Not a good situation

[TristenLove]

For the last year or 2 my moms been trying to get me to date this guy she works with. No body in my family likes my SO at all in fact, they pretty much hate him. I've heard everything from he has cheater potential, they could see him wanting to be a swinger, he's controlling, etc etc etc...
I love my SO, and I've also talked to him about these things. But I've also had suspicions of my own. I've seen some things, like messages he sent saying 'so yes to dating me? take the chance' to other girls. and other girls calling all the time at all times of the day and night. Girls who have called themselves his girlfriends. I'm not allowed to talk to any of these 'crazy girls'. Really? I could understand one girl possibly, but 4? I'm not stupid.
Well, the day after he left I started working at the same place my mom does. While having having lunch with her one day I met a friend of hers who told me to keep an out for his little brother and get to know him. Turns out, this little brother (who is extremely attractive) is the same kid my mom's been trying to get me to meet and that I work about 6 ft away from.
One day, out of nowhere, this kid starts talking to me. and that progressed into flirting, and I couldn't help but flirt back. He knew I had a boyfriend, so it's harmless right?
Well, Thursday (our Friday for most people), he gave me his number. It was so cute how too. I was sitting there working, all flustered and not feeling well and he walked by again (he'd been walking by my station talking to me all day), and he tossed something on my desk and said "That's important. Don't lose it. So like, put it in your shoe or something" I almost threw it away because it was part of the wrapping that our work suppliese are in. But I opened it and all it was his name and phone number. I gave him mine and reminded him that I have a boyfriend. But the act of giving him my number made his face light up like a kid on Christmas.
He had texted me almost the second we got out of work.
Today I hear from my mom about how his brother thinks he really likes me, and that he warned Jonny that he "had better flirt respectfully with his coworkers daughter". And well I kinda have a little crush on him too.
Mic has started talking about getting engaged and I'm excited about that. But it's also got me freaking out. I really do love him, but IDK if I can deal with the other girls, the ex wife, and not being able to settle down in one place near my family.

This isn't a good situation at all.
Any advice?

[Silviar]

I'm going to answer this as if I were in your shoes. That's how I give advice.

The crazy women around him is a sign of a cheater. You can google signs of a cheater, and 'crazy ex's" as his description of all the girls who contact him, and the messages he sends, are both huge, red flag "I'm a player/cheater" signs. That would make me extremely wary, but if I loved my SO enough, I'd find a way to work it out. Part of that working out would be a lot of talking about respect and his lack thereof.

However, if it came down to get serious time, and I didn't think I'd be able to 1) settle down and 2) be near my family, and those were really, really important to me, I'd reconsider the relationship. If it's important to you that you have someone who can be flexible enough to move near them, that needs to be made a priority, not shoved in a closet.

And speaking from personal experience, if the ex is somehow engaged in his life "like a child, etc), you WILL have to put up with her your entire marriage. It's not fun or easy.

Personally, I think Jonny is treating you very respectfully, and a hell of a lot better it sounds like than your SO. If he makes you that happy, whereas your SO just makes you crazy, then you know your answer. Engagements by nature are exciting. Maybe he's just talking that to keep you close, or maybe he really means it. But you have to approach him and your situations with clear eyes. Wipe the stardust away.

[noodle]

hmm... well... this is tricky...
I am not sure what kind of advice I should give you. I personally think (and I act that way) that if I found the love of my life theres no reason to flirst with other guys, I mean I wouldnt want my SO to flirt with other girls as well even if it might be harmless, but still I dont really accept it as 'normal' maybe its just me. And than again if you say you have a crush on your co-worker I think that you probably arent ready yet to get engaged and so on.
I hope you dont get me wrong, I dont want you to think that you're doin it wrong, and bein a bad girl or bad girlfriend, not at all. It's just my way of thinkin it. Maybe its just me, maybe Im too extreme but I do think if you're really committed to your bf there is only him and him ONLY. You know what I mean?
So maybe think about it, think about who will be your one. Is it really Mic? Is it really Jonny? Maybe its none of them both.
But we're all different and we all have different opinions.
(and sorry if I got things wrong I dont know your story etc)

[LadyMarchHare]

An engagement isn't going to solve the problem, hon, sad to say. The guy obviously is dipping his fingers in other glasses of water and a ring on your finger or his isn't going to keep him from dunking his whole hand in later. Have you pointed out you're aware of these women? Might be a good idea but at this point if it's been going on a while, you're better off with the guy in your mom's office.

