I'm having such a hard time...

[Boo.]

My boyfriend is here for the week. I should be happy, right? Of course! I'm 100% happy... Until my mom comes around. She's extremely abusive and has been extra bad since he got here. To the point where all I wanna do is sit here and cry for the rest of the week. I don't understand why him being here has made her so much worse, but she is.

I don't even know what to do at this point... If she continues acting like this, I'm thinking about just packing a bag and going back with him. It's just so hard... I haven't flown since I was a little girl. I have terrible anxiety now (thanks to my mom) and I have a job, school, and other responsibilities here. I'm afraid that moving there will "ruin my life." But isn't staying here with her ruining my life, too?

I'm so conflicted. I mean, there's a good chance that even if she gets nicer this week while he's here, she might get worse again after he leaves. And then I'll be too afraid to fly alone, so I'll just have to stay here. If I move there, I'll be moving in with his family. Which his family would be fine with... I just won't have a job or a car or my dog or my stuff...

I feel so heartbroken right now and I should be the happiest person ever because I just got to spend part of my day with my boyfriend.

This sucks. Sorry for whining. I just need to rant somewhere right now because I'm about to lose it. Is "closing the distance" because of such awful circumstances (and possibly losing my dog, my possessions, and the little bit of good that's left in my relationship with my mom) a good idea? If it wasn't for my dog (my baby), I don't even think I'd care anymore...

[Chillosaurus]

Sounds to me like you might know your answer already. Do not let fears hold you back, they usually don't give good advice.

[itsjen516]

its not fair to you to live in an abusive home with your mom. if i were you i would pack up and go change is good. and take your dog with you start a new life . i know a guy who moved to hawaii and he loves it there and seems to be very happy so it is a good place to live. good luck to you and you know we are all here to listen

[squeeker]

Hmm well if she is being abusive, and you wouldn't regret moving to be with your boyfriend at this point, it sounds right. It might even help your relationship, since I can see sometimes relationships with parents can be more stressed when you are all living under one roof. My boyfriend's dad can sometimes make me upset when I stay at their house, because he has had a rough time in the past and he can normally be great but has sometimes gotten into this bad place where it's almost emotionally abusive. If I don't speak when he is like that then he won't get at me, but it's hard to hear him talk to my boyfriend like that. I think it's a product of divorced parents, because then sometimes the parent will expect their child to be their best friend and maybe she's getting abusive because now that your boyfriend is here you are spending less time with her and more time with your boyfriend. I know that sometimes my boyfriend's dad has said that or implied it, even though it's not like my they talk and hang out all the time and he still talks to him even when I'm there. That might be part of your problem. I don't know how bad it is, and I can see you would not want to jeopardize your relationship with your mom, but if it really is that bad, then maybe the best thing is to move with your boyfriend, even if just for a bit of time. You are still in the same country, and you can try and call your mom when you get there or something and try and talk to her, and tell her how you feel, which might be easier through a phone or through a facebook message, so you can type everything out the way you want it first, to make sure you get out your feelings properly.

I don't know if that helped, I hope you figure something out, and I'm sure you will make the best decision for you!

[blueorchid1]

I definitely feel that you should follow your heart. Yes, it is such a scary decision, but if you trust your relationship and your SO then trust your heart!
If you decide to leave you can take your dog with you! Animals can fly too (for a price). You can always find a job where your SO lives, and as for losing what good is left between yourself and your mother? Trust yourself. Take those hood and wonderful memories and always keep them with you!
If you do decide to go, then it may even help your relationship with your mother.

I had a friend in highschool whose mother was very overprotective and emotionally abusive. My friend moved out of state for college to escape her mother and it got her mom to realize how toxic she was for her daughter. Now they are very kind to each other.

I'm not saying it will always work out 100% but you being happy is priority number 1!!!

Please trust yourself and follow your heart, it will never do you wrong.

[piratemama]

Sounds like your mother is like mine, controlling and demanding. My dad died when I was young, and my mother remarried, but for only a very short time. After that divorce, she didn't date. She wanted me to meet all her needs. When I got serious with a guy, she pitched a fit. I was 23. She and I had a huge falling out, and I haven't recovered from it yet. Once I did marry, she expected to go on all our vacations with us, eat dinner with us all the time, and spend all holidays with us. She wanted to live her life through our lives, not on her own. The only reason she didn't pitch a fit when I did marry was that guy was willing to spend lots of time with her. Now, he and I are divorced.

My mother even kept me from going off to college to be a teacher which I have always regretted. She wanted me home. I ended up going to a local school and getting a Business Administration degree. I should have gone off to join the service - that's another huge regret. I didn't realize the importance of serving one's country until I was too old to be accepted.

Don't let your mother run your life. It's hard to stop, but you have to do what makes you happy. Don't be ugly to her, but be firm. Good luck.