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    She wants to wait.

    I don't know how I feel about this. Well, I do. I'm happy, very happy. Yet I'm also scared. I'm 17, just turned. The girl I love is 14, turning 15 in July. We met over a chat site called Chatango in late 2012, and since then have become best friends who cannot live without each other. Since I couldn't date back then (and still can't) even though we liked each other, we seemingly moved on from each other. In all honesty, my feelings never truly went away. I had fleeting crushes, things I thought were serious or could actually go somewhere someday after my parental ban on females was lifted, but I was only fooling myself. Each time I gave the ones I wanted some real thought, I came to the realization that I couldn't date anyway and either told them how I felt just to get it out, or let my crush die out. We had a little break in October 2013, she got into another relationship and we didn't talk for a little while. To my dismay and hers, the guy cheated on her. She was really torn up after that, it was her first relationship that wasn't an LDR.
    Being the friend I was, despite my feelings I tried to be there for her. On one night when I confessed how I felt, she apologized for talking about other guys around me, because she knew I wouldn't be too happy hearing about it. She also said she felt jealous when I mentioned other girls as well. As time progressed, it's as if we fell for each other all over again. I love her, and she loves me too. However, I still can't date. On top of the fact that it's been a month since their breakup. They were together for five months, and I kind of feel like a rebound..
    Fast forward to today. Today, we were talking. I told her and my other friends I would take a week or two off from Facebook and other forms of communication, because I was dealing with stress and wanted to think things through alone for once. My thoughts about her were included, I was afraid to risk my heart. This basically meant I wouldn't speak to her much at all for a week or two, given that Facebook and texting are our main forms of communication. That made her cry, and made me feel sick to my stomach.
    She talked about some other two or three guys in the group chat we had with her friends and mine, talking about how two of them hugged her, one of them tried to kiss her, one had a crush but wasn't exactly acting on it and some other guy was trying to flirt with her and get with her. This made me jealous. I expressed how I felt, and when I did she said I had nothing to worry about, and that she'd wait for me. This made me speechless, to say the least. She said that in all honesty it would be hard to wait, but she'd do it. I told her I'd wait for her too.
    I don't want to burden her with waiting for me. She has options, I don't. And even though I love her dearly and trust her, I still have my minimal doubts. She's a natural flirt, and guys do get attracted to her, so I always feel like I'd have competition. She says I have nothing to worry about, yet says it would be hard to wait. LDRs are hard, naturally. But with these added possible issues it would be even worse. She knows how I feel about the flirting, and says she doesn't even know she does it.It's all a matter of trust. My friend told me that if she says she'll wait, I should just trust her and enjoy the ride, keeping possible failure in mind. The wait would be for a good..two years, until I go meet her for her sixteenth birthday, and that isn't even set in stone. I've done this once before and it didn't go all that well, turns out the girl I was with had a boyfriend I didn't know about. That wound keeps me in check. What should I do.?
    Last edited by Maximum212; March 20, 2014, 11:59 PM.

    #2
    Only you can really know what to do. You are both young so you never know what will happen. Just continue to communicate and push for what you want and makes you happy while trying to focus on having as much fun in life as possible. The not being allowed to date thing does complicate things, but maybe when that gets better you and her will have a shot. Really only you can decide what you want to do and what is best.

    If you do decide to let her go, you will find love again. You may not have options now, but that won't last forever. If you try to make it work, I wish you both the best and hope you can work through your jealousy and insecurity.

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      #3
      If she truely wants to wait for you, let her do it.
      I made love to him only twice, she thought and looked at the man laying asleep beside her. And yet still it is as if we have been together forever, as if he has always known my life, my soul, my body, my light, my pain
      - Paulo Coelho, "Eleven minutes"



      "Bız yüzyılın aşkı vardır" - We have dated since Sept. 2013. To see our full story, click here https://members.lovingfromadistance....and-our-visits

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        #4
        You need to decide what you want, and if you want to wait for her. And then if she says she will wait for you, trust she will. Trust is important in a relationship.

