Financial Crisis

[glasspaper]

It sucks to having such a financial crisis when your SO going to visit you for the first time soon.
I lost my business, it was my only financial source for the last couple of years.
It's kind of terrible thing, i lost almost everything that money can counts.
And now i'm still looking and still working to get a job, while i have some debts in hands from the business failure.
The job hunting is not that easy for someone who just a highschool graduate like me.
I even somewhat thinkin about stripping for money, but i realized thats just a crazy thought produced by my stressed head lately lol.
He knows what happened with my business, and i just told him that i'm gonna move out.
Last time we talked on the phone, i told him that i don't know if i can host him a place to stay, and he said that he will just stay in hotel when he is here.
I feel so bad that i can't financialy contributing or at least providing him my place for him to stay during his visit.
I feel really suck.
I'm so excited that i will meet him and all.
But it still makes me so sad, i feel stuck so i'm just crying a lot to help me cope a lil.
Any thoughts or advice for this?
Or anybody have/had simillar situation when theres nothing much you can do in the financial part for your relationship too?
Share

[FoxFight]

I'm sorry to hear about your financial problems, and about your business... What awful timing. I know maybe it's a little bit embarrassing, but remember that everyone goes through hard times, especially financially these days. Your SO will understand if you are honest with him. It sounds like he may have the money to help out with his visit, and doesn't mind contributing.

Just remember that it's not about what you do together, it's about the quality of time you're spending together. Many of my favourite memories with my SO are the simpler moments in life; like picking him up at the airport (that hug!), spending lazy days laying out on a secluded beach or under a tree, or just sitting together privately in a bus station or coffee shop and sharing our hopes and dreams together. Try to quiet your fears about money, jobs, and finances while he is there and maybe consider planning some cheap or free activities to do together ahead of time so that you're not scrambling to keep busy and feeling guilty when he arrives.

You're going to have a wonderful time regardless, and if it's your first time meeting (?) I doubt you would be able to focus much on anything besides him anyways

[Ahava]

I'm so sorry to hear things are tough for you.
My situation isn't as bad as yours, I have a job and a place to stay.
But I don't have any extra after food and bills, so at the moment our situation is that, that my SO is traveling to see me as I can't afford to go see him.
He usually pays for things when we meet, coz he's a gentleman. I would like to be the one paying for food etc when he comes and visits me, but that's not always the case.

I think FoxFight gave you really good advice. Do fun inexpensive stuff together. Go for a picknick, swimming, walking, ice creams, coffee, exploring by foot etc.

[glasspaper]

I'm sorry to hear about your financial problems, and about your business... What awful timing. I know maybe it's a little bit embarrassing, but remember that everyone goes through hard times, especially financially these days. Your SO will understand if you are honest with him. It sounds like he may have the money to help out with his visit, and doesn't mind contributing.

Just remember that it's not about what you do together, it's about the quality of time you're spending together. Many of my favourite memories with my SO are the simpler moments in life; like picking him up at the airport (that hug!), spending lazy days laying out on a secluded beach or under a tree, or just sitting together privately in a bus station or coffee shop and sharing our hopes and dreams together. Try to quiet your fears about money, jobs, and finances while he is there and maybe consider planning some cheap or free activities to do together ahead of time so that you're not scrambling to keep busy and feeling guilty when he arrives.

You're going to have a wonderful time regardless, and if it's your first time meeting (?) I doubt you would be able to focus much on anything besides him anyways

Thank you foxfight,
He knows about my situation, and i honestly kind of surprised that he still around and even doesn't change his mind to come and see me.
Not sure about the money thing on his part, but i know that he's working hard for this visit, but i think he already has been figured out about how much he needs for this visit his self.
But still, i feel so bad and just wish that i could at least have my own place for him to stay, i want to treat him like he is at home and doing those cozy lazy at homey things like you just mentioned
Yes it's our first meet up in person, i'm so excited to death lol
And ohh, you're right maybe i shouldn't have to be too worry about it all, actually i've been thinking about it a lot these last couple days. And it makes me having some bad mood and grumpy here and there, he maybe notices and feels it.
And it's funny, because we almost had a lil missunderstanding over noodles, lol yes noodles, yesterday.
We both know that it's a tiny lil thing to fight over, but i guess we're trying to just get over it quick.
Thats weird lol.

