Trust issues

[Atreyu]

Hi there everybody,

I'm new here. yayy I'm very happy that i have found this forum. It's very beautiful!

I met my LD lover online on a facebook support group and we skype almost daily.
We are very very in love with eachother.

But one problem that is on my mind these days...Which I want to rant about.

Our plan is that we are going to book for the 16th of April. I will fly to San francisco where she lives.
So we want to book that date.

Now, we agreed on booking half of the price of the ticket. Because it is a lot of money.

She says that she can book in Mid March. I feel very bad and guilty for my emotional feelings, because I experience some trust issues.

Will this really happen? I can't shake the negative feeling off me.

I know for sure, the moment it really will happen, I will be so happy. But I keep on thinking, Nah. It's not gonna happen.

It is very logical why I have this problem: I used to have 2 LDR before and both of them found another lover nearby. Was very painful.

But this time, I feel a deeper connection with this person, we have a way better emotional understanding, we are way closer than I was with those two.

We actually share so much in common, we have the same fears, we shared tears and painful moments, and we can really laugh about the same things.

Anyways; I wonder if any of you have trust issues with a LDR. It's very scary, and I hope it will really happen!

Just wanted to share this off my chest.

Thank you for taking the time to read this and have a good day.

[Alsfia]

Have you talked to her about your fears yet? Communication is the key here to build trust to start with. You do need to remember this LDR is not your previous ones and to keep them separate. LDRs in particular require a lot of trust and communication from both parts to work!

With that said, your relationship is still very new, I'd say take one day at a time and enjoy getting to know each other better while planning your first visit! And April is really not that far off, some of the members here have gone or go through years before meeting and make it work.

Best of luck!

[Alsfia]

Oh and welcome

[Hollandia]

Did something happen with THIS relationship to put any red flags up? If not ,then try to remember not to punish her for any Ex's sins. If something did, I missed it, can you explain?

[Atreyu]

Have you talked to her about your fears yet? Communication is the key here to build trust to start with. You do need to remember this LDR is not your previous ones and to keep them separate. LDRs in particular require a lot of trust and communication from both parts to work!

With that said, your relationship is still very new, I'd say take one day at a time and enjoy getting to know each other better while planning your first visit! And April is really not that far off, some of the members here have gone or go through years before meeting and make it work.

Best of luck!

Thank you so much for your reply! You're totally right, she is not my previous relationship, she is so much different. you're right.

I did tell her about the fear and she told me we will make it happen, no matter what. So she definitely reassured me. I just can't believe it yet, it's hard for me to trust in things. But yeah we have very good communication, so yes, we do communicate about our fears. She has a lot of fears too.

And yes i agree on the getting to know each other part.

Thank you very much for your reply, very helpful. It's very true that I should not compare her to my exes. Thank you so much!

[Sanja]

Welcome

I'm not sure that having trust issues so early in a relationship is a good thing. I understand your concerns, but at the same time, you can't compare the relationships. If you want it to work out, you must be able to trust your SO. It's good that you will be meeting soon. Hopefully you will be reassured. Good luck!

[Atreyu]

Did something happen with THIS relationship to put any red flags up? If not ,then try to remember not to punish her for any Ex's sins. If something did, I missed it, can you explain?

Yes, we wanted to book the flight 3 weeks ago, we agreed on paying halve of the ticket price, but when we were about to book, she realized she didn't have enough money. So yeah, we were both very sad about it. But she then told me we will have to wait til Mid march when she gets her money, so yeah I think I'm just afraid we will face another bummer. But maybe not, maybe It's just my fear talking. She said we will really book soon, so hopefully we can celebrate soon

[Atreyu]

Welcome

I'm not sure that having trust issues so early in a relationship is a good thing. I understand your concerns, but at the same time, you can't compare the relationships. If you want it to work out, you must be able to trust your SO. It's good that you will be meeting soon. Hopefully you will be reassured. Good luck!

Yeah, but i must say that the trust issues is mostly my own individual problem, doesn't matter how much people reassure me, I will always feel insecure deep down. Because I have bipolar disorder/borderline. So it's not her at all she's wonderful, it's just something I need to work on myself. I am seeing a therapist for it and I am going to support groups, so hopefully in time I learn to believe in things!

But you're right, I should trust her. I think after I met her in person, it definitely grows. I think through the internet it always feels a bit suspicious and some sort of distant, so it will change i'm sure.

Thank you for your insight

[Hollandia]

Yes, we wanted to book the flight 3 weeks ago, we agreed on paying halve of the ticket price, but when we were about to book, she realized she didn't have enough money. So yeah, we were both very sad about it. But she then told me we will have to wait til Mid march when she gets her money, so yeah I think I'm just afraid we will face another bummer. But maybe not, maybe It's just my fear talking. She said we will really book soon, so hopefully we can celebrate soon

Well, if you were able to pay for it, not telling you too, and she was okay to go, then you would know it is simply financial. Money gets in the way for many of us all the time. If you really wanted for her to go earlier, next time, you can offer to front the money and have her pay you back when she has it.

[Atreyu]

Well, if you were able to pay for it, not telling you too, and she was okay to go, then you would know it is simply financial. Money gets in the way for many of us all the time. If you really wanted for her to go earlier, next time, you can offer to front the money and have her pay you back when she has it.

Yeah true, money problems happen. And yeah I would love to pay it myself, but my parents are pretty against that. They say we should pay halve because it's a lot of money. Well, if she really can't pay, and we can't meet in 2014, i will pay it myself anyway. Because I love her too much to not see her this year. Will see what happens.

Thank you

[Hollandia]

Yeah true, money problems happen. And yeah I would love to pay it myself, but my parents are pretty against that. They say we should pay halve because it's a lot of money. Well, if she really can't pay, and we can't meet in 2014, i will pay it myself anyway. Because I love her too much to not see her this year. Will see what happens.

Thank you

Understandable both ways. I hope it all turns out for the best.

[aojeda50]

This is my first even LDR. I didn't know what to expect from this. I don't really have trust issues myself. I tend to be positive for the most part, but I also try not to let that cloud my judgement.
My SO and I have complete faith in one another and trust as well. We both work hard to make this relationship work.
I am sure both of you work just as hard. This is scary, I know how that feels. When I decided to first meet my SO in person, it was nerve racking, mostly because I was doing everything on my own for the first time. Once I purchased the ticket, all the fear and doubt went away. All that was left was excitement.
April is right around the corner. If you have a good gut feeling that she cares for you just as much as you do for her, then it should work out.

[piratemama]

I think you are asking about general trust issues in an LDR, so that's what I'll refer to in my post. Trust is difficult in any relationship, whether you are far away or in the same home. I always struggle with trusting because of the many times I've been hurt in the past. I'm constantly talking to myself, reminding myself that I should trust until given a reason not to. It's a battle. An LDR does offer even more doubts, but we still should trust until given good reason not to. To me, trust is a decision, a choice. Now I'm not saying that you pick trusting someone that has lied or cheated, but rather that you make the decision to actively focus on the good and positive. Refuse to focus on what might happen, but rather what has happened that gives you faith in your SO. I'm way more a "glass is half full" person, but I have to work on it.

Sometimes I feel my SO is way too good for me, and I know he'll find that tall blonde with the big boobs and dump me. Those are bleak moments for me. Thankfully, my sassy self comes back out soon, and I think that would be his loss. I also think back over all the many times he's proven how trustworthy he is.

In the end, we can live in fear or in love. Be yourself, love with all your might, prove you are trustworthy, and hang on for that wonderful visit you will soon have.