        On the other side, you both are really young, and still developing who you are as a person, so be aware of that maybe, and it gives more reason for you two to wait, as it will help you go slower and develop your friendship first and foremost, and see if you want more, or if you will just be very good friends. There's never anything wrong with wanting to wait for someone, and trusting someone who you want to be friends with or especially who you want to be in a relationship is important.

        Good luck with whatever you do.

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          #5
          She's 14! I do have a 14 yr old daughter, and I was a 14 yr old girl once......she's flirting because she is aware that boys find her attractive. It's called growing up. At 14 she has no idea what love is. Trust me on this one. It's a lovely thought, but she doesn't have the experience nor the maturity to know love the way you want her to. I don't mean to hurt you, or your feelings, but I speak from experience and rationality. LDR's don't last at that age. I had an LDR "boyfriend" when I was her age. I don't even know where he is now.....
          sigpic

          I love him. Forever. And every day after that.

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            #6
            Originally posted by TaraMarie View Post
            She's 14! I do have a 14 yr old daughter, and I was a 14 yr old girl once......she's flirting because she is aware that boys find her attractive. It's called growing up. At 14 she has no idea what love is. Trust me on this one. It's a lovely thought, but she doesn't have the experience nor the maturity to know love the way you want her to. I don't mean to hurt you, or your feelings, but I speak from experience and rationality. LDR's don't last at that age. I had an LDR "boyfriend" when I was her age. I don't even know where he is now.....


            TaraMarie is telling you right. A long time ago I was 14/15 too. What I wanted then out of life is nowhere near what I wanted as an adult. I had loving relationships , but they didn't last because at that age life and wants and desires pass quickly. It is part of growing up. Keep a loving friendship with her and realize that it may not work out, through no ones fault....Teen years are hard sometimes.

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              #7
              I'd focus on school if I were you. Getting extremely depressed about something, especially when you and she are still only in high school is just going to ruin your future. There's a reason why your parents probably have a no dating ban they want you to focus on your studies to get into college.

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                #8
                You both need to take it slow. Relationships at such a young age (14/15) are hard enough without the added strain distance puts. Take your time, leave things as friends for now until you're both ready to take the next step.
                “The ties that binds us are sometimes impossible to explain. They connect us even after it seems like the ties should be broken. Some bonds defy distance and time and logic; Because some ties are simply… meant to be.” - Grey’s Anatomy


                >Little Box<



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                  #9
                  You could also try talking to your parents about their goals for you and negotiating with them. Perhaps they could agree to let you date, as long as you prove you also look after school.
                  I made love to him only twice, she thought and looked at the man laying asleep beside her. And yet still it is as if we have been together forever, as if he has always known my life, my soul, my body, my light, my pain
                  - Paulo Coelho, "Eleven minutes"



                  "Bız yüzyılın aşkı vardır" - We have dated since Sept. 2013. To see our full story, click here https://members.lovingfromadistance....and-our-visits

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                    #10
                    Everybody is telling the truth.
                    A young attractive 14 year old girl will flirt with other boys.
                    I batteled with a close distance relationship at that age because as I started to hang out with guys, I realised how fun it was to flirt and stuff.
                    I can emagine it's even harder when your boyfriend is far away so that you can't experience all the new exciting (physical) things that comes with a relationship.

                    I don't want to bring you down and make you depressed though. But this is probably something you hear often.

                    On the other hand.. I don't know who this girl is. IF you want to have a relationship with her, it's important that you trust her.
                    If she says she'll wait, you'll have to trust her.

                    It's a tough decision you have to make. good luck!!

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                      #11
                      I'm not saying that everyone here is wrong and that she won't be flirting with other guys or anything, but I just want to offer something from the other perspective. My mother and father got together when she was 14, had their first child when she was 21 (me), and are still together now. So, it can work, it's just rare and not the majority of situations. Only the two of you know what you want and how you feel about one another. And only the two of you can make it work or choose to let it fall apart. I wish you luck in your situation. =)
                      "Babe, I'm totally murdering everyone in this building right now! ... You would be so proud of me."
                      This. This is only one of the reasons that I love this man. XD



                      "I'll surrender up my heart and swap it for yours."
                      Por siempre, mi amor. ♥

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