opposite sex. It has nothing to do with how different our brains are.

The only personal issue I have is trying to communicate better with everybody.