[Caitlin2009]

Ya know that sounds like alot like my ex....he would tell me all these things that other woman/men would try and do or say to him, but when i wanted to confront them he wouldnt let me saying it wasent a big deal and he could handle it, also i had i numerous people over the couple of years that we were dating tell me things he was doing with other girls behind my back and i refused to listen, i wish i had listened to them. And i was always suspicous that he was doing shit but he would tell me i was overeacting, put it this way if you have your suspicions its more then likely he is doing all those things and you need to talk to him and follow your gut instincts about these things, like you said 1 girl is most likely trying to break you two up but more then 1 person telling you these things is very very suspicous

[paulawriteslove]

Before you and your current SO start talking about engagements and such, you need to work out your problems first. You need to talk about those crazy girls and how they make you feel. Because if you two just get engaged it wont solve any problems. I don't know what other advice I could give you. I think you need to maybe write down a pros and cons list. Best of luck

[Zephii]

O.o Hun, I think he's cheating on you.
I hate to say it, but sometimes your family can see things in the person you are dating that you can not. I wish I'd listened to my family with the one I was dating before Obi, but it's easy to make other excuses for why family might have an issue with a SO instead of actually seeing it from their point of view.

If there are women who think they are his girlfriends, they probably actually are. "I'm letting them think that so I don't hurt their feelings" is a very worn out tired excuse. If he didn't want them calling he would tell them so or change his number. Not letting you speak to them is simply a way so that you don't talk to them and all realise you're being played for fools.

As for the other guy? Well, there's no harm in being flirty friends because you obviously remember at all time you're taken. I'd say deal with your SO first, either by sorting out exactly what is going on or by leaving him, and then figure out this other guy later.

[Tanja]

I'm just gonna be blunt and honest here - the fact that you flirted with another guy AND gave him your phone number is saying something about your relationship. You don't know for sure if your SO is cheating on you or not, he might just be thinking about it and/or just flirt innocently with girls, whatever the situation is I think you need to talk to him ASAP.

I don't think you're ready for engagement because if you loved your SO enough to get married you wouldn't even think about other guys.... if you genuinely like your co-worker and wanna try your chances with him then break things up with your SO first before you lead the poor other fella on too much in case you and your SO decide to stay together after all.

[Mio]

I think you should try to ask him directly, and put the relationship in the right place. I don't believe is good to be involved in 2 waters at the same time.

[Karringtyn]

I think your doubts have caused you to double think things...and the fact that you gave your number and have admitted you have a crush on another guy...When couples start crossing the line...and delving into flirting and exchanging numbers....all it does is cause more stress and problems...Your SO is far away and this guy is right here and convenient..

I really think you should do some heart searching....

[TristenLove]

Well, I just got off the phone with Mic. Who happened to just get off the phone with the ex wife.
A little back ground for you:
They aren't officially divorced yet, just in the process. They didn't get it over with earlier because of the convenience for both of them. He being allowed to live in base housing, she receiving the medical benefits of being a military spouse. I know the divorce isn't a lie, I've seen the paper work, listened to them discuss how to work it all out, he's asked my opinion on when to get it done (we decided it would be best to wait to and get it done til after I get there.), talked to his dad about it, I even packed and shipped everything that she had left in the house belonging to her from idaho to missouri. So that's the honest truth.
Anyway, Mic and I have been together 5 months, from March 30. Well, he called after getting off the phone with her. She confessed that she had 'cheated' on him back in July. When he was obviously 'cheating' on her too. And he was upset. Saying that he wanted to go hurt this guy, and that he was angry, and etc. And I was hurt.
His anger relayed to me that he's not quite over her and maybe isn't ready for this relationship.

That conversation really didn't help ease any of my doubts that I've been having.
I was really very hurt by his anger about it. Even more hurt than any of the other drama put together.
Am I just being overly sensitive and blowing things out of proportion? or do you get the same feeling that he's not ready for this?

[loveonspeedial]

Well, first off, flirting isn't harmless. It's showing the other person that you're interested and t hat's not a good foot to start on especially if you might actually be interested in the other person

and if I were in your shoes I'd recongize as othrs have said that your so sounds like a cheater. I know it's super hard to hear I had to watch my roommate go through it when she started dating her ex Camy, she got a few msgs from girls, he's cheating on you, still sleeping with me etc. Camy says oh those are just my crazy exs..etc. I see camy with another girl I tell her, I say look he's cheating on you, she kicks me out stops talking to me.

What does she finally realize? He was cheating on her the ENTIRE relationship with one of his co workers, "oh no we're just friends seeing a movie together" He didn't even break up with her and started dating the other girl and cheated on both of them. So My roommate tells the other girl and the other girl is like W/E YOU'RE JUST CRAZY.

It's a horrible cycle. Seriously.

[loveonspeedial]

All cheaters get angry and what not when you start having doubts, that's just how they work.

[annamorgan]

My opinion is that his whole heart isn't in the relationship, and neither is yours. If you are both talking/flirting with other people, then you aren't fully in the relationship together. You need to search deepdown and figure out what you want and so does he.

[paulawriteslove]

I think you need to take some time to gather your thoughts and feelings on this situation. Since I've never been in a position like this before I can't give you any specific advice. But I do think you should talk to him and tell him how this situation is affecting you. Best of luck!