[glasspaper]

I'm so sorry to hear things are tough for you.
My situation isn't as bad as yours, I have a job and a place to stay.
But I don't have any extra after food and bills, so at the moment our situation is that, that my SO is traveling to see me as I can't afford to go see him.
He usually pays for things when we meet, coz he's a gentleman. I would like to be the one paying for food etc when he comes and visits me, but that's not always the case.

I think FoxFight gave you really good advice. Do fun inexpensive stuff together. Go for a picknick, swimming, walking, ice creams, coffee, exploring by foot etc.

Thank you Ahava.
Yeah, girl you know that we want to make our SO happy, especially when he is visiting us in our country.
The financial problem could be a bummer.
However i'm sure that there are some other way to still make him happy.
Thats awesome that your SO is a nice gentleman. Lucky you
Hows his reaction when he first visiting you and figure out your situation there?

[Ahava]

Thank you Ahava.
Yeah, girl you know that we want to make our SO happy, especially when he is visiting us in our country.
The financial problem could be a bummer.
However i'm sure that there are some other way to still make him happy.
Thats awesome that your SO is a nice gentleman. Lucky you
Hows his reaction when he first visiting you and figure out your situation there?

I started replying to this yesterday, but something came up.
The good news he isn't with me because of my money LOL
I first visited him in October 2012 and then he came to see me between Christmas and New Year.
He knew my situation, maybe not as severe as it was at times. I didn't tell him about the tears etc when going through really rough times and not knowing how to cope and get through the month. You don't really want to put all that out at the beginning of a relationship. But as time goes by and I've learnt to trust him and trust that he isn't going to go away, I am learning to truthfully tell him about stuff no matter how embarrased I feel.
He just wants me to be happy and has told me not to stress about money.
I can finally see a little light at the end of the tunnel as in a couple months I will be rid of one loan I have been paying for years

[piratemama]

Like Ahava, I've had some tough times that I didn't share with my SO. My SO knows I'm looking for work and having a hard time, but he has no idea how bad it has been a time or two. He has offered to help me financially, but I don't want him to. I see no reason why others can't accept gifts of money or help, but it's not right for me. For one, I want to show that I can find a way on my own and don't have to have a man to take care of me. I need to know that for myself. But also, I want my SO to know deep in his heart that I love him for who he is and not what he can do for me. I know that is one fear he has had about me in the beginning stages of our relationship. It's been a tough year or two for my daughter and me, but we have learned a lot about what's important and how to be frugal. I have lots of funny stories on that one! We are keeping a sense of humor about it most of the time, although I have lost some sleep over bills and such. But, like Ahava said, the time does come that you can see the light at the end of the tunnel. Keep walking ahead and you will see that light.

As for the feeling bad about what you can do for your SO: if your SO cares about you at all, he won't care about what you do for him - he'll only care that you want to be with him. I think most everybody on this forum would agree that the most important thing about a visit with the SO is the time together. A funny story to illustrate that point: my SO and I spent a week together, and all I wanted to do was talk and look at him. And, well, spend time in the room, too. He wanted to be a tourist and see the sights (which takes money, of course). I still tease him about how much he wanted to get out of the room, and I wanted to stay in it! Don't get me wrong, we did spend lots of time in that room just enjoying one another. The best memories of that whole trip involve those moments we weren't spending any money.

It is frustrating wanting to do for someone and not having the money. I really would have loved to do something big for my SO for Christmas, but I did what I could and tried to be thoughtful about it.

Think of ways you can show your love without money. Those are the best anyway. Good luck with everything.