New to the forum, LDR advice would be awesome

[IAm_Jenks]

Hey everyone!

So this is the first forum I've ever signed up to. My name is Chris, I'm 23 and live in the UK.

I'm in a LDR with a girl from Peterborough, 100 miles from me. We've been together just over 4 years, are engaged, and I suppose the reason I'm here is because as I'm sure a lot of you know, a LDR at times can be extremely hard to cope with. Both of us since Jan have started full time jobs in our separate cities, and since then the difficulty has increased big time. I have weekends free myself, but until April my girl also works Fri and Sat nights. So basically, we have no real time to spend with each other. This has caused huge stress for both of us, and the last few visits have been horrible. We see each other every 3/4 weeks for a few days, due to work. Even after 4 years I still find it so hard leaving her to come home, I literally feel like someone its tearing me apart. I hate being away from her.

Why don't we move in together? Because right now, she has to look after her Mother who is struggling financially. I would love to move there, and have mentioned it many times, but my girl said that due to my job (I'm a designer at Microsoft here in the UK) she won't let me do that. She can't be held responsible for "ruining my career", which I do understand. But I would literally give up anything for her, that's how much I love her. I would be the happiest guy alive if I could move up there, I really would. My girl said she would move down at some point this year hopefully, but that's not guaranteed. And I think the thing I crave the most in this relationship is guarantee, something definite. Because from day 1 nothing has been, it's just a case of "let's do our best to keep this going and see where we end up".

I'm ready to start a proper life with her, more ready than ever. I just get so frustrated that there seems to always be something in the way.

That's all for now, no real point to the post really.. but if anyone has any advice or wants to say anything please do. It would really help to speak to someone in a similar relationship, I don't like mentioning stuff to my girl too much because it gets her down as well.

[squeeker]

Okay so I think since you have a good job, you should make sure you try and save as much as you can from it, just in case it does work out better for you to move there.. and then you can look for work there.. but I don't know how likely it is you will find a job closer to her.. since you both are working you both should be able to save up.. though I understand how looking after her mother would use a lot of her financial resources and saving is hard! My boyfriend is tied financially quite close to his dad, and is going to university right now to get a better job. I'm studying a degree in Canada to help, and hopefully it will mean there's more of a chance at least one of us will get a good job.. anyways..

I get how it is hard to keep leaving her.. I know each time I've had to leave my SO, it's been so difficult, though we don't visit that often.. since we are international, we try and take a longer visit less often to make it more worth the flight costs. :P

I think once you have a decent amount of money saved, then you can look towards where it is better to live. My advice is for you not to give up your job, unless you find a suitable one closer where she lives or you have a good amount saved up so that you will be okay for money until you can find a job there.. however long it takes. And leave your job on good terms IF you do that, so that if needed and you move back to Slough in the future, you can try and get it back (if it's still available).

I totally get that you just want to start a life with her.. and I bet it feels even harder because you are so close and so it feels like you could technically just move up to live with her.. but you also want to make sure you do things right, and either have a job lined up or have significant amounts of savings (the more the better). Cherish the time you have together and try and increase your savings maybe, because the more you can save, the easier and less stressful moving will be when it comes to it... seeing as moving costs a lot, even within the same country! So good luck and stay strong!

[Marleigh-Nicole]

I know how you feel wanted something set in stone so that you have that to hold on to.
I asked my boyfriend to move to where in live (in England) to finish college as he has to change coarses anyway. And even though it would only be for 2 years until I finish the school I'm at to start uni in scotland, he said there was no way. And that hurts. Knowing I'd give up everything to be with him, he wouldn't even spend 2 years here when I'd be there for 7. It's litterally tearing us apart (sorry, not meaning to sound dicouraging).
I think you've litterally just got to hang in there, take everything day by day and be thankful for having what you do and for as long as you have.
Maybe try talking to her, you never know, it might really help. And after all, if you want to move to her, it's your decision as long as she wants you there.

[Lilly9886]

Welcome to LFAD!